morton Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 If you two are no longer sharing a roof be sure that you have the kid with you as much as possible. Being that you are unemployed you may have the time for it. Document this time as the court may not believe it in the future. Take pictures and build a future witness from someone outside of your family that you are indeed quite involved. Conduct yourself in a manner consistent with what you would like to end up before the court because as I suggested earlier it is my firm belief based on very few details although it is that this will end in a courtroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zebradrips Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 if i called the cops on my dude for any reason whatsoever, i would never expect him to talk to me again, end of story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobbyMoney Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 stay strong, get out <<experience Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirtydoses Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Women are evil. This has been proven time & time again. this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouMad.GIF Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 One more thing, try your hardest NOT to shit talk her to your kid. It's not good for the kid anyways, but it can also come back to bite you in the ass. I know it's tough for someone not do that, but even saying something like "Your mother is a psychotic bitch!" (when tempers flare) then trying to do damage control after --could come back and bite you in the ass. Yeah I wouldn't do that ever the difference between me and her is that no matter how much I hate her, I still understand that to my son, that's his mommy and the only one he's ever going to have. My parents were never married, and through my whole life they talked shit about each other to me, and it really fucked me up as a kid. That's a lot of the reason I tried to do whatever to make it work - I really wanted him to have a better family situation than me... But it looks like he's gonna have the same situation. As for dirt, it's already on paper that she got kicked out of 3 rehabs, one as recently as about 20 months ago, she currently has a restricted license for a DUI, and add the assault charge I'm gonna press, and she looks far worse on paper than me. I have a misdemeanor drug charge from 06, a series of driving on a suspended charges, and that's it. I also graduated from a good college, and have a family willing to back me up. Her mom wasn't even speaking to her before she got pregnant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouMad.GIF Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 What I really learned tho, is that all the females who bitch about how the father isn't in their lives, it's probably their fault! When they do come across a guy who is a good father but won't conform to their every whim, they make their life hell and force them as far away as possible! I think she was honestly suprised that I manned up like I did, I think she expected for me to be absent and she wanted that so she could hate on me... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nasir oric' Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 i dunno what wakes em that way.. maybe it's not having to own up to lick of responsibility their whole fucking lives. someone will always superman them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earl broclo ESQ Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 That's a lot of the reason I tried to do whatever to make it work - I really wanted him to have a better family situation than me... But it looks like he's gonna have the same situation. Just be the best father you can be, and maybe he won't. It's unfortunate that the situation is like this, but just do what you can, on your side of the fence, to be there. Leaving this broad is probably the first and best step to a better future for him. Maybe if you guys are separated, you'll be more civil in the future. Plus it will give you a chance to find a woman you think is sane enough and fit to be a mother figure in his life. My buddy that I was talking about above, his wife is now the step mom. She's amazing, and really involved with his daughter. Since his daughter started living under his roof, she has turned full circle in school and is visibly happier. I honestly believe the bond with his new wife plays a huge roll in that. So yeah, your son's mom might be a bitch, but that doesn't mean his future has to be tainted. Just pick a better apple from the patch next time, and keep your son in mind when you sign up for that shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wayne hits Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 pressing charges is a BITCH MOVE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earl broclo ESQ Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Not if he has to prove to the courts that she is unfit for custody. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomentIsNow Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 I'd rather press charges than lose my son to some psychotic bitch. Earl, you seem to know a lot about this. Past experience? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stud Kickass Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 pressing charges is a BITCH MOVE. Yo I kEePs It ReAl Yo. I dOn'T cArE bOuT mY kId. JuSt mY sTrEet CrEd Yo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earl broclo ESQ Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Earl, you seem to know a lot about this. Past experience? My closest friend went through this (I spoke about him above). I was there when his daughter was born, she's 14 now, and I've been there with him through all the shit with his ex. So I don't have first hand experience, but I'm one of the few people he really confides in, so I'm pretty much regurgitating what I've seen and heard from him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILOTSMYBRAIN Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Not if he has to prove to the courts that she is unfit for custody. This. A relative of mine is having a problem with his wife because well she's insane. He was even warned by her parents. Regardless he wanted out of the situation, but was worried (because divorce laws are 200% in favor of women and not men) that he would lose possibly his house and custody over his child. So he patiently waited for the right time to do it. Turns out, one weekend an argument starts, she bugs. Starts to get violent. He calls the cops. They come, ask him, her and the child some questions, come to find out that he was telling the truth, and take her. Now he's got a restraining order and a means in court to prove to the judge that the kid is much more better off with him than her. Even so I still know custody isn't 100% in the bag. Still a smarter approach, imo. GL tho Tre, these situations suck, I wish you the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earl broclo ESQ Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Even so I still know custody isn't 100% in the bag. Still a smarter approach, imo. Most family courts are in favor of what's best for the child. If there is proof that the mother is insane, the child is doing better in the father's home, or any other kind of neglect, they'll usually push towards the better parent. When you bring lawyers into the mess, it gets complicated, but for the most part, if you can prove it you're better off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwampFightOner Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 I don't think I know a single father with custody of their child. Fuckin courts love a crying woman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stud Kickass Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 No shit especially if you love in a mother state. My boy had some issues and a cop told him the mother has he right to give the cold to anyone she wants. So she could give it to a total stranger and there's nothing he could do about it. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earl broclo ESQ Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 What? A cop, a cold, and a crying mother? I'm confused. As for the courts being easy on mothers? Yeah, that's the popular ideal. But (depending on local justice) if a father has a solid case it will go to him. You need to have proof. I keep saying this. People like to fall back on that "the courts just give it to the mom" bullshit, but the father's probably didn't have shit walking into the court that day. I do believe that family courts are out for the best when it comes to the child. So no matter what hole you piss from, if you go into court saying "they beat my kid, i have these messages, these photos, this proof, this arrest, this court docket, this phone message" etc, then you're chances are heavily in your favor. You really need to prove yourself if you want to be the parent with custody. You can't walk to the judge and say "Yo yah Honah, this bitch is crazy yo, she be like yelling and shit." It won't cut it. You have to have some serious dirt. Something as simple as an email from the mother saying "I hate you" to the child, or as extreme as a written deposition from the child saying "I don't want to live with my mother because......" The mother might be looked upon with different eyes, but if she's fucking up and you can prove it, the court will probably work in your favor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Earl, I would not hang my hat on such a argument. It is a very nuanced affair and changes greatly from state to state county to county. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SerialSkiller Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Go talk with an attorney regarding your interests in this child's life. Get a parenting plan before the court before things get too ugly. Even if you are still living together and do not need to follow it you need something to fall back on. Or you can wait 8 years like I did go through more bullshit and spend 40 thousand dollars in attorneys fees to get what you may be able to have her agree to now. And lay off the pot for a minute while you do so, it will help you see clearly. this is what im in the middle of trying to motivate myself to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SerialSkiller Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 In WA the police have a policy with DV that is someone has to go to jail if we show up. Usually the dad will be the one often agreeing to it out of misplaced loyalty. if WE show up? what the fuck, major slip up dude... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 dude, I am not too hot on the written word aight Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earl broclo ESQ Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Earl, I would not hang my hat on such a argument. It is a very nuanced affair and changes greatly from state to state county to county. That's why I said this in my post: But (depending on local justice) if a father has a solid case it will go to him. You need to have proof. There are too many things that could get involved in these cases, but I do believe the family courts have the best interest of the child and not the gender of the parent. It all depends on the case and how it's handled by both sides. Kimjung seems to have a solid case against his woman, but it would still be a struggle for him, and court fees out the ass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosingMyMind Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Maybe you could use the threat of pressing charges on that incident as leverage to get her to come to a reasonable out of court settlement. Could be worth a try if it would avoid a lengthy, stressful and costly court battle, and would be better for everyone, unless your going for sole custody that is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furvert Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Women are evil. This has been proven time & time again. Just stay away from the hoodrats and you will be fine. GEEZ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Loosing, If he were to pursue such a strategy it would put the validity of the DV charge into question and paint Kim as a person abusing the system to exploit the mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouMad.GIF Posted August 12, 2009 Author Share Posted August 12, 2009 Loosing, If he were to pursue such a strategy it would put the validity of the DV charge into question and paint Kim as a person abusing the system to exploit the mother. Yeah pretty much and like the cops told me, he's so young that by default he goes with the mother unless I can prove imminent threat to his safety - even though she has been kicked out of 3 rehabs and is potentially violent towards me that still isn't anywhere near enough. Furthermore I don't want DHS involved unless I have to... Either way I'm not too worried about her trying to complety push me out of his life - her own family wouldn't stand for that as of right now, and she just isn't capable of taking care of him 24/7 keep in mind her own mother won't let her move back home no matter what, and refuses to offer her any support- she doesn't have anywhere else to turn too which works heavily to my advantage. Think about it - what happens to pretty much every abandoned baby momma? They move back in with their own mother for the much needed support... But it speaks volumes that this is not an option for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouMad.GIF Posted August 12, 2009 Author Share Posted August 12, 2009 Also I think Earl has a good point - most fathers in my position just throw their hands up and give up at least i am starting out with some solid ground and heavy dirt on her - if it wasn't for these factors I might not have a leg to stand on, but I think I have a pretty solid shot given all the dirt I have. At least later on... for the first several years I won't be able to do shit, but I'm looking at a large scale 18 year picture. Honestly I think this is probably a blessing in disguise as a lot of people have come out of the woodwork in support of me, and since I can't make any custody claims as of yet, it frees me up to travel a little and possibly find better employment outside of where I'm at. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 I agree that strategically making a move for custody when the child is 4 months is a difficult proposition. Keep in mind however that when it comes to the best interest of the child the law will need to examine weather the negative impact of moving the child will outweigh the benefits of the new environment. I say to make your move to establish a parenting plan now before either of you is in a new relationship which is generally when things start to get uglier faster. Unless you can take the child with you finding employment in another area is probably the best way to ensure that you will not have a relationship with your child unless the mother hands the whole affair over to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritably Clean Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Speak for yourself, homie. Some of us beat our wimminz. this is how i picture it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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