TheShaneCo. Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Wake up hungover - girlfriend that broke up with me tries to get back together with me over AIM - no dice. Finally that's over, go to take a dump - do that thing where pee shoots out from in between the toilet seat, don't notice - a whole load of really stinky hangover pee on the floor soaking into my sweat pants. Realize what's happened, change into shorts in freezing cold house, start cleaning up pee with tile cleaner (which contains bleach) make chlorine gas (pee contains ammonia) - eyes turn blood red have hard time breathing, realize I'm offing myself and run out of the bathroom. I still have a dump to take but I'm scared to go back in the bathroom. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 poop in sweatpants Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chubbs Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 enjoy that tic-tac sir, you earned it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abrasivesaint Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 i woke up and puked battery acid from eating a whole bag of fritos last night while i was drunk, starving and playing poker. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveboxcars Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 i ate a peanut butter jelly and banana sandwich. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrishCarBombs Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 i hate that pee thing, in the last month it has happened 3 fucking times Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mackfatsoe Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 oh my god I am hungover I slept with a crazy coworker last night: here's where everything falls apart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sausage party Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 http://memegenerator.net/955518/bathroom-occupied-shit-pants Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernlights Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 ^^^ good luck with tht... i vowed to never do tht again!! might as well shit on the dinner table.... as far as the pee thing never happened to me.... maybe its cuz my penis rests in the toilet water when i duke it out.... wow thts was nasty!! i made my self gag... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveboxcars Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 oh my god I am hungover I slept with a crazy coworker last night: here's where everything falls apart. trust you aint got nothin on me. <<sleeping with the room mate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abrasivesaint Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 oh my god I am hungover I slept with a crazy coworker last night: here's where everything falls apart. haha, when we were like 18 my buddy was working at a company that you called when your credit card declines, this dude would figure why.. anyways, this chick he worked with who was about 22 called him over to help her with her internet or some shit, he goes over, she starts jerking him off in the cubical, the boss comes over so my buddy dives under the computer and starts playing with wires saying "oh this looks like the problem" till the boss left, they agree to meet in the bathroom, he goes in, she instantly starts sucking his dick, he starts fingering her, a couple minutes into he says he put his hands on the top of the stall as she blew him and he noticed this weird chunky looking goo on his hands, he starts realizing what it is and thinking hes got some viral cabin fever shit on his hands he starts getting grossed out and starts dry heaving, the chick starts freaking out, he runs to to the sink, pukes out his intestines and starts washing his hands, then just kinda sat down stuck in shock, the chick ran out crying cause she thought he was having a stroke... she never came back to work. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheoHuxtable.. Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernlights Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 hahahaha great story!!! i woulda wiped it in her hair and made the whole office laugh at her!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silba Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 what was the goo? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abrasivesaint Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 some sort of intergalactic viral pussy juice. some scientists believe it may have been the ooze that created the ninja turtles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheShaneCo. Posted January 30, 2010 Author Share Posted January 30, 2010 Welp, time to start drinking again. Also - How the fuck do I smell like a camp fire in the middle of Brooklyn? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wisetuxedo Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 im jealous woke up witht the lady, hungover as fuck, then peed for like 3 minutes and passed out again for another 4 hours, just ate chocolate chip pancakes and bacon, could be a good day... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernlights Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B!G D Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I had nothing planned last night This girl hits me up asking me to come over, her boyfriend is outta state, so of course i go. Hung out. No booty because she was feeling guilty about cheating on her boyfriend with me before. Came home, homies were all high. No goods left. Went to bed. Now i'm just eating cereal. Not off to a good start.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mackfatsoe Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 <<sleeping with the room mate. ouch whose bed is more comfortable? when you wake up in the morning, and make breakfast, whose eggs get eaten? is all the food and drink in the house shared? you are so fucked. edit: I just ate pho. Then I peed out my butt. Feeling much improved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
publicenemyno.3 Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 i woke up to serbians knocking on my door at 8 to replace my windows. it got hella cold in my place and they broke the old windows and didnt do a very good job of cleaning up. i cleaned up the broken glass and then made pasta dough and turned into fresh rigatoni for tonight. it's gonna be a good day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAISER-SOZE Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 There's not enough ammonia in your piss to make enough mustard gas to do you any harm. Stop being a pussy and go drop them kids off at the pool already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible pants Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 you did the pee crack thing?? ugghh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheason Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 My nigga fell down a flight of stairs into me last night at a party and really fucked my ribs/stomach up. My ribcage felt like it nearly collapsed against the railing...I wake up today hungover feeling like i got trucksticked in the gut. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gat Bush Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I need to stop the late night meals. The end result being me pooing several times a day thus putting off my showering which in turn makes me feel all dirty and poo-butted. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMF Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 woke up hungover. got my girlfriend to take me back after fucking up drunkenly last night. went to chili's to eat. and i didnt even have to use my AK. i gotta say, today was a good day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KILZ FILLZ Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 - do that thing where pee shoots out from in between the toilet seat, don't notice - this has never happened to me a pretty good thing in two ways props to myself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spring Break '92 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I had to leave my car in a Harris Teeter parking lot Saturday morning because of the snow. Not a regular thing in my area, and the DOT is understaffed. They didn't start clearing the roads till today. Went and got it this morning, got stuck three times on the way home. The last of which was in my driveway. Barely made it onto my street. I have to go to work tonight and get a ride in with a co worker. Things could be worse. At least I have beer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
where Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I didn't know where I dropped my friend off till I called them. One scrape on my palm, and throw up on the rug. I went through a 8 mile portal from downtown. I'm told I had words of wisdom, but that it was almost like revolutionary stock photo shit replacing me turned up to 11 cause I was blacked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShortFuse Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 lols all around on this thread. Woke up hung over with a heart racing for whatever reason at 6am and been up since then. No females for my story.... :( although come march I will be visiting the home town again and I do it will be a couple days of straight boozing and fornicating. As for the chick with the boyfriend...you should of had that bro. I had my chance with a situation like that and messed up...well I was back down to get the rest of my stuff during a final moving trip, been awake for 24 hours, was out drinking, the girl hit me up, and I passed out of exhaustion before we could meet up.... >_<! I will redeem myself in March. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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