Poop Man Bob Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I can't imagine that a thread about this website hasn't been created, but I searched and came up with nothing. So: Stuff White People Like A few examples: Mos Def In the olden days of white culture, people used to look up to Kings and Princes. These were the people that they adored, and every night they wished and hoped that somehow they could wake up and be just like them. But with Royal Families crumbling, that role has been filled by one man: Mos Def. He is everything that white people dream about: authentic (”he’s from Brooklyn!”), funny (”he was on Chapelle show!”), artistic (have you heard “Black on Both Sides?”), an actor (”he’s in the new Gondry film!”) and not white (”I don’t see race”). He has done an amazing job of being in big budget movies (The Italian Job) and having one of his songs become a white person wedding staple (Ms. Fat Booty) but still retaining authenticity and credibility. If you find yourself in a social situation where you are asked to list your favorite actor or artist, you should always say Mos Def. This way you can name someone that everyone has heard of and you don’t look like you are trying to one up anybody. The only possible negative consequence is some white people might think “I wish I had said that first.” ... Apologies White people know that their ancestors did some messed up things. As a result, it has become hard wired for them to apologize for almost anything. In fact, white people are so used to apologizing that they start all sentences that might cause disagreement with “I’m sorry.” For example “I’m sorry, but Garden State was a better film than Hard Eight.” In other cases, white people will apologize without being asked. “Excuse me Dylan, you dropped a piece of paper in front of my desk.” “Oh, sorry about that!” It’s just that easy! Just point it out and they’ll apologize. Sometimes if you are out late at night and a white person irritates someone at a night club or a bar, the first thing they will do is apologize in rapid fire mode in hopes it will stop them from getting their ass kicked. This technique has a surprisingly high success rate, as the aggressor immediately knows that fighting this person will be very easy, with little satisfaction. ... Vintage The love affair between white people and old stuff literally goes back for hundreds of years. In the older days, it was almost exclusively contained within the realm of furniture. While white people still love antiques, they don’t always fit so well with a modern lifestyle and kitchen. Beginning in their late teens, white people begin an obsession with finding cool vintage clothing at local thrift shops and Goodwills. Making purchases at these locations address a number of white person needs. First, it allows them to say “oh, this? I got this shirt at Goodwill for $3.” This statement focuses the attention on the shirt, taking attention away from the $350 jeans and $200 shoes. The white person can then retain that precious ‘indie’ cred. Secondly, it allows a white person to have something that other white people don’t. This is an important consideration when trying to determine the worth and ranking of white people. As white people get older, and the opportunities to wear a “Pittsburgh Special Olympics ‘76″ T-shirt diminish, they must move their vintage fetish from clothes to furniture and knick knacks. For a post-30 white person, the mention of a ‘vintage stove’ or ‘vintage card catalog” can send their imaginations racing about how to incorporate it into their current home decor. By having at least one vintage, unique piece of furniture in a room full of Ikea, white people can still tell themselves that they are unique and cooler than their friends. When you enter a white person’s home, you should immediately search for anything not made by Ikea, Crate and Barrel or Athropologie. Upon finding such an item, you should ask “where did you get that? It’s really cool.” The white person will then tell you a story about how they acquired it, allowing them to feel cool and giving them a reminder about their fantastic taste. ... Arts DegreesWhen white people go away to college, they tend to study what are knowns as the Arts. This includes actual Art, English, History, Classics, and Philosophy. These can of course be broken down further into Film, Womyn’s Studies (yes the spelling is correct), Communications, Gender Studies, and so forth. It is important to note that a high percentage of white people also get degrees in Political Science, which is pretty much like arts, and only seems to have the word “science” in it to make white people feel better about themselves. These degrees enable white people to spend four yeas of their lives reading books, writing papers and feeling great about themselves. It is a known fact that Arts students firmly believe that they are doing you/society a favor by not getting a job and reading Proust. They use this to protest for reduced tuition, more money for the arts, and special reduced student rates on things like bus passes. But what about the white people who study Science, Engineering or Business? Unless they become doctors, they essentially lose white person status (and can only be regained by working at a non-profit). So why would white people spend all that time studying and working to get into college if they are just going to read books that they might have read in their free time? Because white people have it made. They can take that degree and easily parlay it into a non profit job, an art gallery job, or work in publishing. If the pay is low, no problem, their parents will happily help out with rent until they magically start making six figures or non-magically turn 40. White people can also take that degree and go to graduate school (future post) and eventually become a professor or adjunct professor where they will still require parental support. If they are REALLY ambitious and need to make money, they can take that degree and go to Law School. But the real reason white people need these degrees is so that they can sound smart at parties. Of course it trickles down to making connections, getting hired, knowing rich people, and so forth. But ultimately it all begins by saying “reading Henry James was the most rewarding part of undergrad.” Using this to your advantage can be very difficult as attempts to talk about the books they skimmed while hungover can expose you. It is best to say that you were a first generation college student and your parents demanded that you study math, chemistry, economics or computer science. You had to read Joyce on your own. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GLIK$ Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 dude i dont like any of that shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*PROTOCOL* Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I like ranch dressing alot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some1 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I've been on a hunt for a victorian style console table to match this victorian style mirror I have for like 5 months not gonna lie...and I <3 mos def damn it this shits got me pegged... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decyferon Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 sorry about that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Durden Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Brilliant! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christo-f Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 You'll thank me when I save the world with my political science degree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel Dumielle Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Black Women. That other stuff is a lie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stresssack Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I like pancake ass. /yessarcastic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
publicenemyno.3 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 philosophy degrees are fucking useless. mos def is the man, that new movie with jack black looks good. 16 blocks was pretty good too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BruceLeroy Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 cocaine, miller high life and microwave burrito's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
womphead Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 white people who own construction companys love to hire illegals for the cheap labor...they love that for sure. but they dont love all these illegals in the country. hahaha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harvey Wallbanger Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 White people also really like Dave Chappelle. Mainly because we can now say "nigger" constantly, and if anyone gives us any shit, we can say we were just quoting a sketch from Chappelle's Show. Incidentally, I just heard that Dave Chappelle was originally supposed to play Mos Def's role in Be Kind, Rewind. That would have been awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeking Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 *mos def is about as authentic as fubu. dude is a joke. a self parody. *since when is apologizing for your mistakes an insult to your character? *i like some old stuff cause it was made in a time when quality and design mattered as much as form and function. black people buy a couch from goodwill then put plastic on it. that's far more comical than owning antiques. *youre right, we should stop going to school and instead hang out on the corner and play basketball like blacks, pretending that being able to read is an insult to our manhood. good one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
womphead Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 White people also really like Dave Chappelle. Mainly because they can now say "nigger" constantly, and if anyone gives them any shit, they can say they were just quoting a sketch from Chappelle's Show. Incidentally, I just heard that Dave Chappelle was originally supposed to play Mos Def's role in Be Kind, Rewind. That would have been awesome. yeah thats true. crazy how detailed it can get on why peoples comfort zones change because of they see and hear on tv and shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some1 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Dude did you not see soulja bois new video? F's on MAH REPORT CARD YO THROW SOME D'S AWN IT!!! Stupidity is rewarded... I can't wait to have kids so I can beat the living shit out of them when they bring this shit into my house. I will literally beat them until a kidney fails or a lung collapses... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tuff Tone Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 white people love saying DUDE dumb white bitches like saying LIKE like omg i like went to the mall yesterday and like i saw this new outfit and like it was like a lot of money but like i still bought it because like i just had to have it you know like it was really awesome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some1 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 White people like jumping off things that are really high... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
womphead Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 and razors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ski Mask Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I hear Irony is also really popular with us white folk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoes Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 "Totally stoked on the Hero, dude" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnum OPiss Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 A lot of my white friends really dig blow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRONHEAD Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 white people are always watching nascar. im not a fan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harvey Wallbanger Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Blowjobs? Yeah, those are awesome. i don't like Guitar Hero though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BruceLeroy Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 nascar, cheap labor and mexican food Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awkward eye Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awkward eye Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 When you enter a white person’s home, you should immediately search for anything not made by Ikea, Crate and Barrel or Athropologie. Upon finding such an item, you should ask “where did you get that? It’s really cool.” The white person will then tell you a story about how they acquired it, allowing them to feel cool and giving them a reminder about their fantastic taste. That shit made me laugh....I do in fact like older furniture for the simple fact that it's made better and looks cooler....I'll even tell you a story about how I acquired if you want... seriously. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_gooch Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 i was eating fried chicken wings from the chinese joint and cut up watermellon from wauldbaums last night. oh and i don't feel guilty for anything my ancestors did because they were poor irish and italians. that white guilt isn't applicable to all of us. i prefer de la and epmd to mos def or any new hip hop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awkward eye Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 i prefer de la and epmd to mos def or any new hip hop.I prefer Bun B to any other rapper that ever rapped. Probably cause I'm white though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_gooch Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 what about rappy rappington? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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