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when is enough enough aka junkie friends are assholes

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So I had this friend that I've known for about 8 years.

We claim to be "best friends", which is kind of ridiculous for 30 year women to have BFFS, but that is another story.

At one point in time we were very close...time+distance+growing up has changed all of that.

When we met, we were both using a lot of drugs.

A few months after meeting and growing close, we both decided that there was no hope in dope and we were going to go our separate ways and quit.

She moved to Arizona to quit, I just went to my family's house.

This was about 7 1/2 years ago.


In the 7 1/2 years, I have managed to stay clean.

True I had my battles with booze, and there were times were I was doing lines of coke when drunk and smoked weed daily..but I wasn't doing anything hardcore and it wasn't ruining my life.

Well, the drinking kind of was...so I changed that.

My friend on the other hand has never managed to get away from heroin.

She always finds some excuse as to why she went back to it.

Usually she lays the blame on other people.

Saying that she "had" to cop for someone else.

When the thing is, if she wasn't already doing dope or interested in it...she wouldn't be able to score drugs in some places.


Every time I talk to her, it's basically a different version of the same sob story.

Always with some shitbag dude who beats her and steals her money and treats her like shit.

She is always short on money to get a ticket to a new city where everything is going to be different and she is going to get her life together.

Then when she gets to the new city, she does the same shit she always does and then 6-12 months down the road is moving again and repeating the cycle.


I have always told her that it is easy to get and stay clean.

All you have to do is change your life.

It's fucking simple.

Don't hang out with dirtbags and don't go to places that drugs are at.

Mainly, get to the point in life where you don't want your existence to revolve around drugs and then you won't want them anymore.

I tell her that life is much easier without dope.

That I don't call her with some "crazy" story about how things got all fucked up and now I am having to runaway and start over.

That I don't call her complaining about how some scumbag dude threw away all of my possessions and punches me in the face everyday.


After years and years of her shit, I started just getting fed up with her.

I distanced myself from her emotionally and had very little contact with her, unless she was making steps to get on the right path in life.


A few months ago she moved back to Baltimore and hooked up with some dude she had known for years.

Within weeks they were talking marriage.

I thought it might be good for her to settle down.

Dude is a fireman and seems stable and like an alright guy.


So this chick calls me this week telling me how he is beating her and stealing her money and she just wants a bus ticket to Memphis where she has a job waiting.

I volunteer to Western Union her $100.

We basically only talk about the money thing and nothing real.

So whatever.


I never hear from her after that.


Turns out she went to jail for 45 days and I start getting messages from her dude.

He claims that her claims are all lies.

She wasn't off of dope, he doesn't beat her or steal her money, she wasn't going to leave him to go to Memphis.

Basically everything she told me was all false.


I wasn't sure whether she was lying or he was lying.

Or a little of both.


Then I get messages from a mutual friend and this friend tells me that in the last month that my friend who wanted money has also stolen almost $900 from her.

THat my friend has also stolen and forged checks, stolen credit cards, stolen and sold records..all from "friends".

She stole money from her dude and now he is in debt (he told me the same thing)


So basically my "friend" totally scammed me for the sake of drugs.


I know this is super long.

So what.

If you don't like to read, there are tons of other threads on the front page that are just photos.

You can go to those and then eat shit.


I don't know if I really want advice.

I was mainly just wanting to vent.


It just really sucks how there can be someone that you care about and that you want to see do good in life, but they don't care enough about themselves to put in the work to have a better life.

I've been watching this chick waste her life for the last 8 years...and it's not as if when we met she had just started wasting her life...she is almost 30 and has pretty much been a junkie for the last 15 years.

It's bullshit for someone to say that she has been doing it so long that it is impossible to quit.

I did the same shit for almost 10 years and I quit and never looked back.


I cut off contact with all the people I used to know when I was an addict except this chick and a few other people.

It seems that none of them can manage to stay clean for any length of time.

And the more time that passes, I am drawn between just forgetting them as friends because our lives are so different now and I don't want to be burdened with hearing their bullshit...or remembering that we are friends and keep giving them chances to clean up and stop being assholes.


When's the point that you just wash your hands of someone?

I think after this little stunt, I am done with my "friend"...but I still want to have faith that she will not be a shitbag her entire life.

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you should wash your hands of her now. this lassie's obviously just taking the complete piss of people who care about her. stealing, asking for money etc...

she clearly knows when and how to take your kindness as a weakness, no one needs cunts like that in their life.

cut her off. you might feel a bit shit about it for a while, i know i probably would. but she's not doing you any favours in life as far as i can tell...

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I would say it sounds like time to wash your hands of her, when I quit hard drugs I basically cut myself off from every single person I knew, some I had know for 20 years and had been best friends since small children. I managed to get clean and my best friend didn't (he is now clean but I still have nothing to do with him apart from occasional hello if we see each other).


Sucks you got screwed for the money but se sounds like a junkie and thats what junkies do is scam, like you said yourself it is always variations on the same down and out sob story.


Good for you for being clean just don't allow yourself to get sucked in by these people, sometimes it is better to just cut your losses and run - you seem to have a great life now from what I read on here

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I can understand how cutting someone loose is tough but you can't really look out for someone who can't look out for themselves.

An addict has that one loyalty that trumps all others, even family, freinds, or themselves.

As cool as they may be, or as nice as they seem that loyalty issue voids any good points.


I've had freinds go down that road and still keep a distance even when they claim they're trying to clean up.

Just too many headaches and no trust factor involved with them.

Life is too short to worry about someone elses problems more than they do.

Not sayingyou should be hating, but keeping in contact isn't a good idea.

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A good friend of my family struggled with addiction for 25+ years, one of my mom's best friends. Several months ago she hit rock bottom when she ended up getting fired for trying to buy pills of a student (yes, she worked at a high school), and her family more or less turned their back on her. Her retarded (literally) brother found her dead body the other week, she died of an intentional overdose.


So, I'm kinda on the fence with this one, you can't allow yourself to be used and lied to, but at the same time your friend needs to know somebody out there gives a shit about her, even if she doesn't care about herself. It's a tough spot to be in, and I give ya props for trying to help your friend, but if the snake bites twice, it's your own fault...

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i went through this with my little brother for years, i suppose it's different when the person is family but from the way you made it sound she practically was at one point. i quit talking to him until he got clean and there were years that we didn't speak to each other. he eventually got himself into rehab and lives a good life now. sure, he's relapsed a few times but he's honest about his mistakes. if you feel that continued contact with your "friend" might help her beat addiction then i wouldn't write her off. if not, never pick the phone up for her again and realize you'll probably be going to her funeral next time you see her.

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I just know that when I was a junkie scumbag...a lot of people that I thought were my friends totally gave up on me.

They didn't think I would ever change and that there was any hope in me at all.

One example is a chick that I was best friends with when we were about 15-16...we stopped being friends because of my addiction and our paths never really crossed except for at random house parties or a show.

My sister-in-law saw her a few months ago at the salon she is a receptionist at.

She asked how I was doing (in a very condescending way) and when my sister-in-law told her I was married, living in Germany, not drinking anymore and just doing really well...the girl was really surprised.

That wasn't the first time that had happened either.

A lot of people that hadn't seen me for years assumed I was dead or just being a junkie in another city.

Not that I was clean and just living a different life and not going around the same circles.


But yeah, I never want to give up hope on my friends.

I just figure if I could do it (quit drugs), then anyone can do it.

I just can't figure out why these fucking idiots AREN'T doing it.


I also did a lot of really shitty things to people that didn't deserve it when I was using...but I never fucked over my friends or family.

Drugs changed the person I was and I did things I wouldn't normally do...but I never lost sight of the fact that my family and friends were important and once you fuck those people over, you can never go back and un-fuck them over.


Every time I talk to her, I try to help her out and let her know that I am supporting her and will continue to support her in any way that I can.

Now after this, I just don't know if it is worth it.

Or if maybe now is her rock bottom and I should stick it out a little longer and she will start getting better.


Also, as far as I know...this is her first time in jail.

So maybe that might change her mind about things.

It will give her time to detox, at least.

Plus, maybe a few months in Baltimore jail will make her think about the life she is living and make her want to go a different way when she gets out.

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Also, the dude is still madly in love with her and was trying to get together money to bail her out.

Even though he didn't even have enough for rent because she stole all his money for dope.


He still wants to marry her and then she will be on his insurance and he will help get her into rehab.

I just don't know if forcing her to go will change anything.


From my own experience, rehab when you aren't ready to quit is just a waste of everyone's time.

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Very true , and very real to all of the above . My best friend Marc has been almost 8 years sober off heroin , became an Executive Chef , and is doing better off than I . Sadly , he is one of only a handful of Clevelanders that have broke the junkie cycle around town .

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only you know what your limit is.

i think someone who you really love you never give up on.

i don't have to tell you that it's fucked up to write someone off as dead for being on dope.

even though the numbers aren't good. even though they might disappoint you again and again.

and in a way, i think, after you get clean, you see who's still there for you after all that and you really know who your real friends are.

that doesn't mean that you have to let yourself be taken advantage of, in terms of money, etc.

but in terms of just being there and talking, even if you're starting to feel redundant in terms of how many times you have to tell them what they need to do, it means a lot just being there.

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I have another friend who is almost the same...we've known each other for 8-9 years and met doing the same shit.

The thing is, she had a kid...but that wasn't enough to get clean.


I can remember her bringing her daughter over to play with my niece and she would be so wasted on wine and pills that she would pass out on my niece's bed while her kid was running around.

She would never bring diapers with her so after her daughter soiled the one she had on, she would just be running around with nothing on under her tights.


She also had a mutual friend who was a dope dealer living at their place and selling/doing dope with a toddler running around.

It made me so angry that I had to stop hanging out with her.


The main reason I got clean (as I have said many times) was because of my niece.

I wanted to be a positive role model for her and not be the reason her childhood was shitty.

I didn't want to put the stress on my family of not knowing where I was or if I would be alive in the morning.

It's a shitty thing to do to a family and I didn't want my niece growing up and remembering me as never being around and when I would come around..be all wasted and make things around the house uncomfortable.


It takes something different to make each person quit...but I can't see how having a child and seeing your child's face every day wouldn't be enough to make a person want to be better.


Even beyond that...I can't see why anyone would want to look back on their entire adult life and not have any experiences that aren't related to drugs.

And when you are an addict, that is all your life becomes.




The chick that scammed me has basically already worn down everyone in her family and used them up.

They no longer accept her phone calls or reach out to help her because every time they have in the past..she screwed them over within months.

She just recently forged checks of her mother's and her mom was the last person in her family that would allow her at their house.

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sad story, but thanks for sharing. it's pretty tough to just give up on a person you've been close with. i don't think there's a problem with showing them compassion. giving them monetary support probably is not prudent, though (as you alluded, she most likely used with the cash). the best support group for stuff like that is al-anon. those are the people that would give you the best advice. personally, i know it busts you up for someone to throw their life away when the fix seems so simple to you. but, it's not that simple to them. often times they use because they're so depressed and it's a coping mechanism. i think compassion, while saying you can't give them anything of monetary value right now, is the way to go. good luck, shit's tough.

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If I knew she was using, I wouldn't have sent her the money.

Probably, if I would have thought with my head instead of my heart, I would have known she was using.

She recently had some sort of infection (probably dope related) on her hand and almost had to get fingers amputated...she claimed that while she spent a week or so in the hospital that she got detoxed.

But now I know that is a lie.


I just wanted to believe that this was the time that she was going to stop being a loser and actually do something good with her life.


She never got to pick up the Western Union and I offered the money to our mutual friend to help pay rent because the junkie friend took her rent money.

I made it so that she could pick it up without a ID, so anyone could get it.

The last time I checked, the money was still there...but I would rather someone else get it before she gets out of jail so my hard-earned money isn't going straight into her arm.


It's also lame because I had recently mentioned to my friend how I don't get paid shit at my job that has me working my ass off and getting up at four every morning.

And that I am trying to save money for when I go back to visit my family in December.

But eh..the truth is that she saw me as an easy mark..and I guess I really was.

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One of my best friends I grew up from when I was a little fell into some serious shit. We kept trying to talk him out of it, we would go visit and he would always give his "Today is the last day" shit. Eventually I just got fed up and figured hes going to have to get his shit straight or he'll just die of an overdose one day. He just threw himself into rehab a few weeks ago, so well say what happens when he gets out. If he falls back in his regular routine, then I just treat him like he doesn't exist.

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So I read the first post but prolly nt gonna read the others


shit sucks I've been in similar situations with friends that i've known since I was like 9.

It's tough to just cut people off but it's what's best if you don't want that bullshit in YOUR life.

Some peope just dont change.


Do what's best for you. Best wishes.

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So why is it ridiculous to look at somebody as a "best friend" when you're 30 years old?


Do they just change into the term "a person I can relate to and vibe with (n/h) way better than most of my other friends"?


Anyways, couldn't read through all that, but it looks like you got fucked over. Sorry to hear that, and remember to always not let shit like this in life change the way you've been trusting and keeping faith in people close to you.

Keep ballin'.

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Most of the time when I was strung out, I had a job or some kind of income. There were times I had to do some quick hustles to make money like racking art supplies and selling them on Craigslist, but I never borrowed or stole from friends and I always made sure I could cover my fronts.


I got ripped off a couple times, but nothing major. I usually handled it by simply not letting that person back into my house. I definitely never loaned anyone with a drug problem money, but I've given friends who were worse off than me $10-20 to get whatever they needed to get right and hope that they'd spend it somewhat wisely.


So I had to write off a lot of people over the past five years. I tend to keep my life pretty compartmentalized these days...I used to be a lot more outgoing but it's just not healthy for me to be a social butterfly anymore. As they say, water finds its own level...and it's really hard for me to not want to get high when it's right there in front of me.


BF, there's nothing wrong with wanting to help out your friend, but she sounds like she needs to figure it out on her own.

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