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GlenQ

Book of Eli WTF!?!?!

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I also tried to make sense of this movie, but I was just too high. also fuck denzel washington and the bible

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your interweb bashing an neg props hurt me..

No for reals i didnt mean to fuck it up for anyone..still a good movie

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spoiler:

 

 

in the end, this is the surprise twist villain:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rosie-O%27Donnell.jpg

 

 

and the battle takes place at a bisexual bridal shower.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a9vc5z.jpg

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It’s 30 years into the future after all our modern-day necessities like electricity, running water, manufacturing, food production, and the like, have ceased. Not only that, but the Sun has finally done what we all figured it would do — blind the people.

 

* What caused the war and how did it do so much damage?

* Who are the ‘them’ that the people are referring every time someone checks Eli’s hands. A few times, he said “I’m not one of them” or someone else referred to Eli saying “He’s not one of them.”

* What were Eli’s travels like for the 30 years we didn’t get to see?

* How did Eli become so highly trained in combat (hand-to-hand and with weapons)?

* Speaking of Eli’s fighting — totally badass! The first few fight sequences are straight out of Kill Bill and are far from predictable.

* Umm… Eli’s blind!!! Oh, shit, I did NOT see that coming. Now I have to go back and what the film all over again with this integral information. This explains why he never attacks first; why he didn’t say anything when Claudia — who’s blind — first comes into his room; why he’s walking everywhere instead of driving; and so much more… must see this movie again!

* Nice appearance by Tom Waits!

* Mila Kunis’ character Solara appears to be the cleanest human in the film (aside from her mother). We know that she was born after the war and is illiterate, yet she seems smarter than many of the people older than her (the goons who work for Carnegie and the women who serve as whores, and also the people on the road). She is also clearly “untouched” and has great teeth for someone who probably didn’t have the benefit of growing up with toothpaste, fluoride-infused water, and regular dental check-ups. Her hair also looks beautifully done, as if it was washed and set every day. By the way, if there was no more shampoo or other means to wash my hair, or even enough water for drinking, let alone washing, I think I’d forgo growing my hair down to my ass like Solara and her mom, and instead maintain a buzz cut.

* Oh yeah, by the way, the book is The Bible, but I think that was obvious to everyone, right? Unless the film was going to make up a new mythology, having the all-important book be The Bible is the only way to go. But why is this the last copy of The Bible? I know it was mentioned that all copies were destroyed, but why?

* Carnegie’s mission: On paper, Carnegie’s obsessive quest to possess The Bible seems, well, a silly premise. But, when you think about it, he has a point. He says that using the words of The Bible, he can get more followers, which is true. But, here’s my question: Why exactly does he need/want more followers? He already has plenty already and pretty much runs his own town. More followers would mean more mouths to feed and bodies to clothes at a time when necessities are severely scarce as it is.

* Why didn’t more people think to go to the oceans?

* If the war turned the land into a wasteland, wouldn’t the oceans have been affected too? Yet, in the end, Eli and Solara make it into San Francisco Bay where the water seems fine (maybe it wasn’t, but it seemed ok; oh, and good think there was a fully intact row boat there at their disposal).

* Aside from a stray cat or bird, what are the people eating? Even canned goods wouldn’t last 30 years and it doesn’t seem like the soil is even viable for planting crops.

* After Carnegie gets shot, he’s bandaged up and then takes off after Eli. When he returns home, one of his men has a walking cane ready for him. Just wondering where this came from? Is there a fully stocked medical facility there too?

* After 30 years those KFC handy wipes would have been all dried up.

* Where is the gasoline for the trucks coming from? After 30 years, I would think all the gas stations would be emptied out.

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I ate a whole bunch of chicekn lo mein and drank a large coke at some chinese place. Im so full that my back hurts.

 

Is book of eli a movie out in the theatreS? Im guessing yes. Is it about soemthing religious? Im guessing yes. Am I going to watch it, I guarantee NO. Why?> Caue it doesnt sound like a comedy or really really really good movie.

 

Last movie I saw was Avatar, it was OK, nothing too crazy good like everyone acts, just compared to the shit that comes out in the movies, it was better than them. I should make a movie, it would be a bout channel zero. A bunch of people sitting on their asses reading and writing mad bullshit for years and years.....damn, that would suck too.

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haha. thats bullshit. All I did was hate on crackers, niggers, gooks, jews, arabs, christians, muslims, bhudists, fagots, chinks, southerners, yankees, spics,kikes, guidos, polaks, albinos, bithes, women, men, old people, slanteyeds, bananas, beaners,rednecks, hillbillies, camel jockeys, pakis, ragheads, towel heads, whitey, dagos,spearchcukers, coons, eskimos, gringos, fat fucks, hajis, honkies, injuns, and japs.

 

fuck I thought you were talking about me....what a waste of a good joke.

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was pretty good.

 

it takes place 40 odd years in the future in a post-apocalyptic wasteland that earth has become after nuclear war.

its essentially about a man who is sent on a quest by god. (eli)

he is carrying one if not the last bible in the world. most bibles were destroyed because people had felt that religion was to blame for the war.

on his journey eli comes across a shithole shanty town, which is run by a mayor of sorts.

mayor of shithole runs a bar in said shithole of a town.

eli drops/trades some stuff to get repaired with the local handyman of Shithole Shanty.

he goes across the street to the mayors bar where an asshole tries to start shit with him. eli ends up beating/killing this guy and his whole gang of about 9 people.

mayor of shithole finds out about this.

now the mayor is an older guy. so he knows about the bible which most the people in Shithole Shanty have never heard of it or religon for that matter. since most of them were born after the nuclear war/apocalypse.

the mayor thinks he can use eli to track down the last copy of the bible. (not knowing he has it at the time)

so he lets eli stay in his hotel/bar for free. he has a woman bring him water and other things. he later sends the woman's daughter Solara (mila kunis) to sleep with him as a secondary bribe of sorts.

he declines to sleep with her. instead he reads from a book (the bible). she asks him questions about it. blah blah. he shows her how to pray and they eat the food her mother brought in before.

the next morning Solara prays with her mother. Mayor of Shithole Shanty overhears them. He ask Solara where she learned to do that. she explains that eli showed her.

the mayor of Shithole Shanty immediately goes to his room, but eli has already left.

he is pissed. he questions Solara until she says that he was reading a book but she didn't know which.

 

the mayor sits around for about one day pissed as hell. in that time Solara decides to go find Eli and join him on his quest.

He tries to make her go away at first. but she remains persistent until he lets her join him. (or god somehow tells him he should let her join him)

 

mayor of Shithole goes after them with his posse.

 

Eli and Solara eventually try to take shelter with an old couple and they quickly find out they are cannibals. As they try to leave mayor of Shithole finds them and shoots the shit out the cannibals house. Eventually they take Eli and Solara outside where they take hold of Solara and the mayor shoots Eli in the stomach. Eli gives up the bible. and leaves Eli to die in the dessert.

 

Solara ends up strangling the driver of the truck she is in. crashing it. and turns it around. she finds eli walking along side the road. she picks him up they continue to drive west. they eventually reach the Golden Gate bridge. they get into a row boat and head towards Alcatraz

island.

 

flip back to mayor of Shithole and the last copy of the bible. he eventually gets the lock on it open only to find that its written in brail. he tries to get Solara's mother to read since she is blind. but she refuses to read it. at the same time the people of Shithole Shanty are enraged by him for wasting so many people and time going after Eli they mutiny and start to destroy his bar. now you've figured out that Eli is blind. that is why he walked instead of driving. and he had heightened censes.

 

now on Alcatraz, Eli and Solara find that its run by civil people. and the prison has been turned into a library/museum/archive/printing press. now you think since Eli doesn't have the bible all is lost? wrong. he dictates the entire bible, word for word. after this he finally dies from his gun shot wound. and for some weird reason Solara decides to go back to Shithole Shanty. and that how it ends.

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