dickski Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Sorry if this is a repost But it has got me ROFLin' pretty hard. http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191&CJAID=10409403&CJPID=3196496 Copy and pasted below....... "Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any of my misc brahs to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. I have added MS paint images so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. no ****ing cliffs..... read it to save yourself from something like this... Anyway... If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation. Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and ****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable. I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first?? So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time! So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well... As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor. I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head: I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouMad.GIF Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 haha you guys remember when one of those kids from the teen misc sub forum came on here and started talking shit about how he could kick all our asses, so we pulled all his info and his mom got on his acct begging us to stop calling the house because they were scared? That was awesome. Also thanks for the visual aids Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dickski Posted December 15, 2009 Author Share Posted December 15, 2009 At that point things get even worse... The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom.... I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"... she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you??? At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!! I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet... At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???" I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it... she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door.. I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it. She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave. about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirtydoses Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 nevermind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 "...since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date..." the fuck? youre like a younger version of ray from trailer park boys hilarious nevertheless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dickski Posted December 15, 2009 Author Share Posted December 15, 2009 Yeah I guess thats some bodybuilding thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirtydoses Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 thats fucking funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShortFuse Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 I dunno the visuals were quite disturbing. I kinda got the jest of it but seriously wtf! I dont know if your at your house or what but I think over all just dipping out and going home then calling and saying something wack happened might of been better than the embarrassment. Also did you really have to make your dick look big? /nh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
!@#$% Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 shouldn't it be Possible Worst Date Ever? worst possible date ever makes me think we get to add to this story, or like it's one of those choose-your-adventure books Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Port-A-John Enthusiest Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 ..Negz @ i thought this was about taking out the troll girl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouMad.GIF Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 yeah whats up with bodybuilder pee bottles?!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dickski Posted December 15, 2009 Author Share Posted December 15, 2009 I dunno the visuals were quite disturbing. I kinda got the jest of it but seriously wtf! I dont know if your at your house or what but I think over all just dipping out and going home then calling and saying something wack happened might of been better than the embarrassment. Also did you really have to make your dick look big? /nh :lol: This story has nothing to do with me...I have seen it posted all over the place. Just thought I would share it...It seems to have originally come from a bodybuilding site. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATSPRAY Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 fuck, missed the 1st line & got all stoked for nothing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
That Drunk Savant Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 weed tamales and reading this, what a good afternoon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manute Bol Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 "...since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date..." the fuck? youre like a younger version of ray from trailer park boys hilarious nevertheless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SystemFailure Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 I paused at the same part Medicine hahahahaha @"I didn't bring my pee bottles" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeaaaah baby Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 HAHAHAHAHAHA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 TEENMISC FAGGOT PEOPLE 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouMad.GIF Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 washington state aparantly has a fucked up litter problem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SystemFailure Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 POOL OF STOOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crocodile Tears Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 im going to have my assistant read this saga and then give me a verbal rendition while i soak my feet in this heated evian water and sip an aromatic 78' Montrachet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mackfatsoe Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 poor gliko... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
volcom8811 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 i hope this actually happened Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILOTSMYBRAIN Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 im going to have my assistant read this saga and then give me a verbal rendition while i soak my feet in this heated evian water and sip an aromatic 78' Montrachet This is what i'm talking about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KILZ FILLZ Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 "misc brahs" these guys are so fucking gay haha too funny when that troll from there got owned by casek Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B!G D Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 This makes the story If she woulda came in during this time.. then, just yes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earmuffs Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 poor gliko... :lol: When I'm out with a girl I'll just be honest and say damn I gotta take a shit real bad. Hopefully she laughs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KITTENS Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 amazing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milk Grenades Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 i laughed out loud. the pictures made it even funnier. i think the girl in the situation was a bitch. she should have just left him alone. let him handle his business and clean up after himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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