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madsencarl

marry our daughter

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Kimberly H.

Age: 15,

Location: South

 

Bride Price:

$20,995 Kimberly was raised from birth knowing that her place in life was to be a good wife and mother and she might as well get started on that now. She knows God put her on Earth to serve her husband like it says in the Bible and we’ve made sure she knows exactly how to do that.

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"Thank God for your site! Our daughter was really nervous walking down the aisle, but she seems okay now and the money we got let us keep our farm and even add on a few acres."

 

—Mrs. Addrien L.

 

 

"At first we were worried that Janine was too young to get married, but then her new husband bought her a house and a car and jewelry and the money we got let us buy a house for ourselves. Getting out of the trailer park at our age was the best thing that ever happened to us, and it’s all thanks to Marry Our Daughter!"

 

—Mr. Jack M.

 

 

“I was SO scared getting married so young, but my husband is an okay guy and I am SO proud that because of me my parents were able to get their first brand-new car and take the trip they always wanted to. I couldn’t have done it without your site!"

 

—Katrina K., married at 14

 

 

“Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn’t very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We’ve told our youngest that when she turns 15 we’re going to marry her off too!"

 

—Mrs. James P.

 

 

“My mother thought I was getting ‘too frisky” and that I had to get married right away before I lost my purity to some high school boy. Marry Our Daughter found me a husband and my parents were able to keep their house and pay off my mother’s medical bills. I was so glad I could help them, and being married at my age (I'm 16 now) has a lot of advantages, like my own credit card!"

 

—Nancy A.

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wow.

 

Hailey N.

Age: 16,

Location: Northeast

 

Bride Price:

$99,995

Hailey is a rising star on her way up. She’s already been in local billboard ads and has modeled for national catalogues. Her dream is to break into the movies and TV and she’s looking for a husband who lives in the Southwest and will help her achieve her dream.

 

Hailey seems fun, but the price is way too steep.

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“Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn’t very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We’ve told our youngest that when she turns 15 we’re going to marry her off too!"

 

—Mrs. James P.

 

:lol:

 

Someone make up a daughter and submit it.

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seffiks made a profile for me tonight on there.

 

i sure hope it gets approved!

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They used to not blur their faces. You could see what the really janky 1000 dollar ones actually looked like.

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Guest shai_hulud

This has to be a joke.

 

If not, I want to offer someone two goats and some magic beans to put the hustlebone on their daughter.

 

Literally. In those exact words.

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Anna R .

Age: 17 ½,

Location: Northeast

 

Bride Price:

$3,995 Anna R. has been living with foster families since she was 5 and is a bit rough around the edges but is basically a good girl. When she turns 18 she will age out of the foster system and will have to move out and is looking for a kind and caring man to look after her needs while she looks after his.

 

 

this is gold.

 

the people adopt a kid, and then sell her.

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Guest shai_hulud

It's like buying a goddamn car...

 

"When you say...rough around the edges, what exactly does that mean?"

 

"Well. She's 6'4", weighs three hundred pounds, and we had all her teeth replaced with steel ones so she could chew through firewood...kind of like a beaver."

 

Oh, god.

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