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HAPPY BIRFDY TO ME


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i remember my twentyfirst like it was yesterday.

even though it was three and a half years ago.

by the third spot we hit, some song came on and, inebriated white bitch that i was,

i bolted up to bust a move and knocked over the fresh pint glass of gin and tonic my girl had just procured to me all over her face.

the next thing i knew i was slung over my boy's shoulder barfing in an alley.

i punched him in his head and he dropped me on mine.

i then flung puke on the same chick who bought me the drink that did me in and somehow ended up in someone's car.

i woke up in my bed the next morning alone with a killer headache and a note on my bedside table explaining the previous night's events with a glass of water and four ibuprofen that whoever gave me a ride home had prepared for my impending epic hangover.

i am lucky that i have such good friends, and that i have miraculously avoided getting date raped thus far.

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Tomorrow night I'm not even going to a bar, because due to my endless string of connections I already do that every single night

 

We're havina party at my boy's crib, and I'm sure I'll have a good time like I always do. I love my friends, and they tend to provide a good time when need be, no homo

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i remember my twentyfirst like it was yesterday.

even though it was three and a half years ago.

by the third spot we hit, some song came on and, inebriated white bitch that i was,

i bolted up to bust a move and knocked over the fresh pint glass of gin and tonic my girl had just procured to me all over her face.

the next thing i knew i was slung over my boy's shoulder barfing in an alley.

i punched him in his head and he dropped me on mine.

i then flung puke on the same chick who bought me the drink that did me in and somehow ended up in someone's car.

i woke up in my bed the next morning alone with a killer headache and a note on my bedside table explaining the previous night's events with a glass of water and four ibuprofen that whoever gave me a ride home had prepared for my impending epic hangover.

i am lucky that i have such good friends, and that i have miraculously avoided getting date raped thus far.

 

 

a good friend would of raped you..

 

cause thats how girls learn, you know.

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a good friend would of raped you..

 

cause thats how girls learn, you know.

 

 

 

 

1. go get laid. seriously. for all your frontin, it couldn't be more obvious that you've never touched a vagina in your entire life.

 

2. go get your ged. i know you might not think it's important now, but in the long run, knowing how to write legible sentences will get you far in life.

 

3. turn 18.

 

4. move out of your mother's house.

 

5. shut the fuck up and go paint something.

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