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SwampFightOner

Self Medication

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Not the fun kind which I've always done, but the "I feel like I'm losing my mind and I really want it to stop kind"

 

I'm goin on 1 mg of klonopin every morning for the next 30 days. Since I had a severe problem with benzos before (not addiction or anything like that, but took them 4 or 5 times and did really terrible things each time) I did alot of research into it and it seems to be really good for short term treatment of manic depressive episodes. I'm assuming that since I'll only be taking a small amount in the morning that my nightly alcohol intake won't cause me to black out and beat up a girl, like I once did on them.

 

Who needs a doctor when you have the interweb?!

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thats how it starts

 

those and oxy

 

i get 180 xanax prescribed a month but i sell em

ill take maybe 15-20 and out of that ill give some to friends.

 

but having access to them and your history of drug abuse, you're playing with matches and thats definitely gasoline.

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I drank a bunch of beers and ate 3 klonopin with Manute one night and it caused me to kick my ex out of the house while telling her she didn't really love me...there was no reason for this at all.

 

Another night I was hammered at a party and took 6 or 7 xanax, and that was one of the worst nights of my life. During my black out I hit my girl, choked out a kid who lived at the house we were at, kicked in the door of a downstairs apartment, tried to fight some Crip with a knife, threw bottles at my own boy's car, and woke up the next day at a friend's house with no idea what happened, how I got there, or where my car was. That was the last time I ever touched a benzo, til today.

 

The kind of person I am on them scares me, so I know I won't go back to abusing them. I'm really trying to use em to get my head straight this time

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i am on 3 1 mg tablets a day. and have been for about 5 years. no complaints. they chill me out. i sell mine too though so i usually about 1 or 2 every other day.

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my advice dont go into stores on the klon

you will steal everything you want mad blatantly

makes you feel invisible if your not used to it

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I don't plan this to be a longterm thing, as they're only useful short term for what I want them for (manic depression)...eventually I'll need some kind of real anti-depressant if I want to keep managing it

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Yeah, personally I don't understand your logic. Sounds like you just want to do more drugs and happened to find a reason to justify it.

 

Mental health is a touchy subject. But, I've always been on the tip that the recovery of mental stability comes from within. Self diagnosis. Manic depressive episodes happen to everyone on some level and I really think the whole 'bi-polar' issue is over hyped. Whenever I've had those kind of irrational thoughts and feelings I've managed to turn it into something positive.

 

Get a new hobby, or figure out something you've always wanted to do and put your energy into that.

 

Or something...

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^ I'm taking one in the morning, and then drinking at night per the usual. I think that'll be OK, no?

 

the alcohol won't exactly help.

 

you might get lucky and feel the exact same as you always do.

 

maybe give the drinking a rest for a bit or fuck the klonopins off.

 

i don't see how mixing the two is going to help manic depression.

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^ I'm taking one in the morning, and then drinking at night per the usual. I think that'll be OK, no?

Stop kidding yourself. It's admirable to try to get yourself straight, but doing it half assed is almost pointless (I say almost because I'm trying to be encouraging). You state obvious issues that you describe like war stories. You want to clean your shit up, stop bragging about your exploits on 12oz and asking for supportive advice on taking meds for help in the a.m. and drinking in the p.m. Sorry dude, truth.

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klonopin is the methadone of benzos. the half life is insane...very long lasting, yet doesnt hit as hard as the others..per say ativan or xanax. i once knew a guy that was on 40mgs a day. yes, you can get up there in tolerance, believe it or not..dude actually kicked that + about 55 mgs of methadone at the same time and remained sober for about 7 months or so before the PAWS finally kicked his ass and he caved.

 

"im losing my mind and i really want it to stop"...you must not be losing your mind all too bad if you still wanna drink.. put some real work into it motherfucker. dont drink on top of em. or you need to stop drinking first and take care of that and then figure out where youre at.

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