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Fist 666

I shat on my parents today.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

My girlfriend had a wet burrito for the first time the other week.

Somehow we ended up in a walmart because I wanted to laugh at people.

She rips a gross fart... I'm like "haha nice one".

She wasn't laughing because she sharted her pants. Priceless.

 

tic tac awarded

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

when i was in 2nd or 3rd grade this new kid showed up..he hadnt been there long. so were sitting there and some kid is all..whats that gross smell or some shit. so theyre thinking it was something in the AC. the teacher was doing some sherlock homles shit and it turns out new kid shit his pants and didnt tell anyone. embarassed? yes.

his name was pacer.

do you know him? where oh where did you go pacer?

i feel like ive talked about this on here before. maybe.

 

haha. we had a kid in 4th grade called duncan. dude had duke stains on his pants at least a few times a week and always smelled like a rotten septic tank. everybody teased the shit out of him all the time.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

Farts are a double edged comedic sword.

 

the oontz delivering wisdom on the regular

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

Only drink the tea, and even then, that's after you've watched it boil for several minutes.

 

Just a word of advice..

 

(The flat bread is cool too.)

 

Funny story; after a couple of weeks of eating MREs I was ready to try something else, so our terp hooked us up with some of the local cuisine. It was sort of like a one for one swap, the terps took a few MREs and we got whatever-the-fuck they were eating. The next few days were miserable, pissing shit is never fun. Later, our terp expressed his extreme displeasure in shitting a solid log...he'd never done so before. We concluded that pissing shit must be the norm. Again, just the tea, only drink the tea.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

I read this thread, and the shart thread, earlier today and thought to myself "wow I've never done that". Must be karma 'cause I sharted in the shower. At least it was in the shower and all I had to do was hop to the toilet and finish the poo. Thankfully I was at the end of my shower routine and was about to wash my balloon knot anyway.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

no doubt crave, i don't fuck with any of it anymore except for the tea.

 

you back stateside?

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

I read this thread and the one about sharting and thought to myself "hahahaha what a bunch of dumb asses". As if god was watching me, I was cursed with a shart today. Lucky for me I was in the shower and near the end of my routine so I had to wash my balloon knot anyway. A strange feeling, the shart...

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

i shit my pants blacked out drunk after or during trying to kill someone. literally kill not some exageration of beating someone up or something.

i just woke up on a sidewalk not knowing where the fuck i was. stood up and felt a little weird in the pants region. looked down and saw shit on the side of my shoe.

it was foul.

i walked a lot of miles. in the wrong direction. still drunk. with shitty pants. then i had to ride the bus. i kind of got lucky because there were only 3 or 4 people on the bus.

 

it was pretty bad.

 

i usually leave that part out of the story so you guys just got the directors cut.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

I nearly followed through when I was making food in the kitchen last night, thought I was gonna have to shit in my cats litter tray.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

I've always thought about doing that, just to show my GF's cats whose boss. Just imagine the look on a cats face when they have to confront a human size poo in their box.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

omfg. i kind of ignored this thread for a couple days and no ones posting right now so i decided why not. holy shit. fist you are a god amongst thread starters. this SHIT is fucking classic. i guess i should tell my story

 

 

i was with about 20 or so of my friends at my dudes house. had to take a shit cuz we ordered like 8 pizzas and 5 or 6 people didnt eat. so i run to the bathroom while theyre all in his garage. i discovered that night that for whatever fucked reason his family takes toilet paper in and out of the bathroom with each visit they make to it. i spend a good 20 minutes hollering for help after searching the bathroom for makeshift asscleaning materials. they cant hear me. so i walk around his house with chocolate residue massive in the crack of my ass looking for their paper stash to find nothing. ditch boxers return to garage and spend the rest of the night until the next morning claiming that i have a terrible farting problem with grease.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

I remember I had a teacher who would make us do P.E even if we didn't have our kit. (white shirt, shorts and plimsolls) One kid didn't have his kit, so he had to wear what he had underneath his school uniform: vest and underpants. I was several feet behind him with his back facing towards me, and noticed he was trying to get the teacher's attention, as he was waving his arm about I noticed a lumpy snake-like bulge rapidly forming in his underpants.

 

Shenanigans.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

A friend of mine once tried to fart in another friend's face, and shit himself. That was pretty amazing.

 

Another time, I saw this dude try to pull the old "cup your hand over a fart and then stick it in someone's face" gag, and instead wind up with a handful of warm diarrhea.

 

 

 

Farts are a double edged comedic sword.

 

 

one time i was meeting my friend and his gf at his crib

 

but they were out walking around when i was walking up from far away

 

so i ran up real fast like i was excited to see dude, but then jumped mad high in the air, did a 180 and farted hella loud and stank in his girl's face

 

if i would've sharted that would've been the trillest self-pwnage evarrr

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

i was with about 20 or so of my friends at my dudes house. had to take a shit cuz we ordered like 8 pizzas and 5 or 6 people didnt eat. so i run to the bathroom while theyre all in his garage. i discovered that night that for whatever fucked reason his family takes toilet paper in and out of the bathroom with each visit they make to it. i spend a good 20 minutes hollering for help after searching the bathroom for makeshift asscleaning materials. they cant hear me. so i walk around his house with chocolate residue massive in the crack of my ass looking for their paper stash to find nothing. ditch boxers return to garage and spend the rest of the night until the next morning claiming that i have a terrible farting problem with grease.

 

This is so grimy. You don't have a cell phone?

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

i was out having food with friends one night, exchanging hilarious/disgusting stories.

One guy told us how he had shit his pants one time....

i found this hilarious and made fun of him all night.

on the walk home, i shat my pants. right on my road, i could see my house, but could not hold it in

 

KARMA

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

I was taking a 2 hour trip back to my house from spending a weekend at a college.. i was with a sexy bitch that i was talking to at the time and sadly had a mcalisters deli french dip before we left.. Needless to say with 10 minutes left in the trip I convinced her that we needed to fill up the gas tank even though we were half full.. we stop at the gas station and i thought the door was thick enough to shield the noises of shit hitting tile when i couldnt make it to the toilet fast enough.. i also didnt know that my girl followed me in and heard the battle cries coming out of my ass in the bathroom.. last 10 minutes of the trip felt like 10 hours.. havent talked to her since

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

This is so grimy. You don't have a cell phone?

 

the one i had broke due to half the people their moshing in the garage about ten minutes b4/ shittiest night of my life(PUN HAHAHAHA)

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

Damn dude. Should have made do with one of the towels just to teach a lesson.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

my dudes house is impossible to find shit in unless you live there. actually no. i did live for a while and still had issues finding things. i just went to friends houses for shitting

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

i shit my pants blacked out drunk after or during trying to kill someone. literally kill not some exageration of beating someone up or something.

i just woke up on a sidewalk not knowing where the fuck i was. stood up and felt a little weird in the pants region. looked down and saw shit on the side of my shoe.

it was foul.

i walked a lot of miles. in the wrong direction. still drunk. with shitty pants. then i had to ride the bus. i kind of got lucky because there were only 3 or 4 people on the bus.

 

it was pretty bad.

 

i usually leave that part out of the story so you guys just got the directors cut.

 

i like how i told the same story 2 times in here.

i need to lay off the sauce.

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Re: I shit my pants today.

 

hahaha some of this .shit. is gold

 

haha one time when i was about 14-15 i think my mum kicked me out for about 5 nights due to graffiti related charges etc and the dudes house i was staying at for almost a week rocks upto me in the morning and says o dude you gotta leave were driving up north in like 2 hours and im just like fuuuuck and i have breakfast and a shower a all that and they were gunna drop me home on there way to wereever the fuck they were going. At this time its about 10 mins after they were meant to leave ( they had to be there at a certain time to make a family function thingy ) And i feel a shit coming on like one of those realll creapy little fuckers that bounce up on you and im faced with this dilema do i go now and try shit all i can ( i always take my time in the toilet so its hard for me to powershit ) or just wait till they drop me home , anyway i decide ill wait so they drop me about 1 block from my house and i start walking holding my ass to prevent me soaking myself with the brown stuff and i feel it coming on again REAL STRONG to the point i have to sit down on the ground till it kinda goes anyway i do that and i get home and knock on the door my mums home and she comes to the door and says i kicked you out now your crawling back and im just like fuck mum im gunna shit on your fucking door step if you dont let me in , she dosnt take it literally and closes the door im thinking FUCK ! So i creep round to the window and get half way in a BWWWWWAROP shit creeps out my ass and all down my legs and im still tryna get into the window and shit and my mum hears me and tells me to fuck off. I had to sit outside with shit all down my legs for about 3 hours till she let me in.

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