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Shitting your pants. It happens.


makineasykills

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So I was at work today and a co-worker showed me this video.

Needless to say i laughed for a couple of minutes...I got into a discussion with him about shitting your pants and he told me he was walkin home after a long night of drinking and shit himself. I thought it was hilarious until my other coworker who is a decent lookin girl told me that she was high one night and sharted her pants...I seriously thought i was gonna die. Anyone on here have any funny stories about themselves or people they know shitting themselves...i find it hilarious everytime.

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i got bit by a black widow and it gave me gnarly stomach problems and muscle control issues. i shit myself a couple of times but it wasn't like poop, it was like 95% water.

 

i ended up having to wipe my ass so many times it got raw, so i stopped doing it and would just walk to the shower to clean up after pooping.

 

don't get bit by a black widow.

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Funny... this happened to me the other night.

 

I was having a terrible night and was on my way home from work and had a nice fart brewing up in my stomach. I let that puppy loose, felt the burn, and sharted.

 

 

I went home, threw my shitty boxers away, took a shower, and headed to the bar.

 

 

The night looked up after that.

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Back in the day (and by that i mean two years ago) i was walking with my buddies and i tried to let a fart out, and needless to say it wasn't a fart.

I caught the turd before it made it past my boxers by holding them skin tight to my thigh, and walk like that for about 10 minutes until i found a store with a bathroom.

I ended up leaving the turd and my boxers on the ground in the bathroom, and the half a roll of tp i used to wipe myself down clogged the toilet.

I wish i still had the picture of the carnage i ensued.

It ruled.

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i was at a house party two years ago and before that i pulled one of my notorious hmong store candy surplus binges and bought 7 packs of these

 

file_1_3.jpg

file_2_2.jpg

and one of these

2001-08-16-candy.jpg

and consumed all of it in a two hour frenzy... little did i know beer makes it into a mentos and diet coke bomb in your intestines ..mid keg pump my ass erupted in what i can only describe as the equivalent of dumping a gallon of egg yolk down the back of my pants and the sound of popping giant bubble wrap under water.

 

the concrete is still stained lime green to this very day

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one time i had to shit all night when i met up with my homie to go do a roller on some roof top.

the whole walk to the roof i was telling dude that i had to shit,

but when we got to the spot the feeling dissipated.

cool.

climb roof,

take out roller/extension/paints,

BOOM POOP FEELING RETURNS,

i was like FUCK DUDE, ITS HAPPENING, THIS IS HAPPENING,

so i quiet as possible ran to a dark spot of the roof,

took a shit,

used my sweet gloves w/ grip dots on them to wipe my butt,

dropped the gloves down an air duct in the roof,

then we did the roller without any complications.

 

i still laugh whenever i see that roof top when i'm back home.

piece got buffed in like a week too, lame because it was a great spot.

true story/no flicks, sorry.

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once when i was little i was climbing trees and shit because thats what i did back then,anyways i get to this one tree and put my foot in between where the tree splits off into two seperate parts(i really dont know how to explain this better).unfortunately for me my foot got stuck, and wouldnt you know it at the exact same time i got the runs.like the worst type of runs you can imagine.i tried and tried to get my foot loose but it wouldnt budge,my boots were much too big for that,so i decided to untie my shoe instead and see if i couldnt slip it out or something.i equate this moment to that scene in fried green tomatoes when bud or whatever his name was got his foot stuck in the rail while the train was coming,thats basicly what i was facing,instead of a train it was explosive diarrhea i was running from.after a few minutes or so of trying to untie my shoe(i was 5 or 6 and couldnt for the life of me figure out how my mother tied these damned things) i finally got my foot free.i was relieved but that feeling was gone pretty quick the ever closer approaching flooding of poo that was gonna spew from my cheeks at any moment.so i ran as fast i could to my apartment which was a good 2 or 3 blocks away,which when your 6 is a long fucking ways away.finally,after bout 10 minutes or so holding my buttcheeks together i finally got to the house.a huge smile and a sigh of relief hit me when i opened my screen door,only to be shot down by the fact that my door was fucking locked.NOOOOO!!!i banged on the door as loud as i could and yelled and yelled for my mom.she came and right at the sound of the door clicking unlocked my bowels exploded,like literally.it was like anactual explosion.and goddamned if i wasnt wearing shorts that day.my mom opens the door to see me with a missing shoe and shit running down my legs.she just looked at me like "WTF CHRIS"(my name isnt chris btw).after bathing for like an hour my mother beat my ass.for "ruining a perfectly good pair of shorts and losing your shoes"

 

 

 

shit was horrible.now i know why they call it the runs hahah.

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