CityonSMASH... Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Moms grannie porn crack ftw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schnitzel Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 making a joke about domestic violence while my girlfriend kicked my shin under the table and the other girl went silent because her man was beating her (it was the first time I'd met her). I was pretty drunk so tried to spread the awkwardness by saying "why are you kicking my leg?" to her so she'd blush as well but it didn't work. so then make a stupid comment about being a retard and the girl's brother is completely afflicted with cerebal palsy yay for not learning the first time! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stud Kickass Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Haha. I was with a friend of mine and we went to see someone he used to o to school with. We were in the basement and his younger brother was upstairs playing nintendo and he just starts screaming and swearing. I was all damn your brother takes thaT shit serious. Dudes all he has turrets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tails0nE Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 aight i got a couple.. me and one of my girls were kicking it at my guys crib by ourselves.. we start gettin into it and ended up smashin.. started out fingering her a bit then on came the horizontal mambo ya dig.. anyway shes all cuddled up with me afterwards and we're just kickin it.. i notice the lil hint of moonlight shining through the window is directly on my hand and i notice something odd... so for a good minute straight im staring at my hand like a retard while she's blabing on about some shit.. then she finally asks what the hell im doing.. i tell her "uuuuh what the fuck is this shit on my knuckles..?" she looks at my hand then says ill be right back and leaves to the bathroom.. i get up and go to the kitchen, as soon as i turn on the light my three fingers are covered in blood up to my knuckles.. awkward, yes.. disgusting, yes.. i clean my hand and sit down on the couch and start watching tv.. she comes out and sits next to me and doesnt say a word about it... dunno if it was her cherry i popped since i was the second dude to hit or if it was that time of the month... either way that shit was fucking nasty... like i soaked my fingers in a batch of cherry kool-aid for a couple hours type steez yo... my second one is kind of funny.. i was smashing another one of my girls at the time... we finish and two of my girls who are friends with her were banging on the front door yellin to open up just fucking around and what not.. so i try and get dressed and i cannot find my boxers for shiiiiiit... so i throw on the first thing i could find which was some thing small basketball shorts.. i just finished smashing this broad lemmie mind you so im still kinda halfcocked... so i go to lead her to the door and she says wait right before i open the door.. gets on her knees and starts blowin me for a minute just as a tease i guess.. which wasnt cool at all.. so she dipped and left me hanging ya dig.. these two chicks are still at the door after she left like "oh why cant you let us in huh..? its cold blahblahblah" im tellin em im busy and they wont let me close the door.. all im focused on is finding my boxers.. one of them was like a lil sis to me at the time she used to call me her big bro and what not.. so it got to the point where i said "you know what... fuck it.. i gotta find my shit.." so i leave to look for my boxers and they come in... next thing you know they see my junk poking through the shorts as im walking around and are in awe like "ooohh my gaawwwd you know u have a big boner right now..?" while giggling like school girls and not taking their eyes off me.. awkward for them, probably... awkward for me, negative... turns out my boxers were behind the tv somehow.. and i ended up smashing both of them later on... the end... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonCheadle Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 I was at work a few years ago as a manager at a retail store, and we were building some display for the window. The girl I was working with, a merchandiser, kept saying things like "jam it in there!" and "give it a tight screw!" I knew she was kinda weird and conservative, and we hardly knew each other, so I refrained from making any lewd jokes or comments. anyways, after biting my tongue for about two hours of this, she approached me with a big trash container and said "okay, let's clean up. Just put your junk in my box" and I was like "that's what SHE said!" all triumphantly. She just gave me a blank stare and a couple of customers threw a disapproving glance my way. Needless to say...that shit was awkward. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 this 19 year old girl lives with me she's pretty much family. she is/was my little sister's bestfriend since they were like 12. she grew up and got hot, but still it's like having a hot cousin...that you remember being a little kid when you were already grown...so no smash Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 shortly after i got caught with grandma porn, my family was out at a restaurant eating, we had an old waitress and my mom asked me in front of everybody "is she your type???". WTF were you doing with grandma porn? :huh2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 making a joke about domestic violence while my girlfriend kicked my shin under the table and the other girl went silent because her man was beating her (it was the first time I'd met her). I was pretty drunk so tried to spread the awkwardness by saying "why are you kicking my leg?" to her so she'd blush as well but it didn't work. so then make a stupid comment about being a retard and the girl's brother is completely afflicted with cerebal palsy yay for not learning the first time! Sounds like some lame people you were hanging out with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonCheadle Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 That grandma porn story is fuckin hilarious, but the question remains....why did you have it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toiletseat Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 when i was drunk one time i shitted my pants due to unscheduled maintenance, i then proceeded by removing my boxershort full of shit, and wanted to throw it away. only the throwing gesture wasnt to smart, i got shit all over me.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Jefe Uno Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 when i was drunk one time i shitted my pants due to unscheduled maintenance, i then proceeded by removing my boxershort full of shit, and wanted to throw it away. only the throwing gesture wasnt to smart, i got shit all over me.. .... Gross Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delonemonkey Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 when i was drunk one time i shitted my pants due to unscheduled maintenance, i then proceeded by removing my boxershort full of shit, and wanted to throw it away. only the throwing gesture wasnt to smart, i got shit all over me.. dude what the fuck is up with you and talking about shit and other things involving shit? Seriously all i have seen you talk about is shit and shitting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the graff giraffe Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 That grandma porn story is fuckin hilarious, but the question remains....why did you have it? don't judge a man by the porn he's watched. i mean hey ive seen some fucked up shit, but its not hard to come across on the internet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the graff giraffe Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 i mistaked a new student for a girl i know at school i walk up "whats up gangsta" she looks up and says "hi" surpized me so bad i had to keep walking. they are now bffs that look alike. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CityonSMASH... Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 You look at that as awkward I look at that as an opportunity. Chat it up with her and make light of your mistake in a funny/friendly way. Then we she looks away pull yer cock out and continue the conversation as if nothing has changed looking directly into her eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CityonSMASH... Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Seriously tho. Jokes aside that's how you meet people. Not walk away embarressed like you just nutted on your own chin. And even that would be funny, I'd just rub my neck all over the chick. Be a man, have no shame. I have zero. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dowmagik Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 That grandma porn story is fuckin hilarious, but the question remains....why did you have it? I rented it and didn't return it on time, so they called the phone number i used when i opened my account, which was my sister's # since i didn't have a phone at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belmonts Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 ^HAHAHA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RELAPSER Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 http://www.ytmnd.com/keyword/Cuffs%20and%20Collars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 don't judge a man by the porn he's watched. i mean hey ive seen some fucked up shit, but its not hard to come across on the internet. Being as he "got caught with it", I'm assuming he's talking about regular porn. As in a magazine or video. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I rented it and didn't return it on time, so they called the phone number i used when i opened my account, which was my sister's # since i didn't have a phone at the time. So then why the fuck were you RENTING granny porn??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metronome Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 maybe the man was curious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SQUIRREL Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 alright.. ill support this thread. so.. sittin at my home when i get a call from an on and off girl that comes up in my area and visits once in a while. she's babysitting her sisters two daughters.. 4 and 5 year olds i think. she says come watch a movie. alright.. so i head over. shes rockin pj's.. made me a drink. watched sooper troopers or some shit. the kids are in bed. we make out.. i get a little head.. commence slammin in the living room. bout 15 minutes in to it.. hear a little girl crying at the bottom of the stairs. i immediately feel like a big piece of shit.. girl cries "j___e.. i want some chocolate milk." she puts my shirt on.. goes to the fridge gets the shit.. brings the girl back to bed.. comes back down says that the daughter sleepwalks all the time.. and its no big deal. debonered. i seriously think im responsible for mentally destroying that little girl. went in the laundry room and handled it. awkward moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 i seriously think im responsible for mentally destroying that little girl. Despite popular belief, walking in on people fucking does not "mentally destroy" little kids. It just gives them a story to laugh about with their friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SQUIRREL Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 its a funny story now.. but that night.. i dont know man.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the graff giraffe Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 45minute handjob with no happy ending. awkward for me or for her? youre supposed to tell her to use her mouth after like 10 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 ^10 Seconds that is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toiletseat Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 youre supposed to tell her to use her mouth after like 10 you need foreplay for a hard-on? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Vergudo Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 NOT AWKWARD FOR ME, FOR ANOTHER GUY, BUT AT WORK A SALESMAN HAS A NASTY HERPE LOOKING THING BY HIS BOTTOM LIP, AND IM USUALLY LOUD AND UP-FRONT AT WORK, SO I ASK HIM, "WHAT THE FUCK IS BY YOUR LIP? IS THAT A HERPE? U HELLA NASTY, U ATE A DIRTY GIRL OUT" AND HE JUST GAVE ME THAT LOOK THAT SOMEONE GIVES YOU WHEN YOU FIND OUT SOMETHING ABOUT THEM THEY DIDNT WANT ANYONE TO KNOW. HE JUST STARES AT ME, NO FACIAL EXPRESSION, DOESN'T SAY A WORD. AND I DIDNT KNOW THERE WAS A COUPLE CUSTOMERS IN SOME CARS AND THEY HEARD ME. OH WELL, I JUST WALKED AWAY. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 an awkward situation for the guy that designed the sex toy for dogs (the pets thread) - every potential buyer/situation where hed have to state what he does for a living, ever Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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