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bloodfarts and i are sitting on my couch watching project runway


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Last night I went to the most radical bar ever.

I believe it is what is referred to as a dive bar.

 

Hard luck stories told on well worn faces.

 

The type of place you buy beer by the bucket and wings by the pound.

The type of place where I was the hottest person in the bar.

And nobody noticed.

I like that in a place.

Where everyone is oblivious to me.

 

I decided that every dude in the place was named Darryl.

 

So Darryl was in charge of being the jukebox hero.

He played Poison.

That is when I knew I was home.

Motley Crue.

Lynard Skynard.

We couldn't leave because Darryl kept coming through with the hot jams.

 

I had a feeling that 90% of the dudes in the bar weren't wearing socks.

They weren't into impressing folks.

They were living it.

 

Darryl made out with some lady at the bar.

Stroked on her nappy pony tail.

They left together.

Darryl had a bag of beer and snacks.

So after they made it on his couch, they could get they energy back.

Couch sex.

I wagered he had a blanket of a tiger tacked to the wall above his couch.

 

We're going back tonight.

To sing country and western karoke.

I hope they have some David Allen Coe.

I can totally shred it down.

While all the down and outs at the bar glare at me in disdain.

For being too rock and roll.

 

Also.

The bar was attached to a liquor store which you could access through a door right next to the bar.

There were a million televisions.

You could watch Nascar, UFC fighting, hunting, or poker.

There were poker games going on in the back room.

One dude was down $100 and not too happy about it.

 

The bathroom smelled of nothing but urinal cakes and depression.

It made me sick in a good way.

 

I want to live in that bar.

 

Really.

 

There was a Mexican dude with a powerful mustache totally getting down on a massive sandwich at the table behind us.

He didn't care what else was going on.

He was living for that sandwich.

He actually took a bite, then pumped his fist to Skynard.

I was in awe.

It was amazing.

 

Tonight.

We take photos.

I tiger strut until I can tiger strut no more.

I dance like nobody's watching.

And sing like nobody cares.

 

That bar is my spirit animal.

Never before has one place made me feel so complete.

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BF was a very gracious houseguest. she did not piss on anything, although she did get pretty drunk the first night. she also did not break anything. those were my two requests. i made her go grocery shopping with me. it was very domestic, cause sometimes you gotta be domestic.

i felt kinda bad. she happened to show up on a bad week when it was raining, and truth be told, i'm not much of a host to begin with. this left me a little perplexed as to how to entertain her. of course the night i get wasted and am up to hijinx she was staying with her friend. oh well. all in all, i had a rad time.

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Last night I went to the most radical bar ever.

Tonight.

We take photos.

I tiger strut until I can tiger strut no more.

I dance like nobody's watching.

And sing like nobody cares.

 

That bar is my spirit animal.

Never before has one place made me feel so complete.

 

kind of poetic in a way.

 

K00L B34N5!

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  • 3 years later...

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Where's Andrae?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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