One Man Banned Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 If you can't afford an alarm system find someone who has one and snatch the alarm co. sign from them, post in your own yard. Instant security upgrade. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deine Mudder Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 more 3-d Imax movies are usless when drunk If you can't impress em with facts, baffle em with bullshit check how much toiletpaper there is before shitting. When you're in class, sit next to a girl and start to draw. Shell probably notice and want to lick your balls dont get mad, dont give a fuck. MY DICK IS CLEANER THAN THE FLUSH HANDLE Also draw mustaches on people in the newspaper. It's a stress reliever. don't take lsd and take the fucking greyhound for 9 hours... if your shoes smell. treat your feet not your shoes if you were alive in 2006 you are one of the many recipients of Time magazine's Person of the year award. in 2006 time magazine gave "everyone" the award while making their cover as close to a mirror as possible. be sure to mark it on your resume. if you think it is, it probably is. shes not going to call you back i was at a bar saturday night seeing a band and the AC wasn't on so it was hot as hell. i put my empty beer bottle in my back pocket and hung my coat off of it. when you jack off, leave the door unlocked. it makes for a better orgasm if someone walks in mid sploosh on another note: if you run into a girl and you feel theres an automatic mutual attraction, ask for her number. no matter how awkward, even if the only thing you shared was a smile. i ran into a real cute blonde yesterday after i smoked a blunt. got the fuck me eyes, didnt ask, and its been bugging me ever since. she was looking at your bloodshot eyes. it probably didn't happen in slow motion either. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Man Banned Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 If your shoes stink because they're getting old or whatever, put them in a plastic bag & into the freezer for an hour- kills all the germs/bacteria that are making them stink. Like said above though, wash yo feets! 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel Schnauzer Posted April 8, 2018 Share Posted April 8, 2018 Always do take out and leave a couple menus in your car of near by spots so after you pick up shorty u can bring her to your place getting them over is half the battle. Never tell people how much money u have flexing isn't cute and will cost u. When u go out to meet women never go alone bring one or two friends always better when its women friends they will naturally draw in other women. After dating a girl for a while its important to have checks and balances. Wet Wipes are great keep them clutch for getting rid of the duck butter: when sweat and goo builds up between thigh and balls 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DETO Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 AUDIO BOOKS SUUUUCK. I NEED MUSIC WHILE I'M TRAVELING, BUT THE WIFE ALWAYS TURNS THE VOLUME DOWN SO WE CAN TALK AND SHE GETS BUGGED WHEN I TURN IT BACK UP. BUT TRUTHFULLY ALL I EVER HEAR ON ROAD TRIPS IS THE SOUND OF CARTOONS COMING FROM THE BACK SEAT BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER WON'T KEEP HER HEADPHONES ON UNLESS SHES ON HER IPAD... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Man Banned Posted May 10, 2018 Share Posted May 10, 2018 (edited) Never slip and fall in a dildo factory. Edited May 10, 2018 by Guest 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lord_casek Posted May 11, 2018 Share Posted May 11, 2018 AUDIO BOOKS SUUUUCK. I NEED MUSIC WHILE I'M TRAVELING, BUT THE WIFE ALWAYS TURNS THE VOLUME DOWN SO WE CAN TALK AND SHE GETS BUGGED WHEN I TURN IT BACK UP. BUT TRUTHFULLY ALL I EVER HEAR ON ROAD TRIPS IS THE SOUND OF CARTOONS COMING FROM THE BACK SEAT BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER WON'T KEEP HER HEADPHONES ON UNLESS SHES ON HER IPAD... When writers get old....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel Schnauzer Posted May 11, 2018 Share Posted May 11, 2018 When writers get old....... I’m not old and I watch Curious George and Paw Patrol with my Son on the regular I’m not even thirty yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misteraven Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 You new jacks: some gems in here so go back and read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel Schnauzer Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 Buy multiples one for Gym bag traveling bag work bag and one for car if you like pussy or get pussy regularly than it’s obvious you keep a clean mouth. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel Schnauzer Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 If you like pussy you also gotta keep them nails short. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freakeenyc Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 Google translate can help u converse in real time with a lot of languages and if u take a pic of something it can automatically translate and superimpose the translation on the image Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GnomeToys Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 Being half drunk while going through airport security has a 90% success rate at getting it done faster. If you're flying longer distance and stuck next to someone unaware of personal space, getting absolutely shit faced and passing out drooling is a good strategy. They'll often have magically relocated when you wake up in a half hour. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luhem Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 Place a couple squares of toilet paper into the bowl before going poo - this eliminates poop water splash back 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+plus+ Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 I tried that and my dense logs just torpedo through the protective paper layer. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inappropriate_Responder Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 Wash your hands frequently, at minimum 20 seconds, hot water preferably. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schnitzel Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 you keep on baiting that mouse trap until it stops pulling in the little fuckers 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Man Banned Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 If you run out of lotion you can masturbate with tabasco sauce, which also provides a warming sensation. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty_habiT Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 If you think your asshole is delicate and special you're tempted to buy ultra soft toilet paper for a luxurious experience. Don't do it. You'll end up with ass dreadlocks made out of butt hair and tp dingle berries. Go for the ultra strong charmin. Haven't had my delicate ass scraped up once by it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel Schnauzer Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Nose hairs are also gross I wax mine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 That is pretty dedicated, may be a bridge to far for me though. Tweezing a couple wild ones is one thing, waxing is intimidating to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMdoubleXL Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Wax your butt hole while you’re at it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 Cheap flights right now with the pandemic and all, I just booked for Puerto Rico next year RT from the american midwest for 300, with no fee flight change if I want it. Keep a dedicated set of toiletries for travel instead of building a set everytime, cuts down on items left behind and reduces packing time. Packing cubes are pretty swell, the garment sleeve for hanging clothes is another new feature of luggage that I really appreciate, when teamed up with some velvet hangers it makes unpacking a breeze. I let my inner Seattleite shine and bring a packable/reusable cloth bag when I travel, comes in handy and I after not using disposable plastic bags for so long I find em kind of a bummer now unless I need one for something which is rare and can be planned for. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Man Banned Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 You can save water by taking shits in other people's yards at night. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 How does the time of day matter? 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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