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I shat on my parents today.


Fist 666

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

i shit my pants in barcelona jumping a fence, i had to shit when i started a piece and had to finish up quickly to run home, i jumped over the fence about 6 feet and soon as i landed i guess there was too much pressure and i had to do the cowboy walk home....

 

Cowboy_-_Cartoon_3.jpg

 

wide ass stance walk to prevent further shit distro.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

I was with my mom earlier while she was cooking some desert, felt a fart and walked to the other room and let it out. I walked back to the kitchen and that fart straight stalked me to the next room.

 

She said "It smells like poo in here."

 

I admitted I farted. Didn't shit my pants, unfortunately.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

i remember one time i was playing outside i think i was maybe 8 or something.. anyways this was in texas and i was maybe two or three blocks from my housing building or whatever you wanna call them. so im playing around and get to climbing trees like a young kid usually does but to my dismay my ginormous clown feet that i have(i currently wear size 11.5 and im not that big of a guy) got caught in the tree. as im struggling to get my foot out of the trees grasp i feel a rumblin in my tummy(HA!) and i knew exactly what was going to happen. so i struggle that much harder and pried adn pried.so instead i decide i should just untie my shoe. which i know what your saying "why not do that in the first place" well i didnt know how to tie my shoes at that time seeing as no one ever taught me and the way i had tied it was so knotted up it was almost impossible to untangle. it took me literally 10 minutes to untie my shoe haha. i finally get it off and rush down the street trying to make it back to my apartment at the same time i was grabbing my buttcheeks so as not to let anything get out.it seemed to be working because i was able to get to my front door. unfortunately when i let go of my ass to open the door thats when it all went down hill... well down my leg anyways. that shit dropped like a bomb. seriously.i could hear it haha.my mom opens the door for me but i just stand in the doorway like "nah ima stay out here".. when she found out what happened she made me go take a long long long bath..then decided to whip my ass for it. just after i had gotten cleaned up.

 

 

now i know why they call it the runs.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

WOW, thats disgusting. if my girlfriend farts nevermind shits her pants in front of me best believe i'm not talking to her no more. you must of been at wal mart shopping not laughing at people if your the one with the girlfriend that "rips" em while your out in public.

 

This...what kind of fucking girls is that kid dating? Haha

 

I've sharted a few times in my life, it really sucks. I almost shit myself the other day, straight up fell onto the toilet in just the nick of time

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

another time in jail we had a kid...maybe 10 years old or so. fat fucker too he had a 4x jumpsuit haha. anyways everyday minus sundays we come out of our cells and for an hour or so we do P.T. (physical training). we line up and get out cups and put them on one of the square tile and stand in three single file lines. girls in the back boys up front. this kids upfront and center im behind and to the left of him. mr williams comes in, he's this big black fucker who worked for the texas rangers or green berets or something like for some time but now he comes in to supervise the pt and whatnot. anyways we start doing the PT but obviously this fat kid cant keep up and isnt able to do his push ups and starts to get frustrated. Mr. Williams starts to yell at him to try harder but he cant do it. so he tells him he can go to his cell on DC. DC basicly means your on lockdown for the rest of the day and they take everything out of your cell, no matress or anything, not even toilet paper... kid is flipping out about that and decides to go at mr williams. he cusses him out and picks up his cup and throws it at this fools face. bad idea. mr williams picks the kid up by his jumpsuit (or tries to haha) and starts yelliin in his face like "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM BOY! WHO THE HELL YOU THINK YOU TALKING TO!?!? PUT THIS LITTLE SHIT IN HANDCUFFS" or something along those lines. in the heat of the moment the kid gets scared and straight shits his pants. and it was the dirtiest fucking shit youve ever smelled.i mean the only thing i can say to describe it is.."BURNTPEANUTSHIT" mr williams drops the kids looking mad disgusted haha. the guards end up having to strap the kid down to his matress for the rest of the night... in his own feces. it sucked to becuase it turns out the kid had some kind of condition where he couldnt help but use the bathroom alot(chrones?) and was shittin himself the whole night. they did the laundry the next day and the whole pods jumpsuit smelled like that burnt peanut shit for the rest of my stay which was like 3 weeks or so.

 

 

GNARLY.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

i blacked out drinking whiskey with a bunch of friends and literally tried to murder several of them. beat myself up. cut a chunk of one of my tattoos out with a razor ripped a bike chain off and whipped it around trying to fuck people up then passed out on a sidealk.

woke up with shit in my pants.

and i had lost my awesome train hat.

THEN i had to walk a good 7-8 miles.

with shit pants.

THEN ride a bus.

it was probably the worst day of my life so far.

shitting your pants is wack.

 

shit014trainspotting.jpg

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

Fist! I praise thee! I gave a shit in the pants just yesterday as well!

 

So. My day off and I take my lil bro n sis to go see Fantastic Mr. Fox, great film btw. Chillin 3/4 thru the cinematic adventure, my 7yo bro has to pee, I do too... Post up on the urinal, figured I'll let a lil fart out, thought it would be the bubbly-ish kind. No. I feel a bit of a slip n slide happen. I zipup like its all good n tell him "man I gotta poop! Go back to the movie after you wash your hands." He leaves, I sit, wipe up, toss the briefs aside and end up missing about 20min of the movie. Rest of the day I had to walk around balls to denim while we hit up the mall n go out to eat like I promised.... Anyway, fuck denny's late night sampler.

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