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Shitting your pants. It happens.


makineasykills

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it's happened to me a couple times when i was drunk. the worst was in college. i was drinking a forty outside of my buddy's dorm building and smoking a cigarette and it just kinda happened. i looked at my homey and was like "yo, i just shit myself. i'll be back in fifteen minutes." went to my place, took a shower, got dressed and went back to getting fucked up.

 

it happened like a year ago too, right as i got home from the bar. as they say, shit happens.

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my friend has MS and she shits herself on the regular, like a few times a year, just randomly.

shes super regular about it and not embarrassed at all, even though shes pretty girl y.

we're able to laugh about it all the time because shes just like "this one time when I shit myself..."

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My ex girlfriend sharted herself in a walmart with me a few months back. Funny thing was, it was right after her first experience nomming a wet burrito. Bish had a weak stomach... and drank light beer. So happy that chapter of my life is over hahahaha.

 

I almost shit myself the other week when I mistook laxative pills for my sudafed one night. Thought my intestines were going to cave in all night, eventually took the spiciest shit of my life, felt sick all day because I blew every ounce of whatever the hell I barely ate out of my system. By 6pm that day, everything had clicked, I was chilling with my homie, and was like "Dude, I totally didn't eat sudafed last night. It was laxatives that looked just like my red sudafed... ahahahahaha." Ended up calling my mom, who was worried about how I was doing, because I was hitting her up telling I felt like death... we laughed our asses off at my dumbassery.

 

Smoooooth movesssssssss

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I've sharted a few times in my life, but only once since I was a kid. It was maybe a year ago, and I was all fucked up sitting in my computer chair, and let what I thought to be a fart rip...needless to say I realized very quickly that it was more than a fart. My girl at the time was asleep in bed, so I very silently made my way to the bathroom for a quick shower, and noone ever knew...UNTIL NOW!

 

I ALMOST shit myself on an almost daily basis. I'm pretty sure I suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome, becaue I'll feel fine one second, and be running for the bathroom the next

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Also I'll dust off the story I think I've told in previous sharting threads... oldie but a goodie.

 

So it was back in Y2K and I was living near some college I hated attending and I woke up for an 8am class. I can function pretty well on autopilot (hence the nonstop drinking) so I rolled into the kitchen wearing nothing but boxer shorts, grabbed the empty coffee pot and turned to the sink to fill it. I didn't really have to bend over but I was going to just sort of rest my elbows on the counter top; as I leaned forward I was seized by a single violent cough. All this before the pot was even half full but, eventually, I turned back around to fill the coffee maker when lo and behold, a small puddle of shit on my kitchen floor.

 

I mean, I knew it wasn't there when I walked in the room but I never even felt my asshole open up. I was worried that I'd crapped my drawers so I immediately pulled them down to inspect. Inspection PASSED! Not a spec or particle of turd on my body or the underpants, yet... the little lumpy puddle was undeniable. I needed coffee and I had to get to class so I just cleaned it up and made coffee but still I wonder...

 

When I was a kid a friend and I started calling styrofoam packing peanuts "ghost poop" but in the year 2000 it became all to real!

 

Aside from that, I'll take it!

 

(Now YOU act like a sexy stewardess and say out loud: "The coffee?")

 

Then realize deep in your soul that I nod, smile and half-laugh and say "the coffee... AND the books" (winx).

motu.jpg

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I was out at the bar a few years ago with an old roomate. He was farting so bad we couldn't even play pool because of the stench. He ended up shitting his pants and was so drunk he tried to use it as a pick up line. I laughed my ass off while he asked girls at the bar if they "ever fucked a dude who just shit his pants".

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my brother sharted one time at work. he came home and looked at me and said 'i gotta change my pants and go back to work'. i fucking died.

 

i think i told this story in the other thread too....

 

I didn't even leave work, just threw my boxers outside

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hungover as shit, thought it was only a fart

 

 

 

 

 

worst

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I was just thinking about how it could be a white person problem, not that only whites shit themselves

But I'd rather occasionally shit my pants than be starving in a 3rd world country or locked up for life, not that...

nevermind

 

 

I retract my statement

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what the fuck^^^^

 

 

a while back i had gastro and was at the hospital all pumped full of morphine. anyway i went to go take a piss and thought i had to fart (which was fucking retarded cause i had been shitting and throwing up all day) so i went with it. instant regret. i felt it as soon as it ripped so while im pissing i grabbed the front legs of my shorts to keep it trapped. once i finished i kicked off my shorts and moved them aside and slowly took off my boxers. meanwhile while all of this is going down some bitch is bangin on the door all fucking impatient and all i can say is be out in a minute. i get all cleaned up and go back to my spot in the hall where my chick is and since i'm fuckin high on the morphine the first thing i told her was that i just shit myself. she didn't believe me until i showed her that i no longer had boxers on. so what ever you do if you have food poisoning do not try to fart no matter what.

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My homie had his appendix removed last summer and he kept shitting his pants for about two weeks. I thought it was hilarious...he didn't. He came with me painting like a week after his surgery and was just chillin...out of the blue he goes "Aww what the fuck!" Looked over at me and all mad he says "DUDE, I JUST FUCKIN SHIT MY PANTS, TAKE ME HOME." I didn't want his shitty ass to stain my car so i did what any respectable friend would do...i called his mom and had her deal with the mess. Fuck that...doodie butt never enters my car.

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This isn't a shit myself story, but it's pretty funny nonetheless.

 

So, one night I was all fucked up, took a shit, and clogged the toilet. I said fuck it, left it, and went to the bar to get even more drunk. Came home, having to shit really badly, and dropped another one on top of the original one. I tried to flush it a few times, and filled the toilet almost to the top, before deciding to plunge it.

 

So there I am, falling over drunk, trying to plunge a pretty much full toilet, when my stomach starts bubbling like crazy again, letting me know I'm about to shit my pants. I look at the toilet and realize there's no way I can drop another one, so I do what anyone would do...shit in the tub. So now, I have to wash the shit down the drain (thank god I hardly ever shit anything solid), bleach the fuck out of the tub, finish plunging the toilet, then take out the trash with shitty toilet paper in it (from the tub shit), all while still hammered drunk.

 

Basically, it was a fucking nightmare

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This isn't a shit myself story, but it's pretty funny nonetheless.

 

So, one night I was all fucked up, took a shit, and clogged the toilet. I said fuck it, left it, and went to the bar to get even more drunk. Came home, having to shit really badly, and dropped another one on top of the original one. I tried to flush it a few times, and filled the toilet almost to the top, before deciding to plunge it.

 

So there I am, falling over drunk, trying to plunge a pretty much full toilet, when my stomach starts bubbling like crazy again, letting me know I'm about to shit my pants. I look at the toilet and realize there's no way I can drop another one, so I do what anyone would do...shit in the tub. So now, I have to wash the shit down the drain (thank god I hardly ever shit anything solid), bleach the fuck out of the tub, finish plunging the toilet, then take out the trash with shitty toilet paper in it (from the tub shit), all while still hammered drunk.

 

Basically, it was a fucking nightmare

 

Hahaha...yes.

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