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unsmooth moments and unruly cops

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Unsmooth moments?

Keystone Light unsmooth moments

1 wore blaze orange (to a turkey hunt)

2 bought lingerie for your girlfriend (sent it to your mom)

3 complimented her costume ( it wasn't Halloween )

4 asked her when she's due ( she's not)

5 wrote her a love poem (she knows the song)

6 she called you at home ( your mother answered )

7 she complimented your sweater ( you were shirtless )

8 hooked a 200-pounder ( it was your buddy )

9 knocked it out of the park ( into a windshield )

10 it happened in Vegas ( it didn’t stay there )

11 bought her a cat ( she's allergic )

12 got out of a ticket ( by crying )

13 hit a homer ( through your neighbors window )

14 Hit on a bridesmaid ( she was your cousin )

15 nothing but net ( you were fishing )

16 ran one back ( the wrong way )

17 recorded the game ( over the wedding video )

18 remembered her birthday ( three days late )

19 replaced the oil ( but not the plug )

20 saw your boss at the game ( you called in sick )

21 scored the winning goal ( for the other team )

22 she said you weren't exchanging gifts ( you believed her )

23 told stacy you loved her ( her name was Sandy )

24 went hunting ( bagged a decoy )

Keystone Light unsmooth moments

25 tatooed "Mindy" on your are ( her name is Mandy )

26 the dogs picked up a scent ( it was yours )

27 your holding three kings ( your playing blackjack )

28 clean-up in aisle 12 ( it was you )

29 caught a wave ( lost your swimsuit )

30 gave the best man speech ( you weren't the best man )

31 got car washed ( left window down )

32 called your boss a name ( he was right behind you )

33 got a cool new ring tone ( it went off during church )

34 Answered a singles ad (It was your wifes)

35 Remembered to call (Forgot her name)

36 Bought a new pair of jeans (at the grocery store)

37 Met a girl online (He's thirty seven)

38 Hooked a large mouth (She keeps talking)

39 Pulled a groin (watching TV)

40 She asked for an honest opinion (you gave it)

41 Got to the interview early (A day late)

42 Gave your buddy a birthday present (Same one he gave you)

43 Sent out your resume (Copied your boss)

44 Forwared an off-colored e-mail (To the entire company)

45 Finally met her parents (your fly was down)

46 Washed the whites (Didn't see the red sock)

47 Asked for directions (you asked for directions )

48 sent her flowers (she's allergic )

Hooked a large mouth (She keeps talking)

Pulled a groin (watching TV)

She asked for an honest opinion (you gave it)

Got to the interview early (A day late)

Answered a singles ad (It was your wifes)

Remembered to call (Forgot her name)

Bought a new pair of jeans (at the grocery store)

Met a girl online (He's thirty seven)

Washed the whites (Didn't see the red sock)

Gave your buddy a birthday present (Same one he gave you)

Sent out your resume (Copied your boss)

Forwared an off-colored e-mail (To the entire company)

Finally met her parents (your fly was down)

Keystone Light unsmooth moments

49 finally made her laugh ( your fly was down )

50 got to work early ( on a holiday )

51 got a deal on floor seats to game 7 ( it’s a 5 game series )

52 picked up a girl ( on your scooter )

53

54 called in sick to catch a game ( made the sports highlights )

55 talked to her for an hour ( at $2.99 a minute )

56 shot a 72 ( on the front 9 )

57 put up the lights ( brought down the gutter )

58 picked up a hottie ( got a hernia )

59 gave her a ring ( around the bathtub )

60 called her mandy ( dialed mindy )

61 bought a winning ticket ( washed it with your pants )

62 took her out for a spin ( she threw up )

63 shaved your head ( and your eyebrows )

64 got there on time ( wasn't invited )

65 held open the door ( into oncoming traffic )

66 got the high score ( on the cholesterol test )

67 checked her out ( ran into a lamp post )

68 picked up the tab ( by washing the dishes )

69 bought her a birthday gift ( at the auto parts store )

70 brought home dinner ( stuck in your teeth )

71 told her you loved her (after you burped )

72 busted a move ( pulled your groin )

Took everyone to dinner (left your wallet at home)

Keystone Light unsmooth moments

73 put on a spare tire ( under your shirt )

74 blew in her ear ( while blowing your nose )

75 got down on the dance floor ( couldn't get up )

76 picked up the bill ( put it back down )

77 fell asleep in her arms ( she was still talking )

78 nailed the punch line ( during the eulogy )

79 got your girlfriend lingerie ( for your birthday )

80 grilled her a steak ( she's a vegetarian )

81 hooked something big ( pulled in a tire )

82 won concert tickets ( next to the speaker )

83 got a black belt ( for your new black pants )

84 hooked up with a girl ( at your family reunion )

85 wore camo ( to your sister's wedding )

86 you were the best man ( forgot the rings )

87 put on cologne ( instead of taking a shower )

88 applied for a new job online ( it was your current one )

89 remembered her birthday ( forgot her name )

90 got her number ( forgot her name )

91 brought her flowers ( she's allergic )

92

93 THE RESULTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE (ON YOUR DRIVING EXAM)

Always smooth ( even when your not )

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I just coughed up about a gallon of phlegm and swallowed it again. It was disgusting. That's all.

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