Spitfire15 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Hes probably some 30 something year old man who dresses like he did when he was 17 and writes something gay, like ******** And LOLOLO @ your dead baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crime stoppers Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Also, I was pissed at my ex for aborting our kid back in the day. Ahahahah thats hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schnitzel Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 And LOLOLO @ your dead baby. charming! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autoteller Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 i'm seriously glad that everyone's collectively giving good advice for once. awesome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Spiff Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 LMAO @ this herb making up a new name just to throw my name in his mouth. :lol: Suffer from delusions of grandeur much? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 I suppose it was foolish of me to post about this issue on this forum. I kind of figured that some folks on here had been involved in difficult situations similar to mine or as children whose parents had nasty divorces etc. After all there is not enough room on this board for DAO and spitfire to duke it out as it is. One website I found that is kind of fun to search is avvo.com, you can see all kinds of questions and answers to and from lawyers, put in your legal question and see what you can find. they got everything from murder to renters issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SukiSukiNow Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 damn, good luck with this. you should document everything and be precise about it and gather info that can be damaging to her. also, gather witnesses and people who can testify against her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MitchThe$nitch Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 VERY precise.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 Well I got the childs teacher and the court appointed custody evaluator on my side and she has her parents and friends so that should work out okay. The main problem so far is that the court has had a real hard time believing that a mother could do harm, it has been quite appalling really. Short of track marks or bruises it is hard to prove toward a mother where toward a father the suggestion of problems alone is enough to cast doubt and judgment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 I think that the VERY precise part means more in technical parts of law like crime and corporate, although I have made every attempt to be concise. The court does not have a very long attention span to get too involved in looking at details from what I can tell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autoteller Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 when my parents got divorced, nobody asked me and my brother shit, which is unfortunate because most courts don't care about where the kids feel most comfortable. i think it'd be a serious asset to you if you got the kids to voice their opinion. sometimes if the kids feel overwhelmingly against staying with a certain parent, it'll be a huge asset to you. in the same respect, kids are terrible actors, so its hard to get em` to fake it, so if thats an idea (not saying it is, not saying it isn't), it could blow up in your face. i'd just show em` that you have more time to devote to the kids, and that you visibly care about them more. i really wish you the best of luck, though dude. for realz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 Thanks. The child in question is too young for their voice to be heard in this matter, instead it is up to the court to determine the best interest of the child. I anticipate that in the future as the child gets older and is more able to distinguish the bullshit from their mother things will change, it is also quite likely that over time the mother will bow out all together as in the past she has expressed interest in doing so. In large part her battle to take full custody is to her more about reputation than anything else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Spiff Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 My parents divorced when I was two, and my mom got custody until I was about 10. She has many, many mental problems, and was arrested in front of me multiple times when I lived with her, but no one ever forced her to give up custody. You'll need some video, or pictures of her actually physically abusing your kid, or hope that her anger issues will come out in court to get full legal custody. Otherwise, as long as she plays sweet mom in court, you don't really have much of a chance. Since you only have every other weekend and wednesday, it doesn't really sound like you have much of a part in your child's life, so it'll be hard to convince that you know what's best for the child. You didn't say how young your kid was, but let your kid know that he/she should tell you if the mom gets angry a lot, or hits him/her. Obviously your kid will be more scared of the mom since she has more custody, but try to get as much info as you can towards what goes on in the time your kid and the mom are together. All in all, I'd try to work slowly instead of going for full legal custody right away when you only have about 8 days a month with the kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autoteller Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 i mean, if she does have that eventual blowout, i'm sure you can bring the matter up before a judge again and get it set straight. unfortunately sometimes you gotta take your lumps before you get your golden chance. make sure you can at least set some sort of rule that she HAS to stay closeby so she can't run off to the other side of the country AND THEN have that blowout. also, maybe one of those background check subscriptions would work in your favor, then you can check her record every now and then and see if there's been any further....transgressions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 Prior to the enactment of a temporary parenting plan a year ago I had my child the vast majority of the time through a verbal agreement. There was a outbreak of violence on the part of the mother that required me to get a domestic violence protection order barring her from coming around me or the child. In the course of resolving that issue the court ignored the past situation of me being the primary parent and put the majority of time with her. I think that the judge assumed that I was bullshitting about the violence on her part and was probably the abuser myself. Since then the matter has been examined by experts appointed by the court and they have recommended that I be the primary parent. This is not a case a weekend dad trying to take full custody out of spite or something although it has often been viewed that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autoteller Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 as long as you keep things up on your part, i think it should work out more than OK for you. it seems as though that you've been consistent and she's been a little shaky at best as far as her reputation goes. your mind is obviously 100 percent on your kids, rather than smearing your ex's reputation, which is a great sign, and i think it'll reflect well on yourself further down the line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 One of the issues at hand here is that the mother has borderline personality disorder. One of the traits of people with this disorder is that they present very differently to people depending on what their relationship is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 I am not too worried about the outcome, I am sure it will be livable and am hoping that it will provide some resolution for all parties so that we can all move forward. What I am a little worried about is going toe to toe in court with a experienced trial attorney and even that does not phase me too much because ever since I fired my attorney I have been beating opposing counsel in court every time. What I am most concerned about is being out gunned on the paper work trip and having something happen like I get custodial and still have to pay child support to the other party or some shit like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Spiff Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I wasn't calling you a weekend dad, but the courts will see it that way. Is it the same judge for every hearing or trial? How old is the kid? Too young to talk? If they won't let the kid speak at the trial, then get someone who is considered an expert to talk to the kid, and let them speak on the kid's behalf. Let the kid know as soon as possible that the mom has problems and make sure he understand what the problem areas are so you can find out what you need to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrishCarBombs Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 yo son you gotta run up in that court like C-Murder and just bust shots. http://allhiphop.com/stories/multimedia__video/archive/2009/05/28/21617972.aspx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shai Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Does she have any dirt on you she can bring up when this goes to trial? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 The kid is old enough to talk but is a child, the courts correctly understand that a child is not the one to decide where they live until they reach a certain level of maturity. If that were not the case then custody battles would simply be a matter of manipulating children and there is enough of that going on as it is. The child has an advocate with the custody evaluator whose role is similar to that of a guardian ad litem. I considered the strategy of using a expert therapist who specializes in court cases but at the time was more concerned about the effect of abuse of conflict on the part of the mother was having on my kid and brought him to a therapist who I thought would best fit his needs and help me help him. This therapist said right off the bat that they in general have no interest in testifying in court and I can respect that. There is this whole creepy side of therapy for children called forensic therapy where they fabricate memories of abuse often sexual abuse and then use it against fathers in court. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 As far as dirt on me, no not really. In the past I used a number of drugs and what not but that was a long time ago. When she has brought it up it has pretty much been a non issue. She holds on to some sort of delusion that one day we will be together again and that seems to block her from trying to pull out the big guns like calling me a drunk and the like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Spiff Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I'm braindead right now, but I didn't mean to use the child to say he wants to live with you. I meant use him so people know what's going on in the kid's life with the mom. My mom is a paranoid schizophrenic and I thought all the shit she did was normal because I never knew she was mentally ill until I was a teenager simply because no one told me she was abnormal. If your kid knows what to look for, it'll help you act a lot faster to prevent harm to the kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 Well that right there has been one of my primary concerns, some of the tools the mentally ill use work phenomenally well. Think of faking suicide for example, not much else will get you the kind of attention and often affection of something like that. The normalization of abuse and fucked up behavior in general is something that I have had to consider in this case and weather or not to just go for the kill and suggest supervised visits with the mother only etc. in the end I hope that the mother will get help and that my kid will be able to grow up knowing the difference in ways of life and not follow in his mothers footsteps with the bpd thing. One thing that is good is that the mother is not very isolating with the child yet and has a big support network that she does not hesitate to call on. He spends on night a week with his grandparents for example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SerialSkiller Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 only read the first page...good luck man, i would hate to have to go through this with my ex and child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VEE.THE.VIPER Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 I would suggest fighting as hard as you can, and fight dirty. You may not want to fuck with your kids mom like that, but if it is in the best interest of the kid, do it. If you want partial custody, fight for full custody. I told my kids mom I would pick her up before court, and didn't. I also told her I'd remind her of the court date, another lie. I made sure court was far away from her home, even though she could have insisted the court was in her home county (which I lied about also.) Even when I was granted full custody, it wasn't over. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but when it comes to your children, you do whatever it takes. Maintain your cool in court, and pray mom doesn't. Good luck, you're in for a rough one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Suffer from delusions of grandeur much? Create new screen names to talk shit anonymously much? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zeroer Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 I would suggest fighting as hard as you can, and fight dirty. You may not want to fuck with your kids mom like that, but if it is in the best interest of the kid, do it. If you want partial custody, fight for full custody. I told my kids mom I would pick her up before court, and didn't. I also told her I'd remind her of the court date, another lie. I made sure court was far away from her home, even though she could have insisted the court was in her home county (which I lied about also.) Even when I was granted full custody, it wasn't over. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but when it comes to your children, you do whatever it takes. Maintain your cool in court, and pray mom doesn't. Good luck, you're in for a rough one. that right there subtle but effective....... get some kind of lawyer perhaps a family interest pro bono don't be afraid to look for them sometimes they know ther shit if not fuck em don't represent yourself someting about a fool for a client you gotta document EVERYTHING, demand a drug test of the mother as well as violent psychological past if possible, if your good to go that is you got a good job obviously, been there awhile?? whats her work history? you provide the insurance?? does she? is it welfare?? character witnesses?? has your child suffered any physical harm in care of mother? you gotta stay clean, show your kid nothing but love and do memorable shit with em, make sure your house, your moneys, car, and lifestyle(publicly) is on point! i feel your pain, im there too keep your eyes & ears peeled, and your chin up good luck or just kill her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morton Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 VEE, did your case go all the way to trial? In my county only 5% of cases go all the way to trial most are settled before then. When the other party has a attorney it is unlikely that they will not show to court. I do not plan on using an attorney. I have dropped around 10k on lawyers already and have not been impressed with what they have been able to do. The simple fact of the matter is that I know my case better than anyone. I am not well written but I am well spoken and can keep my cool in a court room. As fucked up as my situation is to qualify for pro bono things need to be really far gone. For example there have been threats of murder in my case, to get pro bono rep there pretty much needs to have been a attempt, and not only that but one that was documented and backed up with police reports etc... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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