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everyday life tips and tricks


morton

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take care of your feet. i can not stress this enough. so many aches and pains can be prevented with new socks and good shoes. your partner will also love you for it.

 

cutting a v wedge can prevent ingrown toenails.

 

shit while you are at work, on the clock. taking 10 minutes a day to shit at work adds up to almost 40 hours per year, as good as a vacation plus the savings on TP and water.

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if you ever need an umbrella when out walking and it starts raining. go to any resteraunt and ask them if they found your umbrella. if they ask what it looks like. say its black.

 

 

 

always walk like you know where you are and what your doing. most people will just let you go.

 

 

 

when buying something online and you see a spot for a promo code or coupon code just go on google and enter northface coupon codes or whatever website your on. theres always something from 25% off to free shipping.

 

 

if an officer asks you were your going, the correct answer is always HOME.

 

 

if you get a call from a telemarketer, you can press 9 at any time, the call will be dropped and your phone number is put on the do not call list. 95% of companies have this.

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hmmmm. let me see here. tryna help you guys out.

 

 

walk on the sides of stairs to avoid or reduce creeks

 

press 0 during most automatic menu phone systems to be transferred to the operator. or mashing all the buttons work as well. or if voice activated you can say representative

 

 

if you feel uncomfortable looking into someones eyes when they talk to you look at their nose or forehead, they cant tell the difference

 

 

on elevators press your floor and close door at the same time to skip anyone who pressed the floor ahead of you

 

 

AAA costs $26 and you get 3 free tows a year. buy it

 

 

if your shoes smell. treat your feet not your shoes

 

if you dont know somones name just say im sorry but what was your name again? they act offended but they give you their name just say no i ment your last name. bingo first and last names.

 

dont be rude but never answer any cops questions when called for questioning. EVERYTHING YOU SAY WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU. THEY CANNOT HELP YOU.

 

if you ever have to present something bring a bottle of water and if your stuck somewere drink to gather your thoughts. nobody will be the wiser

 

the color of twist ties on bread in the supermarket indicate which day the bread was shipped fresh to the store.

monday=blue

tuesday=green

thursday=red

friday=white

saterday=yellow

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if you were alive in 2006 you are one of the many recipients of Time magazine's Person of the year award. in 2006 time magazine gave "everyone" the award while making their cover as close to a mirror as possible. be sure to mark it on your resume.

 

 

if you need to be sick for something publicly, eat half a cigarette. youll get sweaty dizzy pale clammy and youll look sick. in 20 minutes after eating youll aggressively vomit. a dramatic but effective way to prove sickness

 

 

if war is near breaking out. invest in that nations razor blade companies. many more young men will be shaving on a regular basis.

 

buying a new car is functionally equivalent to buying a used car then paying an exorbitant sum of money to have it cleaned

 

 

if your ever doing strange or unusual in public and you're hassled look them in the eye and say im making art do you mind? you can get away with just about anything.

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always walk like you know where you are and what your doing. most people will just let you go.

 

THIS

 

 

 

 

rub baby powder on your skin like lotion, to remove beach sand smoothly.

 

when you travel, bring a few ziplock bags. yuu never know when you need to protect your camera/phone from getting wet.

 

tread lightly around a bitch in a store who is carrying tampons and ice cream.

 

-in reference to something above-last time we took apart a 9 volt battery, there was no aaa batteries inside.

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-take multivitamins...you can by boxes that come with 50-100 individual packages of 5-6 essential vitamins. Get them at places like Costco/Sams Club/type places

 

-never NEVER put the pussy on a pedestal

 

-refrain from using drugs. They're fun, but they're pointless and will not help you achieve your true potential

 

-read books, magazines, or watch informative shows. steer clear of mindless entertainment, it literally rots ya brain..

 

-if you believe in religious structure or have faith in your government, try to disassociate yourself from these ideas as soon as you can, it will prove beneficial later on in life

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If you go to a restaurant and order the fajitas, they're probably only going to give you 3 fucking tortillas. Well, make and eat two of the fajitas, and then accidentally drop the last tortilla before you fill it with chicken. When the server comes by, mention it, and they'll bring you another 3 tortillas for the price of nothing, instead of 3, you get 5.

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cash in on a disposable society. there is a lot of truth in "one man's trash is another man's treasure"

 

so you've noticed that douchebags tend to get farther than you and want to know how to add a bit of vinegar to your life?

 

Decide who you want people to think you are. Fabricate a personality that you admire. If you want, mix up styles from different types of people.

 

 

Pretend you're not interested when others are talking. This shows people that they need to say something important to get your attention. This point will make people more interested in you and strive for your attention. Don't overdo it though! Some people might think that you're stuck up.

 

Smile as if you have a juicy secret...but refuse to tell others. Whenever someone asks you if you like someone else, smile that secret smile and say "Why? Do you?" or just leave him/her hanging.

 

do this while wearing aviator sunglasses, focusing on how portishead was so much cooler before they sold out and you are set for a fine summers eve

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