against my better judgement

[Frate_Raper]

yo my dude I wasn't calling you out on that shit, jus sayin...ya dig! If you are on some level cool with my people from here you are just fine with me dun!

[Frate_Raper]

wtf!

[realize]

Damn bf,

 

Mad respect for the shit you've been through, makes me look at my own life and realize I haven't been through shit. I know your nothing but another face on the forum to me and have no clue who the hell I am but you are an inspiration to me to keep striving for something better.

 

Thank you,

 

Realize

[blood fart]

yeah the bed trick is what Im talking about... I remember it had a funny name..

 

I'll think about it and try to remember.

Most names I come up with for different things in life are typically pretty funny.

Cause I am typically a pretty funny person.

At least, I make myself laugh.

 

I'll get back to you if I can remember it.

I know it was something good though.

 

That trick was reserved for special nights when I had to step it up a notch.

It never failed to impress.

And my impress, I mean make dudes laugh their asses off.

Which is what I go for in the bedroom.

Since I don't really know how to do sexy or sultry.

I stick with what I know best.

 

 

 

 

 

My life was what it was.

Obviously, nothing that was too hardcore for me to make it through.

Most people that meet me now, never believe me when I tell them how I used to be.

From either living on the streets for so long and being a junkie or being in prison or any of that.

Which I take as a huge compliment.

It just means that I've left the old person behind.

[injury]

A lotta people on here have stories that blow me away.

[blood fart]

I kind of have a story that goes with everything.

Seriously.

If you name off a few things, I am sure I can remember something that I've done that corresponds with them.

 

 

I once poisoned a rival gang of scumbag squatters with ipecac.

It was a Bday gift to my best dude at the time.

We watched them vomit four times while trying to make it to the alley to vomit

 

 

 

 

I once lived in a cardboard dumpster behind Tower Records.

With two other dudes.

We would curl up and read Lowrider mags while drinking rotgut whiskey.

There was a security guard that had a crush on me and would wake me up with donuts and coffee.

 

One time in the dumpster, I woke to a strange dude sticking his hands under my cheerleading skirt.

Because I've always thought dressing in themes was adorable.

And would do cheers and cartwheels for money.

Either way.

Some dude had seen us in there while he was walking to work at the Jack In The Box up the street.

He thought I would like him to touch me.

I did not.

So I woke up the two dudes.

We decided to just go back to sleep after a few serious threats.

Later on, about 25 of us went into Jack In The Box to call him out on his actions.

He kind of got beat up real bad.

And fired.

And we all got free food.

It was a pretty alright day after all.

 

 

 

I once dated a guy who killed the girl he dated after I broke up with him to go on a crack binge.

For two weeks after I was gone, he would keep the beers that would have been mine had I been there.

He had a huge bag of them that nobody could touch.

Eventually, he got the point I wasn't coming back around.

So he left town with some young girl.

He strangled her in Utah.

Then called me on the phone at my mom's house to see if I wanted to get back together.

He said he killed her because she just wouldn't listen.

The FBI called me asking about him.

Now he's in prison for life.

Turns out the girl had important parents.

[!@#$%]

i used t have a my life story confessional sort of thread.

i deleted that shit

since i've moved on, so far from that, and it doesn't matter at all whether or not people know that stuff about me. i bust out my stories when appropriate and sometimes i stay silent.

 

i'm glad you cleaned your life up, there have been junkies in my life and there are still plenty in my area and one could argue about whether that life is hard or easy but regardless, i see it as both incredibly selfish, and a big waste of time and energy.

[SystemFailure]

So he left town with some young girl.

He strangled her in Utah.

Then called me on the phone at my mom's house to see if I wanted to get back together.

He said he killed her because she just wouldn't listen.

The FBI called me asking about him.

Now he's in prison for life.

Turns out the girl had important parents.

 

That's fuckin raw. The delivery at the end was damn.

[Reuben Kinkaid]

So about that barbecue sauce....

[Southern Smite]

Mareeeeeza! Hi.

[abcs]

you fascinate me. I have stories that im willing the share

and then there are the ones that i keep to myself. I dont

want people to associate the fucked up shit ive done or put myself

thru with who I am even tho your experiences and where you

have been also define you as a person. So when people meet

me they are meeting my public relations rep. If they knew

the half of it they would either never give me a chance or

it was just serve to attract other fuck ups. Good shares

bloodfart. Unfortunately i understand where you are coming

from. Atleast more than i wish was the case

[Spring Break '92]

Bloodfart, what ever happened to you writing your book? I was trying to find this thread a while ago to re-read.

[blood fart]

I basically gave up on writing a book because I've feel like I've moved so far from that life, that it's hard for me to actually remember details of daily life or experiences.

I'm sure if I thought about it hard, I could remember more.

At one point, I would still be able to feel emotions when thinking about specific times.

That is no longer the case.

I can't remember smells, or feelings, or even names of people who played important roles at that time.

I take it as a sign.

 

I'm satisfied with living my life now and and not trudging up old shit.

 

Who knows, maybe I will change my mind and reconsider it all.

Or just write about other things.

 

Plus, my life now drains me physically, and writing drains me emotionally.

And I just don't know if I want to add one more thing to my plate right now.

 

Like I said, who knows...maybe I will start writing again.

About something.

Just for the last 2 years, I've been more concerned with just getting myself healthy and happy and trying to be a better person and be someone that I can feel good about.

[KINGSHITOFFUCKMOUNTAIN]

thanks for that

[SONolAR187]

maybe try fiction loosely based off real events?

[blood fart]

I don't really have the imagination to create shit that never existed.

 

I know what loosely-based fiction means, I'm just saying that I only write 100% truth.

It's the only thing I know.

But who knows what the future holds.

 

Maybe I will start setting aside time each day to write something.

But I say that all the time about different things.

Such as art projects or books.

Then I stick with it for a week, tops.

And life once again takes over and I allow myself to come home and just sit on the couch for the rest of the night.

Not to justify it, but I have a pretty physically exhausting schedule.

 

I get up early.

Ride my tiny bike hard through the woods to work.

About 8 miles.

Spend 6 hours doing physical labor.

Moving boxes, unloading trucks, basic warehouse shit that leaves me sweaty and grimy.

Go to the gym.

Ride home.

Cook dinner.

Clean up.

Then it's game over for me and I can't think of doing anything else that takes the least bit of effort.

[RazorRamon]

Shit like this makes me realize that A. I've done absolutely nothing with my life so far, and B. I never realize how actually nice I have it right now.

 

Also makes me worry about certain habits of people I know.

[blood fart]

Eh.

You aren't the first person to say that in relation to my story.

Which I find kind of "funny", because I still don't think I've lived enough life.

 

I mean.

Right now I live in Europe.

I get to take weekend day trips to Zurich or Munich or a myriad of other awesome places.

I've done shit like take my dude to Madrid for a week for his bday.

Realize life long dreams of wandering through walls made of human skulls in Paris.

Get lost wandering in the Czech Republic and explore abandoned factories that are creepy to the max.

I go places and start planning my next trip before I even get home.

 

But even with all of that.

I don't feel as if I have done enough yet.

 

I guess that's a good sign though.

Cause probably once I hit that point where I feel like I've "done it all"...then I would stop pushing my adventure limits and life would probably cease to be amazing.

 

 

 

I make dreams a reality.

It's kind of what I do.

[RazorRamon]

Well I say that, but then again I'm only 19.

Just in to relation to the days where I feel like my life is "shitty", or I feel like I don't do enough.

 

It's cool to hear that you don't feel like you've done enough though. We only have one life so live it.. or w.e the hell it is they say.

[lord_casek]

BF: I once mentioned to your husband how good you look in the pics you've posted in VIP

and said something along the lines of, "you did a good job with her, man. she looks awesome."

His reply was, "I didn't do anything, it's all her." My thought after that was "wow, what a woman."

 

I've always thought you were a pretty girl, but what you've done with yourself over the past few years is pretty amazing. Not just physically, but mentally. You get props all day for that shit.

[blood fart]

He played a part.

In getting me away from a place where it was hard for me to break free from bad habits.

And moving across the world at first was hard being so isolated from everything and everyone I know.

But it helped me be able to concentrate on myself and doing what I need to do to get all my flaws in check and work on them.

I realized that I don't need other people to destroy me or to fix me.

That it is all me and I am the one person I can rely on.

 

But really, I just wanted something better for myself.

I am never satisfied with staying the same, so I always push myself to be something better.

Even now, I don't feel like I can rest of my laurels and just ride it through.

I push myself hard.

Sometimes too hard.

He can attest to that when we go to the gym and I make him wish he was dead.

I have a "Never Say Die" mentality and everything that I do, I just try to do my best.

Which I have come to realize that my best is pretty fucking awesome.

 

 

My life is basically the longest after school special ever.

[MedicineCabinet]

hi bf

 

take a bong hit... you deserve it

[lord_casek]

He played a part.

In getting me away from a place where it was hard for me to break free from bad habits.

And moving across the world at first was hard being so isolated from everything and everyone I know.

But it helped me be able to concentrate on myself and doing what I need to do to get all my flaws in check and work on them.

I realized that I don't need other people to destroy me or to fix me.

That it is all me and I am the one person I can rely on.

 

But really, I just wanted something better for myself.

I am never satisfied with staying the same, so I always push myself to be something better.

Even now, I don't feel like I can rest of my laurels and just ride it through.

I push myself hard.

Sometimes too hard.

He can attest to that when we go to the gym and I make him wish he was dead.

I have a "Never Say Die" mentality and everything that I do, I just try to do my best.

Which I have come to realize that my best is pretty fucking awesome.

 

 

My life is basically the longest after school special ever.

 

 

You're doing a good job.

[NightmareOnElmStreet]

just read that story. not the rest of the thread. it was long, and reminded me

of bukowski for some reason. without all of the booze and sluts. i enjoyed it.

you ought to write another. thanks for sharing dude. btw, how old were you during

most of that shit???

[blood fart]

People always say I remind them of Bukowski.

I take that as a compliment.

I have plenty of tales involving booze and sluts, but they still reside in my head.

 

 

I was probably about 23 maybe.

Maybe a little younger.

I have a hard time keeping track of shit like times and dates.

[NightmareOnElmStreet]

good, then you are officially complimented, and propped.

 

however, i still motion for a release of booze and sluts st0ries from your head.

it's only right after such a good teaser. plus. it's fucking october. the best month

of the year, so put on yer story shants and get typin.

[blood fart]

I will think today while I am at work of something worth talking about.

It's too early for me to get into and tales right now.

But I'll come back with something that may or may not be worth reading.

 

 

And as far as my age.

I'm currently 30.

But people never believe me.

I look eternally 23.

[NightmareOnElmStreet]

i'll be checking back...

[VEE.THE.VIPER]

Something about superheroes having some obligation because of their powers.

 

I forget how it goes, but that's you. You're obligated to putting this out there.

 

With your haiku ass shit, I think Nietchze covered it also. It's an obligation.

[shai]

I don't have much to say to this besides that it's nice to see someone make it out the other side. So many people in my are lost or didn't make it because...well, lots of reasons that BF probably covered.

 

I don't know that I'll ever grow up. I guess I'm slowly learning how to deal with that....at least I feel a lot more peaceful lately.

 

BF- you and das dude are gonna be back in six months? If you land in Austin I might consider making that trip out there (finally). I plan to hang out with some of our mutual friends out there.