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Poop Man Bob

Stuff White People Like

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I can't imagine that a thread about this website hasn't been created, but I searched and came up with nothing. So:

 

Stuff White People Like

 

A few examples:

 

Mos Def

In the olden days of white culture, people used to look up to Kings and Princes. These were the people that they adored, and every night they wished and hoped that somehow they could wake up and be just like them. But with Royal Families crumbling, that role has been filled by one man: Mos Def.

 

He is everything that white people dream about: authentic (”he’s from Brooklyn!”), funny (”he was on Chapelle show!”), artistic (have you heard “Black on Both Sides?”), an actor (”he’s in the new Gondry film!”) and not white (”I don’t see race”).

 

He has done an amazing job of being in big budget movies (The Italian Job) and having one of his songs become a white person wedding staple (Ms. Fat Booty) but still retaining authenticity and credibility.

 

If you find yourself in a social situation where you are asked to list your favorite actor or artist, you should always say Mos Def. This way you can name someone that everyone has heard of and you don’t look like you are trying to one up anybody. The only possible negative consequence is some white people might think “I wish I had said that first.”

...

Apologies

White people know that their ancestors did some messed up things. As a result, it has become hard wired for them to apologize for almost anything.

 

In fact, white people are so used to apologizing that they start all sentences that might cause disagreement with “I’m sorry.” For example “I’m sorry, but Garden State was a better film than Hard Eight.”

 

In other cases, white people will apologize without being asked.

 

“Excuse me Dylan, you dropped a piece of paper in front of my desk.”

 

“Oh, sorry about that!”

 

It’s just that easy! Just point it out and they’ll apologize.

 

 

4_How-To-Apologize.jpg

 

Sometimes if you are out late at night and a white person irritates someone at a night club or a bar, the first thing they will do is apologize in rapid fire mode in hopes it will stop them from getting their ass kicked. This technique has a surprisingly high success rate, as the aggressor immediately knows that fighting this person will be very easy, with little satisfaction.

...

Vintage

The love affair between white people and old stuff literally goes back for hundreds of years. In the older days, it was almost exclusively contained within the realm of furniture. While white people still love antiques, they don’t always fit so well with a modern lifestyle and kitchen.

 

Beginning in their late teens, white people begin an obsession with finding cool vintage clothing at local thrift shops and Goodwills. Making purchases at these locations address a number of white person needs.

 

First, it allows them to say “oh, this? I got this shirt at Goodwill for $3.” This statement focuses the attention on the shirt, taking attention away from the $350 jeans and $200 shoes. The white person can then retain that precious ‘indie’ cred.

 

Secondly, it allows a white person to have something that other white people don’t. This is an important consideration when trying to determine the worth and ranking of white people.

 

As white people get older, and the opportunities to wear a “Pittsburgh Special Olympics ‘76″ T-shirt diminish, they must move their vintage fetish from clothes to furniture and knick knacks. For a post-30 white person, the mention of a ‘vintage stove’ or ‘vintage card catalog” can send their imaginations racing about how to incorporate it into their current home decor.

 

7-11-jamesrodericktour3.jpg

 

By having at least one vintage, unique piece of furniture in a room full of Ikea, white people can still tell themselves that they are unique and cooler than their friends.

 

When you enter a white person’s home, you should immediately search for anything not made by Ikea, Crate and Barrel or Athropologie. Upon finding such an item, you should ask “where did you get that? It’s really cool.” The white person will then tell you a story about how they acquired it, allowing them to feel cool and giving them a reminder about their fantastic taste.

...

Arts DegreesWhen white people go away to college, they tend to study what are knowns as the Arts. This includes actual Art, English, History, Classics, and Philosophy. These can of course be broken down further into Film, Womyn’s Studies (yes the spelling is correct), Communications, Gender Studies, and so forth. It is important to note that a high percentage of white people also get degrees in Political Science, which is pretty much like arts, and only seems to have the word “science” in it to make white people feel better about themselves.

 

 

mcgill-arts.jpg

 

These degrees enable white people to spend four yeas of their lives reading books, writing papers and feeling great about themselves. It is a known fact that Arts students firmly believe that they are doing you/society a favor by not getting a job and reading Proust. They use this to protest for reduced tuition, more money for the arts, and special reduced student rates on things like bus passes.

 

But what about the white people who study Science, Engineering or Business? Unless they become doctors, they essentially lose white person status (and can only be regained by working at a non-profit).

 

So why would white people spend all that time studying and working to get into college if they are just going to read books that they might have read in their free time? Because white people have it made. They can take that degree and easily parlay it into a non profit job, an art gallery job, or work in publishing. If the pay is low, no problem, their parents will happily help out with rent until they magically start making six figures or non-magically turn 40.

 

White people can also take that degree and go to graduate school (future post) and eventually become a professor or adjunct professor where they will still require parental support.

 

If they are REALLY ambitious and need to make money, they can take that degree and go to Law School.

 

But the real reason white people need these degrees is so that they can sound smart at parties. Of course it trickles down to making connections, getting hired, knowing rich people, and so forth. But ultimately it all begins by saying “reading Henry James was the most rewarding part of undergrad.”

 

Using this to your advantage can be very difficult as attempts to talk about the books they skimmed while hungover can expose you. It is best to say that you were a first generation college student and your parents demanded that you study math, chemistry, economics or computer science. You had to read Joyce on your own.

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I've been on a hunt for a victorian style console table to match this victorian style mirror I have for like 5 months not gonna lie...and I <3 mos def damn it

 

 

this shits got me pegged...

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white people who own construction companys love to hire illegals for the cheap labor...they love that for sure. but they dont love all these illegals in the country. hahaha.

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White people also really like Dave Chappelle. Mainly because we can now say "nigger" constantly, and if anyone gives us any shit, we can say we were just quoting a sketch from Chappelle's Show.

 

 

 

Incidentally, I just heard that Dave Chappelle was originally supposed to play Mos Def's role in Be Kind, Rewind. That would have been awesome.

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*mos def is about as authentic as fubu. dude is a joke. a self parody.

*since when is apologizing for your mistakes an insult to your character?

*i like some old stuff cause it was made in a time when quality and design mattered as much as form and function. black people buy a couch from goodwill then put plastic on it. that's far more comical than owning antiques.

*youre right, we should stop going to school and instead hang out on the corner and play basketball like blacks, pretending that being able to read is an insult to our manhood. good one.

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White people also really like Dave Chappelle. Mainly because they can now say "nigger" constantly, and if anyone gives them any shit, they can say they were just quoting a sketch from Chappelle's Show.

 

 

 

Incidentally, I just heard that Dave Chappelle was originally supposed to play Mos Def's role in Be Kind, Rewind. That would have been awesome.

 

 

yeah thats true. crazy how detailed it can get on why peoples comfort zones change because of they see and hear on tv and shit.

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Dude did you not see soulja bois new video?

 

F's on MAH REPORT CARD YO THROW SOME D'S AWN IT!!! Stupidity is rewarded...

 

I can't wait to have kids so I can beat the living shit out of them when they bring this shit into my house. I will literally beat them until a kidney fails or a lung collapses...

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white people love saying DUDE

dumb white bitches like saying LIKE

like omg i like went to the mall yesterday and like i saw this new outfit

and like it was like a lot of money but like i still bought it

because like i just had to have it you know

like it was really awesome

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