IOU Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Cape Town officials can’t catch a break. First they land in global hot water for World Cup-related mass animal sacrifices. Then they have to go out of their way to promise athletes that they won’t get raped and murdered in the streets. And now they’ve got to deal with a crime wave being conducted by monkeys. We were going to dress up that last sentence and give it a little bit of exaggeration-fueled color, but it is what it is. A crime wave being conducted by monkeys. The baboons are ransacking cities in organized troupes numbering dozens, complete with gang leaders and even gang nicknames. The head baboon is apparently called “Fred” and – while we don’t have a picture of Fred – we kind of imagine him in a leather mask a la Mad Max . South African officials are trying to “keep them at bay” and failing, confirming that as a simple matter of what words mean, the animals are literally taking over: City officials are battling to control the increasingly aggressive troupes and there are fears the problem will only worsen with the influx of visitors to Cape Town during the World Cup next year. On Tuesday, a troupe of 29 baboons raided four cars outside Simon’s Town, a small coastal neighborhood. A baboon dubbed “Fred,” the leader of the group, opened unlocked doors and jumped through windows to search for food. He ransacked a bag… A girl screamed nearby as a baboon hopped into her car through a back window. Others climbed on car roofs and hoods, looking for ways inside… “We spend the whole day basically rescuing tourists,” said Mark Duffels, a volunteer who monitors the baboons in an effort to keep them at bay. This isn’t as bad as the organized monkey campaign in India to murder anti-monkey politicians, but that’s obviously where this is all heading. We’re not saying folks should be heading for the hills, but folks should be heading for the hills. It's only a matter of time before the great war begins with these fuckers. Bonus link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7055625.stm About the killer monkeys in India.. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pornbooth Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 yes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 fuckin a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3 eh? Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 .223 problem solved, order restored... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice Nerves Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 This is unreal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XJONATHONX Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I'd rather have the .308... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeaaaah baby Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allfreetime Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allfreetime Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 My fam is from SA. This sounds like the worst they have to worry about in Cape Town and the entire west. In the east ( Durban and Jo'Burg ) replace the word baboon with murdering raping thieving thugs and you have a police blotter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 REAL TALK Remember what those couple of chimps did....? Imagine a gang of them raping and pillaging Olympic athletes.... ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allfreetime Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IOU Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 His name is Fred.. Mother fucking FRED!! They got us by looking all cute and shit, but I ain't fooled no more.. The war has begun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 T.I.A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SystemFailure Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 "DROP DEAD!" FRED! Spitfire? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acer910 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I'd rather have the .308... theyd want to be able to have a easy clean up. not a fucking red mist of a head. .223 is the perfect round for monkeys, dont ask how i know. and seriously, why arent there people walking around with .25 caliber pistols killin these motherfuckers???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Flowsmith Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveboxcars Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 wait. baboons can talk? or are these people just going around calling the leader fred? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwampFightOner Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Monkey criminals are so much cooler than human ones Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SystemFailure Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 BBC anchors muttering to one another "We need to be very careful on how we comment on this" Monkeys in Africa attacking Africans? I could see a problem there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UPS! Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 First aliens, now this shit? Fuck that place, if I want to get killed by something ridiculous its sure not ganna be something that has snowball fights with its own shit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouMad.GIF Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Acer: shut your dumb ass up you don't know shit about firearms Also: Fred goin' ham on these niggaz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bojangles Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwampFightOner Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 First use of "go ham" I've ever seen on the oontz You sir, win Edit: To Tre Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANGELDUST Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouMad.GIF Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 First use of "go ham" I've ever seen on the oontz You sir, win Edit: To Tre Someone had to break it in. Who better? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IOU Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 They roll like 20+ deep. I can't even remember the last time I saw a street gang roll that deep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANGELDUST Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IOU Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 Seriously.. We need to bring these back to help up combat this plague. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaolinmasta Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 haha awesome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SystemFailure Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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