against my better judgement

[blood fart]

I don't know where we'll be moving to.

Or when.

But it will be back in the states somewhere.

 

I'm definitely planning a few super radical top secret road trips.

And CA is on the list.

But who knows when that will happen.

 

I have a few friends (and when I say few, I mean less than 10) that have managed to make it through and turn their lives around.

Now they have careers and families and are decent people.

That shit makes me happy.

For reasons that are obvious.

 

I still haven't thought of anything to write about.

I have so much other shit to think about all day.

Like future adventures.

And getting totally pumped in the gym.

Maybe after some pizza, I will come back fully energized and talk about something alright.

 

Today in the gym, dude had be doing some shit called Man Makers.

It's a burpee on steroids.

A burpee is a hardcore pushup.

So basically, I am beyond hardcore at this point in life

 

Before he even got there, I did a 20-in-20.

Which is on a stationary bike.

Every minute, you go up 1 level in resistance.

Until you reach level 20.

And feel super fucking brutal.

So I did some impressive shit like that.

To try to make my legs total killing machines.

 

Then I took it down a notch and did another 25 minutes on a easy level 9 resistance.

Cause I got it like that.

 

That's about all my life is now.

Work.

Gym.

Pizza.

Cats.

[Reuben Kinkaid]

But seriously.....barbecue sauce.

[blood fart]

But seriously, I am in Germany.

 

They don't know about Stubb's here.

[abcs]

i got all used to using the push out machines at the gym. Pretty

quick im pushing 180 lbs at 3 reps of 15 so decide to throw down

on the bench. 100 lbs no spotter and i almost died. Gravity made

me look like a chump

[blood fart]

I don't really get into machines too much, unless I am just trying to kill time while waiting for dude.

I do about a hour of cardio on a bike or eliptical, then dude gets there and we do circuits.

Mainly, I stick with shit involving med balls and kettle bells.

It's all kind of Cross Fit/ p90x/ Gym Jones shit.

Shit that makes you limp around always because of doing a million variations of squats.

[screaming hand logo]

stubbs is hands down my favorite bbq sauce

[Lesbian Fisting]

stubbs is hands down my favorite bbq sauce

 

This is the pinnacle of sauces.

 

 

 

And thanks Blood Fart. I know its hard as fuck to tell your story.

[TippinBetweenYourThighs]

I have a couple of questions!

 

1. Who's Scott? You reference him in the story but failed to provide any information about him.
   
2. Are you from Austin? I noticed you mentioned East Airport and also that someone was in jail/prison here.

Interesting life story. I'm a little curious about other small things but I don't mean to seem so intrusive.

[blood fart]

Scott was my "adopted" brother.

His family disowned him, so mine took him in.

He would hop a freight half way across the country to spend the holidays with my family.

 

He had volunteered to go to Belieze to teach people how to prevent disease and shit like that.

How to not die unnecessarily.

While there, he was on an anti-malaria drug.

On this drug, you can't drink, take any over-the-counter drugs and definitely not any illicit drugs.

He came back to the states.

To my family's house.

He sent me a postcard in prison saying he would be there that weekend to see me and to make sure he was on my visitors' list.

The next night, he drank some methadone and died.

The anti-malaria drug hadn't worked it's way through his system and he had a toxic reaction.

Some dirtbag dude basically watched him die and didn't do anything.

He said he heard him gasping for breath for a few minutes.

And then not.

Because he had stopped breathing.

The dude got up and left in the morning without telling anybody.

My older brother found Scott dead on his couch.

 

That weekend I did get a visit.

It was my brother and my mother.

In the 2 years I had been locked up, it was my second visit.

The first being on my 21st bday from my mother.

She showed up with 15 minutes left in visitation.

And proceeded to immediately tell me that I looked like shit and a convict.

I guess the fact that she came to visit me in prison wasn't enough of a sign that I was indeed a convict.

 

Either way.

My mother and brother came to see me.

We had a nice two hour visit.

I remarked on a ring my mother was wearing and how it was nice.

The only reason I noticed is because she never wears rings or any jewelry.

She told me it was for me and I would get it when I got out.

Then they told me the reason they came to see me is to tell me that Scott had died.

I lost it.

And spent the next week in self-induced solitary.

When I went back to the dorm, I let everyone know that if they valued their front teeth, that they would stay the fuck away from me until further notice.

They listened.

I guess it really sunk in because I was notorious for never showing emotion.

So when they saw that I was genuinely destroyed, they knew it was serious.

 

I spent a week trying to let it sink in.

It ended up taking about five years to actually sink in.

Even when I got out and in my bedroom were bags of all of Scott's belongings that were left for me to sort through.

Like I said, for about five years, I would still expect him to show up and walk through the front door at any time.

 

Most people in my life that have died, it never effected me at all.

Because most people I would meet, I knew when I met them, that one of us was going to die at an early age.

So I never really got attached to most people.

 

The few people I let in and really loved and valued as friends, they have all died under different circumstances.

A large number of suicides, which is not surprising.

Usually resulting in some sort of mental/emotional breakdown for anywhere from 2 months to a year.

Usually extremely self-destructive.

 

Now I just try to meet people that are decent people that aren't in sketchy lifestyles and hope that it is enough to keep me from having to bury anyone else.

 

 

 

 

And yeah.

I am from Austin.

The 58.

Rundberg area.

[Toiletseat]

best read in weeks on the internetz

[Reuben Kinkaid]

But seriously, I am in Germany.

 

They don't know about Stubb's here.

 

They know about beer. I will also accept beer.

[blood fart]

Speaking of beer, yesterday after work, a group of coworkers and I went down to the beer fest.

It's the second largest beer fest in the world, next to Oktoberfest in Munich.

 

While getting off the train, we all stopped to take a pee in a parking lot adjacent to the station.

Walking toward the fest, we saw a dude taking a squatting shit next to the train station.

In the middle of the day with a shit ton of people around.

I made eye contact with him.

Then immediately started laughing.

He couldn't be bothered to care that about a hundred people could see him shitting.

 

We went to the fest and got to drinking.

Ended up finding out shit about my coworkers that I didn't really want to know.

Such as the dude sitting next to me at the table has a choking fetish.

And likes chicks with thick necks.

 

Got home shitfaced and proceeded to send various messages to various friends on facebook.

All of which were just total bullshit.

So today I had to send messages retracting things that were said in a drunken mess.

 

They weren't half as bad as some of the shit that came out of my mouth last night though.

 

Went to work late and super tired.

It was a common theme between everyone who went out last night.

Fucked around for a few hours until I couldn't take it anymore.

So I made myself a cubby hole to take a nap in.

Behind some huge Rubbermaid bins.

And a stack of fleecy soft baby blankets.

Napped for about a hour, then decided to just go home and do it properly.

 

 

 

 

I don't know if I can ship glass bottles of beer legally to the states.

But I will look into it.

If nothing else, I can send you some cans.

[Lewis and Clark]

after seeing this thread pop up a week or so ago and originally seeing that first post and being like.... fuck reading that novel.

bored at work, got down and finally read it read a little after it responses and whatnot.

never realizing it was made in 07 and got bumped.

holy story, you have been through a lot.

i could write and write yadda ya.

but more than anything i can say, happy to hear you are now living comfortable and am able to laugh.

everyone has a story and life is hard for so many people.

thank you for sharing and i hope it only gets better from here BF.