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El Mamerro

Jonathon Keats.

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jonathon-keats-at-desk.jpg

 

This dude wins at coming up with brilliant pointless shit.

 

 

Among the things he has done so far:

 

-Keats made his debut in 2000 at Refusalon in San Francisco, where he sat in a chair and thought for 24 hours, with a female model posing nude in the gallery. His thoughts were sold to patrons as art, at a price determined by dividing their annual income down to the minute.

 

-In 2002 Keats held a petition drive to pass the Law of Identity, A = A, a law of logic, as statutory law in Berkeley, California. Specifically, the proposed law stated that, "every entity shall be identical to itself." Any entity caught being unidentical to itself was to be subject to a fine of up to one tenth of a cent. Deemed "too weird for Berkeley" in an Oakland Tribune headline, the law did not pass.

 

-Keats copyrighted his mind in 2003, claiming that it was a sculpture that he'd created, neural network by neural network, through the act of thinking. The reason, he told the BBC World Service when interviewed about the project, was to attain temporary immortality, on the grounds that the Copyright Act would give him intellectual property rights on his mind for a period of seventy years after his death. He reasoned that, if he licensed out those rights, he would fulfill the Cogito ("I think, therefore I am"), paradoxically surviving himself by seven decades. In order to fund the posthumous marketing of intellectual property rights to his mind, he sold futures contracts on his brain in an IPO at Modernism Gallery in San Francisco.

 

-Keats is most famous for attempting to genetically engineer God in a laboratory, a 2004 collaboration with geneticists at UC Berkeley. He did so in order to determine scientifically where to place God as a species on the phylogenetic tree. In interviews with journalists, he indicated that his initial results showed a close taxonomic relationship to cyanobacteria, but cautioned that his pilot study, which relied on continuous in vitro evolution, was not definitive, urging interested parties to pursue their own research, and to submit findings to the International Association for Divine Taxonomy, on which he served as executive director.

 

-In 2005 he started customizing the metric system for patrons including Craigslist founder Craig Newmark and Pop artist Ed Ruscha. He did so by recalibrating time to each person's heartbeat, and mathematically deriving a new length for the meter, liter, kilogram, and calorie accordingly.

 

-Around the same time, he became interested in extraterrestrial abstract art, and began producing canvas paintings based on signals detected by the Arecibo Observatory radiotelescope in Puerto Rico. This was the basis of the First Intergalactic Art Exposition, a 2006 solo show at the Judah L. Magnes Museum in Berkeley, California. As part of this exhibition, he also transmitted his own abstract artwork out into the cosmos.

 

-In 2006 Keats undertook several new projects, including two collaborations with other species: In rural Georgia, he gave fifty Leyland cypress trees the opportunity to make art by providing them with easels.

 

-In Chico, California, he choreographed a ballet for honeybees by selectively planting flowers on the Chico State University farm, reverse engineering honeybee communication to suggest dance arrangements inside hives.

 

-Keats also turned to himself as the subject of a lifelong thought experiment, undertaken through the act of living. To make the experiment scientifically rigorous, he established a scientific control in the form of a high-density carbon graphite block precisely calibrated to match the carbon weight of his own body. The block was placed on display under a bell jar at the Exploratorium in San Francisco.

 

-At Modernism Gallery in San Francisco, he applied string theory to real estate development, enlisting the legal framework of air rights to buy and sell properties in the extra dimensions of space theorized by physics. To encourage speculation, the artist created blueprints for a four-dimensional tesseract house that purchasers might use as a vacation home. One hundred and seventy-two lots on six Bay Area properties were bought on the first day of sales.

 

-In 2007, Keats created a mobile ring tone based on the John Cage composition 4'33", a remix comprising precisely four minutes and 33 seconds of digital silence, sparking controversy in the classical music community, and the world of technology, while attracting a following in the world of astrology. Titled "My Cage (Silence for Cellphone)", the ringtone has since been broadcast on public radio in both the United States and Sweden.

 

-In Chico, California, Keats opened the world's first porn theater for house plants, projecting video footage of pollination onto the foliage of ninety rhododendrons. He released

. His film was widely commented upon in the media following coverage by Reuters and the BBC News Hour.

 

-At the RT Hansen Gallery in Berlin, Germany, he sold arts patrons the experience of spending money.

 

-For an exhibition at the Berkeley Art Museum, he designed a new kind of electronic voting booth, based on a nationwide network of ouija boards. While ouija voting booths have yet to be implemented in a major election, California Magazine cited the project in a 2007 round-up of "25 Brilliant California Ideas".

 

-At Modernism Gallery in San Francisco the following month, Keats developed new miracles, including novel solar systems and supernova pyrotechnic displays, which he made available for licensing by gods. In addition, he composed a sonata to be performed on the constellations, released through GarageBand.

 

-Keats announced that he had discovered a way to play God, using quantum mechanics to generate new universes. Enlisting the many worlds interpretation of physicist Hugh Everett, his process made use of readily-available equipment including uranium-doped glass and scintillating crystal, all acquired on eBay. After building several prototypes, Keats manufactured a simple D.I.Y. kit that purported to let anyone create new universes with a mason jar, a drinking straw, and a piece of chewing gum, a gadget much commented upon in the media and widely popular in the blogosphere. In an exhibition at Modernism Gallery in San Francisco, Keats sold the kits for $20 apiece, and also presented plans, simultaneously submitted to the United States Department of Energy, for a much larger factory, which would generate new universes from the nuclear waste slated to be buried under Yucca Mountain in the next decade.

 

-In early 2009, Keats was an artist-in-residence at Montana State University in Bozeman, where he opened the world's second porn theater for house plants, based on the porn theater he opened in Chico, CA in 2007, but in this case catering to an audience of local zinnias.

 

-He also composed a song to be performed by Mandeville Creek on the MSU campus, orchestrated by rearranging rocks melodically, using the musical structure of the medieval rondeau.

 

 

And finally,

 

-In June 2009, Keats created "The Longest Story Ever Told", a 9 word story printed on the cover of the eighth issue of Opium Magazine, "The Infinity Issue." The story is printed in a double layer of black ink with an overlay screening the nine words, with each word printed in different ink and fractionally more vulnerable to ultraviolet light. When exposed to sunlight, words will appear at a rate of one per century over the next one thousand years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathon_Keats

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Perfect Ending!

 

-At Modernism Gallery in San Francisco, he applied string theory to real estate development, enlisting the legal framework of air rights to buy and sell properties in the extra dimensions of space theorized by physics. To encourage speculation, the artist created blueprints for a four-dimensional tesseract house that purchasers might use as a vacation home. One hundred and seventy-two lots on six Bay Area properties were bought on the first day of sales.

 

 

 

This is pretty impressive. I'll bet Poesia has pictures of this guy in his kitchen, like Irish families have pictures of JFK.

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-In June 2009, Keats created "The Longest Story Ever Told", a 9 word story printed on the cover of the eighth issue of Opium Magazine, "The Infinity Issue." The story is printed in a double layer of black ink with an overlay screening the nine words, with each word printed in different ink and fractionally more vulnerable to ultraviolet light. When exposed to sunlight, words will appear at a rate of one per century over the next one thousand years.

 

 

This is badass.

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I get the impression that he would probably be a real doucher

to hang out with. like real smug/smarmy/sarcastic

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Oh, dude is probably completely unbearable to even stand next to.

 

But he made a ballet for honeybees and a ringtone out of Cage's 4'33". Dude is killing it.

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The Silent Cellphone Ringtone is nominated for a Harvey* this year, in the category of Favorite Idea Ever.

 

 

 

*Other nominees in this category are mozzarella stick pizza, and parking as close as possible to the corner instead of half a car length back so no one else can fit.

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That ringtone idea is rad hahahaha.

 

I would like to know if dude has a difficult time just living day to day. A mind like this must be very hard to possess in such a mundane world.

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Oh, dude is probably completely unbearable to even stand next to.

 

But he made a ballet for honeybees and a ringtone out of Cage's 4'33". Dude is killing it.

 

Co-signed

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-At the RT Hansen Gallery in Berlin, Germany, he sold arts patrons the experience of spending money.

 

An art exhibit in which the exhibit is paying for said exhibit...

 

 

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