Dumped

[Getoe]

She also got my attention.

[earl broclo ESQ]

My professional advice:

 

1. Smear peanut butter on your balls, go to her house, rape her mother while the family dog licks the peanut butter off your balls, film it, mail it to her father and all his brothers.

 

2. Buy an elephant, ride the elephant to Dunkin Donuts, buy a large iced coffee with 2 cream and 2 sugars, then ride the elephant to her house and throw the coffee at her front window. Then yell, "I don't need you anymore bitch, I got another fucking elephant to fist!"

 

3. Call her crying, tell her you're going to commit suicide, then start laughing when she gets all sympathetic and yell "Don't flatter yourself you stupid cunt!"

 

4. Punch her in the mouth.

 

5. Tell everyone in your town that she has a 3 pound genital wart on her labia that looks like a testicle.

 

6. Try your hardest to get back on her good side, make up, buy her dinner, go where ever you two go to fondle each other's sexual junk, and while you're playing with her tits tell her you feel a lump. When she can't find it say "I swear I felt it! I swear!"

 

7. In a tupper ware container mix these following ingredients:

 

Dozen eggs whipped

Fish oil

If you have beer shits (AKA. Hot OJ) USE IT!

dirty bong water

Piss (human or critter) Use as much urine as you need to break the eggs down into a thinner liquid form.

 

Take the tupper ware container to her house in the middle of the night, in the middle of a heat wave, and pour it into the air vents of her car.

 

8. Fuck all of her friends.

 

9. Fuck all over her female friends, guy friends, cousins, sisters, brothers, parents, dog, and neighbors. Send her penetration shots of every sexing.

 

10. Forget about her, ignore her, move on, meet another girl, enjoy your life. That will piss her off more than the shit in her air vents.

 

 

Also, watch these:

 

 

[earl broclo ESQ]

^^^That post hopefully put a fucking smile on your face.

 

But seriously, you're young. Move on with your life. Trust me, you'll meet someone else and she'll be better and you'll be happier. You'd have been doomed if you stayed with your high school sweetheart. There is a 9 out of 10 chance that you two would have gotten married and then started doubting each other and wanting to fuck other people, because you just never got it all out of your systems in the first place. Then you'd have to go through a divorce and start all over again. So now you can get that all out of your system and prepare yourself for the right woman in your life. Who knows, maybe you and this hooch will meet again later after both of you have been around the block and then it will be the "right" time for you guys.

 

It is painful. Losing someone you love either to death or a break up is never fun. I've been through it as many people on here have and we're all going to tell you the same thing --move on with your life and enjoy it. You're still young, have plenty of freedom to do what you want, discover yourself on your own, and grow into your own person and not one that is tied to the same piece of ass you smacked during 3rd period breaks at school.

 

My father gave me the best advice when I was down in the dumps. He put his fingers together to make a little triangle ( you know, the shape of a vagina ), then he said "There's a lot of real estate out there son, you just need to find the right one that fits you. Keep shopping around." I give you that same advice. He's the real deal Earl Broclo, so you know it's solid.

 

And always remember:

 

[Getoe]

Damn Earl. Hard act to follow.

[gasfacevictm]

#8 is the greatest weapon in your arsenal.

It is the greatest feeling, bar none.

[ImChristeezy]

Thats shitty, im sorry on behalf of the ladies here.... you will get over it though. it took me four years of contemplating going back to my first relationship... you just gotta man up though and begin a new life, new people.

[Silba]

GET MORE BITCHES CUSSSSS

 

 

[abcs]

wanna buy a fifi?

[earl broclo ESQ]

Damn Earl. Hard act to follow.

 

Should I have just closed the thread after those posts and sent the kid a stuffed unicorn to hug? :D

[Lesbian Fisting]

DO NOT TURN TO DRUGS AND OR ALCOHOL.

[CACashRefund]

[Ashley Juggs]

use the fresh breakup story to get new women to get with. play that sympathy card.

[dwight]

(A) whats the best way to get over it. (B - Do you ever really get over your first love?

 

(A) - muder as much ass as possible. that girl that always liked you, but she was only a friend to you... look her up on facebook & wax that ass. that chubby neighbor w/a lazy eye, that was kind of cute, but you you never got around to fucking her because you were always capable of getting hotter- put it in her butthole. go to a bar, get a few johnny walker blacks in you, find some recently divorced whore & get her to blow you. whatever you do, do go falling inlove w/some random just cause you are hurting. blow through a pile a misc. sluts for about 18 mos. & you'll be gravy & ready to meet someone new. this is exactly what I did. 7 years doggy, with ONE girl (from 15 years old to 22 years old) she bounced to NYC, I was devistated & just got really good at killing ass. every new fuck got easier & made me feel better. there will always be an emptyness or void when you don't love a bitch, but getting ass is super healing *(for me at least).

 

(B - no. I think & dream about my ex all of the time. I am fine with how things turned out, but that first bitch I still think about at least once a week. then I fuck my cool, hot wife & that's that. or I jerk off to youporn.

 

this is the best advice i can give you.

[~KRYLON2~]

go to the nearest strip club, they'll make you forget all about her

[itsallafarce]

look up some pronz.....fap.......go to your local watering hole and get some drinks on ya then pick a slag to slay.....game up said slag get her to take you to her spot and commence said slaying. wake up before her and bounce. get some breakfast and repeat process.

[injury]

use the fresh breakup story to get new women to get with. play that sympathy card.

 

This is the knife to their butter.

[Mr. Incognito]

listen to a lot of black flag.

[methamphetamyne]

travel, eeevvverryyywhereeeeee.

leave town and do some shit and forget about everything.

start fresh, br0.

[Drue_Down]

I wasted many years of my prime in some lovey dovey shit with a couple broads.

 

You must be young, so listen to a married man in his mid-30's:

She did you a favor. Get out there and fuck mad bitches.

 

Screw that love shit. As soon as I realized that, I was never happier.

If I could go back in time, I would have never wasted my youth on steady broads.

 

Eventually, I found the right one by accident and married at 30.

I still feel even that was too young, but whatever, I am happy now.

 

Remember there is a HUGE difference between girlfriends and wives.

The slut you chug beer with and smoke reefers and fingerbang in the the ass isn't going to do your taxes, vacuum your carpet or raise your kids correctly - choose wisely.

 

 

 

So go fuck someone else, because she already is.

[Drue_Down]

use the fresh breakup story to get new women to get with. play that sympathy card.

 

Never do this shit, ever.

No broad worth a damn wants another girls trash.

If you want respect, be an asshole and say you shoved your last bitch off a cliff.

[DurkStevens]

hahaha this^

[gasfacevictm]

Agreed.

Don't pull that sad puppy bullshit.

Don't even bring it up.

Go out and get it while the gettin' is good.

Luckily I never married or knocked any of my ex gf's up, so my youth is on indefinite extension.

Embrace it.

Enjoy it.

Fuck it until it hurts.

 

"Hey, my girlfriend is dead, you know. She fell off a cliff and died on impact."

 

"How's that nice girlfriend of yours?"

"Oh, she got hit by a car. She's dead."

[Getoe]

Just imagine how awesome it would have been 5-10 years from now. You guys could have a few kids that don't respect you but love it when grandma and grandpa bail them out of trouble with fucking candy and ice cream. Those chocolate pop tarts your bitch loves to eat in the morning really paid off, now you have your own walking tire factory. Hit that shit homie, think about your kids while you're banging her and how you REALLY don't want another one so you're afraid to bust. Like busting a nut is easy to accomplish when you're fucking Jabba the Hut's hula hoop while your kids are trying to deep fry the dog in the kitchen. That's when you're full on fucked dude let me tell you because you don't wanna leave your kids, and you don't want them to grow up with a broken fucked up family so you gotta play the part Al Bundy status. Say which is worse both sides of the argument lead to a fucked up situation. Just don't do it man, be a player. The hardest part of meeting a fresh bitch is pretending you actually give a fuck about what she's saying on the way to the room. So what, there are some really cool people on this planet that happen to be females. Doesn't mean you have to marry them. You're just gonna lie to yourself the next time you meet another girl that's just as or even more interesting than the one your with. If she's really that cool and on your level then you don't need to ask her to reserve herself for you, and you should never expect it. This ain't the fucking Wonder Years player, she ain't your Winnie Cooper. Just have fun with your life and don't be dependent on anyone. Learn to love yourself as well as others without having to tie them up and lock them in your basement.

[gasfacevictm]

I enjoyed reading that.

 

Not for nothing though...WINNIE COOPER WAS COCK TEASING WHORE AND ANYONE WHO THINKS SHE WAS A MODEL FOR A LOVELY SWEETHEART IS A FOOL. Kevin should have fucked Madeline, the girl from French class.

 

Also, this new iPhone commercial with the couple on video chat and the girl is delivering the news about being pregnant..that makes me want to avoid women and cell phones all together, not buy a phone. What is the demographic they are after on that shit?

[El Vergudo]

is this thread about a chick thats now single?????

[Getoe]

Oh yeah, and don't forget the in-laws showing up out of the blue when your place is a mess expecting to spend the night when there isn't any fucking room. One word I picked up since I moved to Canada that actually stuck with my vocabulary is the word "cheeky". It's a lot easier than saying you lack common courtesy. Cheeky as fuck. FML don't fuck yours too just because you learned what love is from MTV while daddy was at work fucking his secretary while mommy was on legal meth cleaning the house and jibber jabbing on the phone.

[gasfacevictm]

You get whatever comes to you for defecting to the Great White North.

[Telo]

I've never been dumped. There were obviously signs and you failed to recognize them. Stay ahead of the curve son.

 

 

/always does the dumping one

[Getoe]

Ain't that the truth. It's all the same island from my point of view though. You can find a double cheeseburger, a beer, and some horrible conversation on both sides of the imaginary line.

[gasfacevictm]

True indeed.

I do tend to find that Canadians feel the need to talk shit on other countries a bit more than most Americans I come into contact though. In a sanctimonious way more than a nationalistic way, rather.