King Of Hell Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 This dude's dad rules. http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Telo Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 "I lost 20 pounds... How? By drinking bear piss and taking up fencing. How the fuck do you think son? exercise?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevem.yzerman Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 funny mister Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InnerCityRebel Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 holy shit some of those are great Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pedro dePaca Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 haha. i haven't checked this out in a while. dude's funny as hell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 "Universe is 14 billion years old. Seems silly to celebrate one year. Be like having a fucking parade every time i take a piss." “Yes I got him a gift. He had a kidney stone. You piss a rock through your pecker, you deserve more than just a pat on the fucking back." "Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a fucking Honda Accord." "No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist." "A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown fucking toenail. Stop bitching." "You sure do like to tailgate people... Right, because it's real important you show up to the nothing you have to do on time." "I wanted to see Detroit win. I've been there. It's like God took a shit on a parking lot. They deserve some good news." :lol: holy shit 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KARD like WOE Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 def old news.. but still quite hilarious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 Hahaha "I lost my phone son"....."whats it look like"....."two horses fucking. It looks like a phone son, its a goddamn phone" Some of these are gold...i actually thought of signing up for twitter while reading these. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lewis and Clark Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 "Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that." "You look just like Stephen Hawking...Relax, I meant like a non-paralyzed version of him. Feel better?... Fine. Forget I said it." "Remember how you used to make fun of me for being bald?...No, I'm not gonna make a joke. I'll let your mirror do that." ^^ haah my uncle is going to be saying that shit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DretheGod Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 "Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a fucking Honda Accord." "I didn't say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking than you, and standing next to her, you look ugly." yesssss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RazorRamon Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 these are fucking awesome... I would prop you but you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chopsticks Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 Funny shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
count chocula Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 i actually know the dude who posts these. -truth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sneekatoke Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 did he ever find the phone^? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SystemFailure Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 Is it genuinely his father's bullshit or just bullshit? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
count chocula Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 from the dad's mouth nh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hotsauceinthedickholewastaken Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 "A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown fucking toenail. Stop bitching." Yep this is the one! lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwampFightOner Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 I can't remember why, but my dad once kicked and punched a horse in the face a couple of times, and (from all accounts I've heard) almost knocked it out, but my grandma stopped him. This was when he was a pro kickboxer, so I'm inclined to believe it. That quote made me think of it, and now it's bothering me that I can't remember why he did it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hotsauceinthedickholewastaken Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 I can't remember why, but my dad once kicked and punched a horse in the face a couple of times, and (from all accounts I've heard) almost knocked it out, but my grandma stopped him. This was when he was a pro kickboxer, so I'm inclined to believe it. That quote made me think of it, and now it's bothering me that I can't remember why he did it I was feeding a cow some grass was I was 14...I clocked it with a right hook for no reason...I've always felt bad about that....I'm sure the cow is over it now...on account of him being steak....mmm meat...no homo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwampFightOner Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 I always wonder what it would of been like to grow up around farm animals. My mom grew up on a farm in Virginia (which is where my dad was vacationing when he kicked the horse in the face haha), and even though my grandma still lives there, there hasn't been any livestock since before I was born. My mom used to ride a horse to school, and would regularly eat animals that the day before had been her pet. It's weird to me, what a fuckin hillbilly ha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CityonSMASH Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 living on a farm always leads to the same thing. beastiality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rolling nowhere Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 this shit is great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rolling nowhere Posted May 6, 2010 Share Posted May 6, 2010 "The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2" YES Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodsBlackFriend Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 "War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this cream on your pecker." "A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brickos Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eviltrailer77 Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 "I'm having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up? I ain't mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil' fucking umbrella in it" I was in fucking tears! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gasfacevictm Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 Dude was on George Lopez a while ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Itchy and Scratchy Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarToTheGround Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 One of the reasons I have a twitter app on my phone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Mamerro Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 Shit My Dad Says: The TV Show. Starring William Shatner, no joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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