Guest 50million Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 http://mylifeisaverage.com/ Today, a guy came over to buy my Xbox that I was selling on craigslist. I did not get molested. MLIA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drue_Down Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 (202): Do ugly people know they are ugly? (1-202): The quiet ones do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silent_bob Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackboatshoes Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Just read this one, and it kinda sums up my life.. : (314): Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem. ^^ co-sign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElectricitySucks Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 i read 4 pages of this website the other day. has anyone submitted something and it worked? (is that even how it works, didnt bother to look) i ask because one of my friends had the "margarita at mcdonalds, 911 call" and thought it was actually from someone i knew. if that's the case, awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Sprat* Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 (709): She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it. (612): How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk (925): i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ihate12ozprophet.com Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. classic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SerialSkiller Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 somebody explain this to me, seein as the site doesnt. how do they get these text messages? is it people submitting there own? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acer910 Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 (413): that girl last night was a 15 (1-413): wait she was 15? (413): no like black jack not sure if you should hit it haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GET LOOSE Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 (817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car? (1-817): You weighed it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GET LOOSE Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 (408): hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner (1-408): if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Sprat* Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 (310): my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis. (330): I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going? (646): How is your vagina??? (941): Double booked (646): With your butt? (941): Totes, candlesticks and all (646): Yay!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milk Grenades Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 (208): Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable (304): My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Sprat* Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 (516): what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina (210): It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently (407): Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer. (323): If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spring Break '92 Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 (314): First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom. (850): TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas. (704): I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallafarce Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 (415): How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome (248): just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy (303): If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom? (734): I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy. (1-734): Shittttttt. (734): Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Im Donnie Darko Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 (832): New invention idea: vibrating tampons (808): The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet. (203): listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Ilovehaters Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 (702): Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar? (1-702): You told us you forgot how, and started to cry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hvak19 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 BAHAHAHAHA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hvak19 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 (816): dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwampFightOner Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 (702): Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar? (1-702): You told us you forgot how, and started to cry. :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weapon X Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I got this text last night: “Is there a reason why you never answer my calls or texts? Like if you don't wanna hang out whatever but why the mixed messages? I really don't understand.” I get a lot of these. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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