Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...

New years resolutions + How can I be SOOO bad at XBOX


Recommended Posts

  • New years resolution; find out of shape fat people who want to be my gym partner and
    then together we will smoke trees until we forget all about the gym and are happy again.
  • start digitizing the record collection/ get serato.
  • continue till april with this no cig steak ive been on, one year down, life to go.
  • stop worrying about how consistently inconsistent i am and will for ever be
  • impregnate multiple ladies so the world can enjoy Multiple Hev mixes into the future.
  • continue making threads then get ignored for their boring content or repeats.

XBOX. aka hev is marked for

death and merked for life... i

just wanna live to kill you


first; im old enough to remember when colecovision and atari first came out. I had neither. I also

remember the day i beat the first screen of pacman with out dying, and that its never happened

again since. Now you may be thinking, 'well hev, clearly video games are not for you'. WRONG

they are for me, its just that while i was drawing and not having a tv until i was 15, the rest of the

world was getting all joystick friendly and kicking digital asses left right and center, and now here i

am a 40 (not really but you get the point, Corel aint 40 ether and he made a movie) year old

virgin noob who sucks at XBOX.

HOW BAD ARE YOU, you might ask...

XBOX literally suggested i put on a helmet while playing so i wouldn't hurt myself. and I have a list

of geriatric epileptics (off their meds) to play me and they have been instructed on taking it easy

on me.


In a game where the average kill-death ratio is 5 kills to one death, hev does the opposite by

double almost, so in some you could say im number one at dying; not glorious as winning but its

still a number one slot. I have died more times then the the rest of my team combined. And the

worst part is listening to high pitched voice pimple-pocked fuckos tell me i suck; 'for real? you saw

me dieing too huh?"


Im convinced in real street warfare i would do much better... maybe. Prolly not. I need some sort

of video training course or some shit. The best is spending all the loot on XBOX only to now know i

just spent 500 bones that ultimately just stresses me out.


I have learned one thing though... If i do NOT see a green name about your head, you are not on

my team and i am thinking aways to kill you.




NOTICE TWIMC: i will now from here on out get vegetable fried rice instead of regular rice when i

get Chinese food.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This forum is supported by the 12ozProphet Shop, so go buy a shirt and help support!
This forum is brought to you by the 12ozProphet Shop.
This forum is brought to you by the 12oz Shop.
i have been jacking up peoples kills like Crazyyy.





Is this a challenge???


If so....i will take it




And count choc: Video games are not the gheys....only people that get owned on daily say shit like that. Keep practicing though...maybe you will get good and little kids wont kick your ass



Link to comment
Share on other sites


no more:

  • writing on things
  • drawing in preparation to write on things
  • 12oz
  • phone
  • friends
  • fam
  • might take a brake from paying bills too
  • showering thats over rated in a digital world.
  • pretty much going outside. the maps on xbox are a good approximation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i need to hit a fucking gym as well. i was brushing my teeth, without a shirt on, watching my little man titties jiggle. it was depressing. my girl just put me on a diet, and it fucking sucks. i need to start working out, so when i tie my shoes, i don't get all grunting and breathing funny.


good luck with that x-box hev.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

heavy, if you ever feel the need to get your ass handed to you...err i mean play COD4.


add me on Xbox live.... SN: Danskivich

i will add you, but i need to get a little better first; so im at least just awful instead 'SUCK UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE' status.


its like being a toy all over again, and im not convinced i ever out lived it the first time, i now no why as you get older you become more and more risk averse cause your ability to evolve quickly fades. Ive begun shopping for walkers; looking for one with an Ipod adapter and a nice lil woofer; so i can keep it hustle while i shuffle.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in

Sign In Now

  • Create New...