lord_casek Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I have a friend whom I've known since 8th grade who is blown out. We used to skate every day after school. Then started smoking a joint here or there, doing some dose, shrooms, etc. Then homeboy gets into meth and opiates. I don't think it's really ever stopped since then. Although he would never straight up jack someone, he would sell fake stuff to raise money for his habits. Be it coke, meth, adderol, etc. Whatever he was using at the time. Now he's very crazy, withdrawn, socially messed up, etc. and still addicted. I used to wish I had my friend back. The one I would skate with, have a beer with, be able to talk seriously with, or just bullshit with. Now I just thank whatever is watching over me that I got out of that stuff before it was too late for me. When you really grow up it seems like the people that you used to think you had a lot in common with turn into people you no longer have anything in common with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blood fart Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 I appreciate all the imput on this and I have some thoughts in return, but it's real late and I have been up a million hours and just need to go to bed. Plus, I am in the dark, which somehow makes me type shittier, and I hate misspellings. The thing is...all of this has had me thinking about my life and where I used to be compared to where I am now. It's nothing related to drugs at all. Basically I just miss having someone to share my daily occurances with and having someone to talk to. I guess that is why I am opening up to you dudes. I can honestly say now that even though I feel like a chump and I honestly don't think this is the last time my friend will be a complere bastard...I haven't given up hope. I will still be there for her and still have fingers crossed that she will get her shit together and stop this nonsense. Some could call me a sucker. Some might be correct. I probably won't be sending any more money to her, but I won't stop trying to save her from herself. I guess I just figured that even with how little I make, that I won't starve if I send her some money, so I did it....the same way I do if I see some bum on the corner and I know that I can give them ten bucks and I will still be drunk and well fed at the end of the night and sleeping inside. I guess it's always knowing that any little gesture isn't really any skin off my back and that I will still make it. Mainly, the thing that hurt me the most is knowing that my friend is a total piece of shit that would trade a friendshp for a hundred bucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shai Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 First day out they are dropping acid and trying to score a 100 bag of coke, it's dumb really. In order for them to get clean, they need to want to get clean. Like you said, you wanted it, and it wasn't that hard... but some people just want to keep living the life they are living and don't think there is an easier way to get out and make something of themselves. It took me about a year to finally stop doing opiates every day. I didn't get on them for fun, I was prescribed them and it went from there. For a while after I stopped doing OCs and morphine in 2003 I was sticking to my dosages and only fucking around with heroin once or twice a month, but the last month of that year (December of 2004) was one long binge...I had to lose a friend to an OD then almost OD myself before I snapped out of it. I did all right till I fell off for most of the spring and summer of 2006. It was a bad time as far as being in the wrong place around the wrong people when I was really depressed and confused. I don't really know why I stopped getting high that time...my recollection is that I got bored with sitting alone in a room all day with a bag of drugs and nothing else to look forward to. And I'm still sorting it all out. I've had to find different ways of dealing with the pain I originally started taking meds for. Also, it's a lonely existence sometimes since I had to distance myself from a lot of people (I'd say about 80% of my friends at the time) because whether they did dope or not, they were almost always around it or someone who had it. So it's not everything it's cracked up to be but I do it so I can hold onto whatever health and sanity I have left. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jukka Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I know where your comin from, my uncle was a tweaker for most of his adult life/ In and out of jail, out of my 23 years ive known him maybe 5 now. We cut contact, sick of loaning money and having him crash at my moms house, the grand parents, other brothers and sisters etc. And for awhile it looked like he was headed for either life in state or an early grave but something happened and he got his shit straight. Even If your friend started showing signs of improvement you still cant jump right back in tho, you might step right back into a role as an enabler. My uncle has had a career in electrical, has been clean gettin married and just closed on a house, so theres always hope. They just need to want it for themselves and be willing to go through what it takes to get it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MitchThe$nitch Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I feel for you BF. A dude I grew up with, known for about 18 years now, was doing the junk. I never even really knew, but he borrowed money from me, his chick borrowed money from me. THey did pay it back..but I found it odd. Long story short by using google I found out he had a serious H problem. He has now been on methadone for going on 5 or 6 years..doesn't work, sits around all day, smoking weed, and I think feeling sorry for himself. Last time I talked to him he told me I need to lie to his mother if she calls me asking if he goes to a methadone clinic daily...snitching or not snitching, I'm not lieing for a junkie. Haven't talked to him since March now... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blood fart Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 I know what it takes to make a person get clean. I have seen literlally dozens of my friends die before they could get clean or even want to get clean So much so that now I am immune to death. I had at least one friend die each month for a few years, now it's slowed down to about five a year...but that is because we're all old and I am done meetng new people. The thing with that whole lifestyle that I accepted long ago is that if you're gonna dance with the Devil....then you gotta be prepared for that thing that happens when you dance with the Devil. Death or bad things or whatever happens when you dance with the Devil...I don't know exactly what that phrase means...but it can't mean anything good. Basically, I was never surprised when I heard that a friend died because that is what was expected. You life fast and stupid and die young. Now I am old and happy to be that way. I don't know that I am any wiser, but I know that I can appreciate life more and I have more compassion for people and am thankful each day to be alive....as cheesy as it sounds. For those that know my past, they know that I should be dead now. But I am not dead. For a reason. That reason is that I was kept here to eat sandwiches and take naps. So now I will follow my calling in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
makeithappennn Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 I have lost alot of friends to drugs..and its not like it isnt expected when youre young and toying around with heavy shit,and most people dont know the repercussions. Its just sad to see this stuff still happening around me,but it will never end..thats just life. I hope you find your calling bloodfart..cause im still looking for mine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheoHuxtable.. Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwampFightOner Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 I feel like alot of people are stuck being addicts/pieces of shit for life, but not always I had an older cousin (my dad's first cousin) who was a homeless alcoholic piece of shit his whole life basically, and definitely my entire life. He was the only member of my dad's family that he even spoke to still, because my dad always said he was a good guy, so periodically he'd come around to stay with us, get clean for awhile, then fuck up and be gone. This dude was so bad me and HATER. ran into him sleeping outside of a tunnel we were painting one day Anyways, after 20+ years of jail and sleeping on the street, I guess he one day just said fuck it and decided to turn his life around. Last time I saw him he was sober, had an apartment, a car, a dog, and was the daytime manager of a strip club Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
with_a_name_like_this Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 i had a similar story with a friend , just my story involves a gangmember going to jail back and forth telling me about how hes going to change next time he gets out , but he goes back to the same b.s. over and over again ... some people just dont listen... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zebradrips Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 my baby used on and off for ten years. he shot coke and dope. mixed it. ate holes right through the tattoos on his arms. we still can't run into the guy who worked on his sleeves without him catching shit for it. sometimes he lived on the streets. hung out with some shitty people. he's 33 now and clean as a whistle, save for the occasional brewski. has a better network of friends and family than even i do. now his biggest problem is dealing with the depression/anger that caused the addiction in the first place. working out a lot and surrounding himself with good peoples has worked pretty well for that. although sometimes i will get kind of sad when i trace the old scar tissue that's grown over his tracks, (sad because it's hard thinking of someone that you love treating themselves so terribly) i don't regret that he ever did it because it made him the amazing person that he is. hard to explain. definitely the strongest person i've ever met. i think you go through hell and back a million times and lose half your friends and it makes you: a) much less tolerant of trifling people, and b) much more appreciative the good things in your life. when i started dating him, some of my friends couldn't get past his past. told me he would always be a piece of shit and i shouldn't trust him. these were girls who would go out and get trashed into oblivion every single night, do coke and sleep with random men. i told them that he treated me better than anyone else i'd ever been with had, but they didn't care. some people hear the word heroin and can't see anything else. not a person, not a history, not a family, not friends. just junky. for life. needless to say, those people aren't my friends anymore. sometimes we will run into people that he used to skate with, who he hasn't seen in years and they will tell me how good he looks and that they've never seen him so healthy or happy. that they always knew he would kick because he was too good for that shit. so a lot of times it just ends in death. but, in cases like his or bf's or shai's, sometimes there is a happy ending, which i think is really important for people to remember. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
...HSAMSnoytiC Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zebradrips Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hpiwPXkbVc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
...HSAMSnoytiC Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 babes, get that seaspan barge you call an ass up to canada so i can motor boat that celluloid cottage cheese. all. night. long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shai Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 but, in cases like his or bf's or shai's, sometimes there is a happy ending, which i think is really important for people to remember. For me, it's not that cut and dried. I wish it was. (What follows this is going to be kind of a bummer and more than I usually share about my life so feel free to skip over it if you want.) I screwed up my body up pretty bad on the job when I was a messenger. (For those of you that are interested I was initially diagnosed with 60-70% cervical stenosis at C6 and C7 which are at the base of my neck, and later on was was told that I have a prearthritic condition in my lower back and knees.) At first it was bad enough to where one day I couldn't lift my or feel my right arm, turn my head to the right past my shoulder or even grip a pen. I went to a series of doctors that had no idea what was wrong with me or what to do besides give me a bunch of heavy duty drugs that I got strung out on (Vicodin, codeine, Ultram, Soma, Flexeril, and temazapam). That was just to get me to where I could get out of bed and be somewhat human. The only thing the doctors I was seeing at the time were concerned with was getting me to say that I felt better enough to go back to work. I wasn't in pain thanks to all the goofballs I was taking, but I still couldn't move or feel my arm because I wasn't getting physical therapy. I was advised by an outside doctor to get an MRI, which they refused (they aren't cheap) so they told me that I had carpal tunnel and told me that they couldn't do anything more for me and that I had to go back to work. Which was all well and good, but there was no way I could work. Eventually I had to get a worker's comp attorney and sue my employer to get the treatment I needed. The lawyer hooked me up so I was able to go to the right doctor, who finally was able to stabilize me but by that point I was so fucked up physically that I needed harder drugs. They prescribed me 120 percs a month to keep me from screaming my head off and started me on a PT program, but I was already hooked from on all the BS that I had been taking for the first six months so I was abusing the percs right off the bat. I was up to about 20 a day, and when those started running out I got into taking OCs. At first I was popping 20s twice a day, then those became 40s, then I was popping 80s...then I started snorting them. Then it was all downhill from there....at my worst point I was doing about 320 mg of OC or morphine a day. Oh, and on top of the OCs I was still getting my ish of 120 percs a month and 240 Ultram, but that was really only a drop in the bucket...basically I was lucky if the percs got me through five days. Fortunately, the Ultram took the edge off of being dopesick when I took it with Imodium but there's no substitute for the real thing when you're strung out. So that's where I was around this time in 2003. I was a shut in. I weighed about 170 pounds and I would only leave my house to get dope...then I'd go home and get high and listen to My Bloody Valentine and Pink Floyd over and over on the nod for hours and days on end. Every now and then I'd go out and write graff or shoplifting when I needed to subsidize my habit but I had pretty much given up on having a social life. Finally I got tired of being an idiot, so I smashed my phone so I couldn't call the dope man and locked myself in my room for a week so I could kick. It was pretty bad, without going too heavy into the details it was like having stomach flu and cabin fever but I knew that if I didn't do it I'd be dead before 30 and I didn't want to put my friends or my dad through that. I came out of it really weak and about 10 pounds lighter...I looked like a ghost, but I could sleep and shit and I actually had an appetite for the first time in months. A couple weeks after that I got a job and somewhat leveled with my doctor...well, I told him that I had been taking too many percs and that I wanted to get back on codeine even if it meant that I had to deal with a little bit of discomfort. That's how I got on (and off) the horse. Do I miss it? Sometimes. At its best, it's like getting a blowjob from God on a cloud made of cotton candy floating through Tahiti. At its worst, it makes you feel like the scum of the earth. There's really no middle ground. It definitely made me stronger, there's no doubt about that. I can laugh at 99% of the drug tales I hear because I know how bad it can be. I can identify with the other 1% because I know the truth when I hear it, and I salute the ones that made it and say a prayer for the ones that didn't. And the pain is still there. I don't like talking about it because that means I have to think about it. But it's kind of like this- I'm legally 40% disabled. I have the legs of a dedicated cyclist, the back of a 60 year old man and one good arm (on the left). I can kick ass in the sprints but I can't sustain it because my neck and my right arm will freeze up if I stay in the drops too long. I've adjusted my position on my bike but it's really playing against some long odds....and I love to ride. I can't turn my head to the right past the two o' clock mark. I can't lift my right arm much past the top of my head without it hurting like a motherfucker. But I've been clean about 350 days out of the year since 2006. There's days where I cave in and dabble but I don't do it because I want to get high, I do it because there's times where I don't want to have to have to feel like a cripple. So that's my happy. I don't really know what to make of it....if anything, I guess maybe some of you might understand me a little bit better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swindle Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 these stories are pretty good reads. everyone has such innnnerestin lives. i grew up across the road from a junkie, in a street of junkies, in a city that was known for its heroin boom in the 90s and i pretty much know fuck all about it. its weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mn1_fuckos Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Damn i don't think i've ever had any friends turn into junkies i've seen em do rails and smoke tons of weed but i guess i been pretty lucky they haven't became full blown junkies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KITTENS Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 ive lost more friends to drugs than to death. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
...HSAMSnoytiC Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 drug talk = boring Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
...HSAMSnoytiC Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 cries for help are often welcomed by laughter emulating from the bottom of my stomach up towards my esophogus and out through my mouth accompanied by my right hand, slapping my right thigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abrasivesaint Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 its awesome when friends go to rehabs/detox and come out much worse than when they went in, or when they've been to rehabs over 4 times and still cant kick it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoes Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 If you choose to use hard drugs daily, don't drag others into your mess Anyone who does should be skinned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shai Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 its awesome when friends go to rehabs/detox and come out much worse than when they went in, or when they've been to rehabs over 4 times and still cant kick it. I have a theory about that. When I had to go to NA for a drug charge in the 90s, I was with a bunch of other people who used to do drugs or still currently did them. I was getting tested weekly for the first three months, so I just wanted to play it straight and get it over with so I could get off probation. However, two meetings in all I wanted to was go out and get fucked up afterward because it was all war stories, talk about sobriety and higher power this and working your program that. I didn't mind that it was helping everyone else there. It was driving me fucking insane because I was determined to to stay clean and the message I heard every night was that I was doomed to fail unless I did exactly what everyone else was doing. If you're stubborn like me, that's like a slap in the face. But I kept my mouth shut because getting signed off by the secretary was more important than dropping the bomb, so I never participated in the meetings. I wanted to say that I wasn't mad at any of the people there since they were just doing what they had to do to stay clean and that was admirable....but I felt like they had traded one addiction for another and there were times where I felt like I was being brainwashed. I would introduce myself by saying, "My name is ***** and I'm here because the court wants me to get a signature" and sit down and not say another word till the meeting was over. Ironically, when it was all over and I got stoned for the first time in months I realized I didn't like it that much anymore. Cut to a few years later. I ended up in a similar program but this time it was because I had ODed and ended up in the psych ward (long story). I talked my way out of a 72 hour hold by promising to go to group drug counseling for three months. After the first meeting and hearing the same shit all over again, I told the secretary that I wasn't coming back...she looked at my file and said "but this says the meetings are mandatory, you have to attend them" and I told her that was great and all, but I was through and if they wanted to try and make me go they could do their worst. And that was that...nothing came of it. I moved two weeks later, changed my number and never heard from them again. Rehab/NA/AA definitely works for some people. The only thing that's ever worked for me is to get away from the dope scene, then get busy doing other shit so I won't have time to think about getting high. It may not always stick, but I feel a hell of a lot better about myself when I'm not constantly being told that I have to follow a program to stay clean. That just pisses me off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bahleediddy Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Damn i don't think i've ever had any friends turn into junkies i've seen em do rails and smoke tons of weed but i guess i been pretty lucky they haven't became full blown junkies. your city does not have the raging dope problem with writers like a lot of other major metro cities due. everyone there is still on that hiphop smoking blunts wearing khaki polo hats tip. the first dope addicts i knew in those circles were people who moved from out of town. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwampFightOner Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 The first people I ever met who did dope were all graffiti writers/groupies. Luckily for me I prefer uppers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GucciCondom Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 People are trash in one way or another and there isn't really any way around it. It's been over a year since I stopped talking to all of my daily friends, once-in-a-while friends, and acquaintances. I have one good friend, who has been through the same thing as me with quitting opiates and we've been boys for almost a decade - so we stick together. I had one other friend recently at work but I've decided to distance myself because he is kind of cheap and wants to hit my weed but not pay for it. I don't like people like that. But basically I don't like people or need people. They are not focused on success, and will never go where I am going. I don't want friends, parties, bitches or anything really. I'll worry about all that in 5 years after I have a Maserati and a nasty ass crib and stacks for days. You need to sacrifice what you are, for what you will become. People talk a lot of shit about how they are dedicated to this and that, but it's just a front, My eye is on the prize, fuck everything else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheoHuxtable.. Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 cries for help are often welcomed by laughter emulating from the bottom of my stomach up towards my esophogus and out through my mouth accompanied by my right hand, slapping my right thigh. *emanating Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LexDiamonds Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 real talk.[/size] Hollllllllllllllla. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mountain dew Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 I don't want friends, parties, bitches or anything really. I'll worry about all that in 5 years after I have a Maserati and a nasty ass crib and stacks for days. You need to sacrifice what you are, for what you will become. People talk a lot of shit about how they are dedicated to this and that, but it's just a front, My eye is on the prize, fuck everything else. Enough said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat ralphy Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 2 years sober. i got some friends that I thought were going to be life long friends but that I don't talk to anymore because they are only concerned about their fix... it's fucked but I can't write them off completely only because I know how an alcoholic and addict functions...maybe one day they will come around sucks about your friend BF 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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