dowmagik Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 today is the 2 yr anniversary of me and my wife's marriage (?). last july we split up. so i decided i would celebrate by going to the bar and getting DAF (drunk as fuck) all by myself. its a weekday, so the bar is incredibly slow. so im chillin, sippin jameson (on some jimmy mcnulty shit, please believe) when this gorgeous broad walks in the speakeasy. she is sittin on the other side of the bar, but i keep an open ear. turns out she works at bandon dunes, which is one of the best golf courses in the fuckin states. if you know me, you know i love golf. fuck. so i end up chatting it up with her. apparently she is at the bar because she just found out her husband is fucking another woman... GOLDEN she mentions something about how she really likes "titty bars"... "oh really? my ace is the bouncer at the ******** ***, lets go there, you deserve some good times...." ---- so this crazy druk bitch drivs me to the spot, and i talk her into getting buck naked on stage and spreading her guts for me. terrific guts. shaved slit, nice rack, and an awesome body. after her dance, she collectes her money and we go outside to have a cigarette. everything is going rad until a big fight breaks out and the cops come. big downer. we leave the bar, and at a stoplight i tell her, "pull over somewhere so i can fuck you in the backseat of this jeep, you got me riled up" she looks at me and says "im not a slut, sorry" WTF??!?!? BITCH i just talked you into spreading your cunt in front of a long shoreman, your huband dont give a fuck about you, and im handsome as fuck. god damnit. this story sucks, BUT.. bitches is crazy 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinky the kid Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 im in the same boat right now too dude, not necessarily the same circumstances but all the same bummed and blue balled. spankwire here i come. also, propped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poesia [ ] T Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheoHuxtable.. Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Medicine Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Mamerro Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miley Cyrus Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 10 bucks says this never happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miley Cyrus Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 20 bucks says your not even that handsome. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 oh, he's that handsome. nh i believe you dow. the fuck does miley know, she's like 13. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheoHuxtable.. Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tails0nE Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 you just got treated homie... :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swindle Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 damn that sucks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShortFuse Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 If she was drivn you around then why the fuck you going to get it in the car...what about her takn you home, well to your place I mean? You got used bad and she thought it was worth the spread. Some bitches are like that even into the drunken stages of the night. It was the 12th anniversary of this brewery near me and they always throw a huge bash. So me and my boy back from the military are getting DAF as usual when he visits. A lot of awesome shit happened that night but what Im getting to is this chick I met dancing. Some foriegn chick named olga or something. Petite and proportioned...my favorite. So after we dance for a bit brewery starts closn. She diggn me so Im thinkn its going to go down later. Were talkn and I walk her home since she lives near the place. We get to talking on her couch and she mentions shes a musician...word...THEN she pops up and whips out this violin and starts playing it for me. Its 3am and Im more than becoming impatient. She pulls this Im 32 and your 21 (at the time) ....I didnt care. She starts beating around the bush so I said I gotta call a friend..I called a cab instead and pieced out whilst it was storming down rain and she wanted to chat MORE!! bleh :edit: Admitably so I didnt have a condom at the time...so I guess IM glad it didnt happen looking back on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miley Cyrus Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 im 13 and a half assholes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swindle Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 smash^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hotsauceinthedickholewastaken Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 man that's rough...you should of just raped her. RAPE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritably Clean Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 I request pictures, or I may only conclude that this tale is a mere falsehood. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skullnbones Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Props because I am bored as fuck and I appreciate the time it took to write that out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twonpoo Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Bitches aint crazy, BITCHES ARE JUST STUPID. I'll add another mindfuck to the thread, why not? So Im messing with 2 seperate girls right now, one is a virgin! A sexxy smokin hot petite jewish chick who..... (wait for it ) - will only suck dick!? And the other girl is a barbie lookin blond chick who fucks like a pro but refuses to give head!? WTF is that shit? the jewish girl thinks shes has to save something for her husband, and I keep tellin her, a bad fuck can ruin a marriage so she needs to get practice, and the other bitch thinks shes all innocent and doesnt want a dick in her mouth cuz she thinks shes too good for it "oh hell no, ill never put a dick in my mouth, I kiss my mom with this mouth" These 2 dumb bitches seriously need to have a sit down and figure out some sort of common ground amongst women, unfortunately I cant be the one to introduce them. I really would love to sit and watch them debate. smh. Sorry to hear about ur fucked up story, the worst part about it all, is that women are trained to throw the "im not a slut" line out the exact moment a man brings up sex, no matter what. Its a default answer, the thing is, she probably really is a slut, and wanted to fuck, but as soon as a women says that stupid shit, even if itsa default accidental slip they have to hold to it or they REALLY look like a slut for letting you hit it when they initially said no. dumb bitches. moral of the story? Jerkin off takes 10 minutes, hanging out with a girl takes a whole evening and a ton of "uh huh, uh huh, sure whatever you say hun, uh huh" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernlights Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 sOmetimes bitches just want the satisfactory of knowing they could fuck a guy if they wanted to... U kno for an ego boost. the sec u give them the chance of shutting u down when u put yourself out there they usually take it.. I dunno maybe they think that there pussy is more valuable than it really is. I woulda played it smart and let the anticipation build and her wondering if she can fuck me... So I woulda jus pretended like I had something waiting for me ten times better at home.. I guaranteed I woulda hit it!! She woulda been inviting me upstairs for coffee like George castanza. Lol "see I didn't kno coffee meant... well you kno "coffee"..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernlights Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 P.s I always tell bitches that my grip is way more tighter than any other bitches pussy that Ive ever lodged in... They laugh at first, but then they start to realize tht it's true. Reminds me of tht tupac song.. "Down to ride to tha very end, it's just me n my right hand..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R@ndomH3ro Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Your tale was entertaining Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twonpoo Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernlights Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Hey wait this pictures from '06 which means she's atleast fifteen by now... Ok phew. now I feel like less of a creep.. Game on! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MitchThe$nitch Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 That's crazy, did you get her number or anything? Seems worth a second shot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Syre Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Maybe you shouldn't of said pull over somewhere so i can fuck you in the backseat of this jeep, you got me riled up" you just should of made a move on her. Maybe she was driving to a hotel or something to bang and you killed it with your straight to the point comment. Just because girls act like sluts doesn't mean they want to be treated like one. Maybe you made her relize that she is a slut and that pissed her off. lol Still a better night than your lonely ass sitting at the bar getting shit faced by yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnifeHits RS Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enmity Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 yeah u might have pulled the lets bang card too early.. so did she have skills on the pole ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dowmagik Posted January 27, 2010 Author Share Posted January 27, 2010 That's crazy, did you get her number or anything? Seems worth a second shot. no number, i gave her a kiss goodnight and went back to the bar. you guys could be right about my lack of smoothness in regards to the fuck-in-the-jeep comment. usually being blunt works for me, though... fuck it edit: yes, she def had skills on the pole, she told me she used to strip in orlando. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BraveNtheHeart Posted January 27, 2010 Share Posted January 27, 2010 Fuck yea ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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