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THE 12 OZ CELEBRITY DEATHWATCH EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!

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Due to the events of the Summer of Death,I have taken it upon myself to start the 12 Oz Celebrity Extravaganza!!!!! EVERYONE MUST GO!!!!! TO HELL!!!!! Here are my top random celebs I would not be suprised if i were reading their obits before the end of this year. 1st one to get a confirmed death on their list gets a FABULOUS PRIZE!!!! (not really). Here are my top five (in no particular order):

 

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1. Patrick Swayze // Current Age:56 // Occupation: Actor of famed Roadhouse badassed-ness,Chain Smoker // How he will die: Complications from Cancer

 

The man that made you want to dance in Dirty Dancing,made you want to weep in Ghost,and made you want to cut your hair in Point Break,is one of the top candidates on my list. Due to Pancreatic Cancer and sever nicotine addiction,the over under on Patrick Swayze doesnt look too good. It's a shame that the man that delivered so strongly in Too Wong Foo will soon be gone.

 

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2. Amy Winehouse // Current Age:25 // Occupation: Blues/Pop Singer,drunken,drug addled self-injurer // How She Will Die: Starvation

 

I have never seen someone go from "smash" to "trash" as fast as this once thick vocalist. She has all of the right factors for an early demise,seeing as the combination of alcoholism,drug addiction,self injury,and anorexia dont too often prolong your life,I'm actually left wondering how she is still breathing. I think literally she will die of starvation,because she already looks like a broomstick and a trashbag.

 

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3. Artie Lange // Current Age:41 // Occupation: Former Howard Stern sidekick,unrepentant drug addict // How He Will Die: Heart Attack

 

As we have seen with Chris Farley and John Belushi,when you throw obesity,stimulants,heroin,and the ability to make people laugh in a blender and hit "PUREE",you are usually left with a bloated corpse in a hotel room. I see this as being the case with Mr. Lange,although i think he will be found in a Motel 6 rather than a high end suite.

 

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4. Al Davis // Current Age:79 // Occupation: Count of Oakland,ruining an NFL franchise // How He Will Die: "Natural Causes"

 

I dont live in Oakland,or even on the West Coast,but I've heard sentiment coming from people in that city that cannot wait for this crazy vampire to die so they can once again return to their glory. I personally would love to have him live forever so I could continually see him act insane in press conferences and eventually hire a Pop-Warner coach or a 12 yr old Madden prodigy to lead the Raiders,but unfortunately,I think we may only have one more season of his insane antics.

 

I've laid the groundwork,and I have many more on my list,but these are up near the top. Again,I dont WANT to see anyone die (well,maybe Winehouse),but these are my Prime Time Candidates for the next celebrity death. Let's see what you folks have.

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I dont think Winehouse will pull a Joplin. She's destined to have something really fucked up happen to her, like losing a limb, and then get all freaky super sober.

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You can't kill the devil!!!

 

 

 

Thank Al for making the Raiders a shitty team. I love to give all my Raider fan buddies shit...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chokeland Faiders

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

aldavis.jpg

 

4. Al Davis // Current Age:79 // Occupation: Count of Oakland,ruining an NFL franchise // How He Will Die: "Natural Causes"

 

I dont live in Oakland,or even on the West Coast,but I've heard sentiment coming from people in that city that cannot wait for this crazy vampire to die so they can once again return to their glory. I personally would love to have him live forever so I could continually see him act insane in press conferences and eventually hire a Pop-Warner coach or a 12 yr old Madden prodigy to lead the Raiders,but unfortunately,I think we may only have one more season of his insane antics.

 

I've laid the groundwork,and I have many more on my list,but these are up near the top. Again,I dont WANT to see anyone die (well,maybe Winehouse),but these are my Prime Time Candidates for the next celebrity death. Let's see what you folks have.

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prince.jpg

 

Name: Prince // Current Age:Unknown // Occupation: Singer and Fag extraordinaire

 

The man that you probably already thought was dead, or locked in Boy Georges basement will die shortly. With no career highlights except occasionally getting on the mic in TinyChat Prince will kark it this year. Cause of death - Bukkake failure.

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On another website they do the Celebrity Death Pool at the beginning of the year.

You can't add people who are terminally ill. My list this year is >

Dick Clark

Chevy Chase

the Queen

Samuel Jackson

Tim Conway

Robert Deniro

Don Cherry

Michael Jackson

OJ Simpson

David Letterman

 

Kind of grimfreaky when your predictions come true.

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Due to the events of the Summer of Death,I have taken it upon

 

swayze.jpg

 

 

I pray for this Man. I hope he's not next.

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what.jpg

 

DMX // Current Age:38 // Occupation:Rapper,Professional Rock-Smoker // How He Will Die: Heart Attack

 

After as many years of smoking rocks as this man has had,his heart (which by now is probably swollen to the size of a softball) is ready at any day to have a "take this job and shove it" moment by throwing a massive temper tantrum and quitting.Mr.Simmons' only hope is the fact that most crackheads (like the ones in my city) tend to live forever so they can continue to annoy you by recommending that you let them fix your car (when the only tools they have are one Phillip's head screwdriver,an icepick,and a roll of electric tape). He's looking thin these days though,and due to the fact that he seems to be easily excitable,he could easily piss his heart off to the point of resignation any day now. WHAT!

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"first time you see a nigga, is the last time you gonna see a nigga!"

 

I can't see DMX living much longer

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