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DAO 20,000 POST SUPERTHREADDD


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There was one legend about the man. He was rumored to have a keyboard and screen on everything he owned: his garments, his traveling vestments, his horse, his personal articles. And a fiery anger that outshone all in the land. Reclusive one he was, but one not to be trifled with, for he would be certain to bring about the fury of the Gods upon the unfortunate traveler to Anger him.

 

His fury was the stuff of myths, the heat of a thousand suns. His work... Unrivaled. His persistence... Unmatched. Legend has it he argued a wall to the ground... and then claimed it was "Backpedaling" and illustrated his point with a unicycle pedaling strangely forward. Not a one dared question his logic. He had beaten the dead horse to the point of extinction. And the stories about him only grew from hamlet to hamlet.

 

He was sometimes known as the Keeper of the Red. He had bullets, Negative Props, they were called. And deadly they were. They were known to fell those reckless with the tongue in one fell swoop. Even seasoned adventurers were prone to his deadly accuracy. At stake were your Tic-Tacs, your internet badges of approval. To suffer the pain of a Negative Prop was akin to losing family. It was permanent and always accompanied by a heated, burning accusation, that you were a "faggot" or a "fucking idiot." Mercy on those unfortunate enough to be revealed to have tight pants.. He reserved his strongest fury for them. The snitches were next; not a stop sign nor white Deco-Color paint pen was safe.

 

Also in his arsenal was the fated Wall of Red HAHAHAHA. It was unmistakable, taking up page after page and stopping posters like spike strips. Reckless and unceasing, they would go on, seemingly forever. Only those armed with a quick eye for rapid scrolling would acutely dodge the trap.

 

He sometimes enlisted the help of others. In particular, he had a sidekick with Down's syndrome who would pose in a Superman outfit, demanding that an unjust offender "Shut The Fuck Up!" To save time, the master took a picture of his sidekick and uses it readily. His marksmanship, even with pictures, even pictures of the handicapped, is unmatched.

 

Did he have enemies? Certainly. In fact, he had legions of enemies... some say they were too afraid to ever band up and attack en masse. A full frontal assault was foolhardy. He would respond with a multi-pronged attack including real pictures, names, graffiti names, and every single even remotely questionable post you had ever written. He would even edit your posts to reflect his point, if necessary. Such was his power. Some valiantly pointed out that he blatantly contradicted himself or went against well-known or scientific fact. There was no stemming the tide. Any three year old or NASA physicist, he claimed, would see the logic and superiority of his point, you faggot.

 

On the First Day, DAO created his First Post on the Zero Channel, long since lost in lore and legend. Some say it was a compliment. "Nice Shoes." Some say he agreed with someone. "Yes, I see the validity of your point, and I agree." Some say it was simply the discussion of knowledge. "I agree with what Gore argues in An Inconvenient Truth, but I would like to inquire as to how his suggestions would fit in with the current American Budget Crisis."

 

On the Second Day, DAO delineated his Standards for Cheesesteak Creation. Anyone found in deviation from these sacrosanct standards were found to be guilty of being "a fucking idiot, and probably a fucking hipster faggot." The Bun, he says, makes all the difference. And you Must be within certain Zip or Area Codes when purchasing and consuming the "Cheesesteak," lest you do so in error.

 

On the Third Day DAO picked his First Fight, with After School Special. Much like the Cold War, it was to be the Conflagration of the Century. It carried on for years, both sides wearying, yet never ceasing. Finally, After School Special was struck down by the Ban Hammer. Little is known of his whereabouts or status now. Sightings have been rumored on BombingScience.com...

 

On the Fourth Day, DAO created the Evolutionary Cycle.

 

And on the Fifth, Sixth, and Seventh days, he argued.

 

From that day on, and for the rest of eternity, no man, woman, child, gay, straight, black, white, wolf, dog, whale, or bear, is or was safe.

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There was one legend about the man. He was rumored to have a keyboard and screen on everything he owned: his garments, his traveling vestments, his horse, his personal articles. And a fiery anger that outshone all in the land. Reclusive one he was, but one not to be trifled with, for he would be certain to bring about the fury of the Gods upon the unfortunate traveler to Anger him.

 

His fury was the stuff of myths, the heat of a thousand suns. His work... Unrivaled. His persistence... Unmatched. Legend has it he argued a wall to the ground... and then claimed it was "Backpedaling" and illustrated his point with a unicycle pedaling strangely forward. Not a one dared question his logic. He had beaten the dead horse to the point of extinction. And the stories about him only grew from hamlet to hamlet.

 

He was sometimes known as the Keeper of the Red. He had bullets, Negative Props, they were called. And deadly they were. They were known to fell those reckless with the tongue in one fell swoop. Even seasoned adventurers were prone to his deadly accuracy. At stake were your Tic-Tacs, your internet badges of approval. To suffer the pain of a Negative Prop was akin to losing family. It was permanent and always accompanied by a heated, burning accusation, that you were a "faggot" or a "fucking idiot." Mercy on those unfortunate enough to be revealed to have tight pants.. He reserved his strongest fury for them. The snitches were next; not a stop sign nor white Deco-Color paint pen was safe.

 

Also in his arsenal was the fated Wall of Red HAHAHAHA. It was unmistakable, taking up page after page and stopping posters like spike strips. Reckless and unceasing, they would go on, seemingly forever. Only those armed with a quick eye for rapid scrolling would acutely dodge the trap.

 

He sometimes enlisted the help of others. In particular, he had a sidekick with Down's syndrome who would pose in a Superman outfit, demanding that an unjust offender "Shut The Fuck Up!" To save time, the master took a picture of his sidekick and uses it readily. His marksmanship, even with pictures, even pictures of the handicapped, is unmatched.

 

Did he have enemies? Certainly. In fact, he had legions of enemies... some say they were too afraid to ever band up and attack en masse. A full frontal assault was foolhardy. He would respond with a multi-pronged attack including real pictures, names, graffiti names, and every single even remotely questionable post you had ever written. He would even edit your posts to reflect his point, if necessary. Such was his power. Some valiantly pointed out that he blatantly contradicted himself or went against well-known or scientific fact. There was no stemming the tide. Any three year old or NASA physicist, he claimed, would see the logic and superiority of his point, you faggot.

 

On the First Day, DAO created his First Post on the Zero Channel, long since lost in lore and legend. Some say it was a compliment. "Nice Shoes." Some say he agreed with someone. "Yes, I see the validity of your point, and I agree." Some say it was simply the discussion of knowledge. "I agree with what Gore argues in An Inconvenient Truth, but I would like to inquire as to how his suggestions would fit in with the current American Budget Crisis."

 

On the Second Day, DAO delineated his Standards for Cheesesteak Creation. Anyone found in deviation from these sacrosanct standards were found to be guilty of being "a fucking idiot, and probably a fucking hipster faggot." The Bun, he says, makes all the difference. And you Must be within certain Zip or Area Codes when purchasing and consuming the "Cheesesteak," lest you do so in error.

 

On the Third Day DAO picked his First Fight, with After School Special. Much like the Cold War, it was to be the Conflagration of the Century. It carried on for years, both sides wearying, yet never ceasing. Finally, After School Special was struck down by the Ban Hammer. Little is known of his whereabouts or status now. Sightings have been rumored on BombingScience.com...

 

On the Fourth Day, DAO created the Evolutionary Cycle.

 

And on the Fifth, Sixth, and Seventh days, he argued.

 

From that day on, and for the rest of eternity, no man, woman, child, gay, straight, black, white, wolf, dog, whale, or bear, is or was safe.

 

 

 

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