against my better judgement

[NerdUnit]

BF: People tell me all the time that my words make them depressed.

But that they can't bring themselves to not read what I write.

Double edged sword.

 

I think the easily depressed readers may have never faced adversity to

 

the same extent. Hence the inability to put it down. I think that also

 

speaks to the simple language you deliver with. Easy for people to hear.

 

You are a survivor that is obvious, even if you brought some of this

 

misery into your life.

 

I know I like to be reminded, no need to be reminded, of the strength

 

of human will at times. You do a very good job of that without adding

 

any uneccessary embellishments.

 

That's why I've never once questioned your tales.

 

Thank you for sharing.

 

I hope our(CH0) feedback helps you to realize your writing goals.

[the flesh sword cometh]

now this would be an autobiography i'd enjoy reading.

[twinky the kid]

bloodfART THREADS ARE SOOOOO LAST WEEK.

[xrebelheartsx]

 

Not that anyone cares, but this is the song my hands reference.

 

When I was drunk, I was real into it.

And I still am.

Don't get me wrong.

But I think I should have had LIVE SLOW angled differently.

Nothing I can do about it now.

 

awesome song, one of the nicest dudes ever.

 

 

i think the thing about your stories and others like it that kind of draws me in is not that i can relate at all, but simply that they're so far off from what my life has been like. i'm not saying it's been all roses, but certainly nothing to this extent. it's almost cinematic to me, you know? like something that's so far removed from anything i've ever experienced, that it must be a great work of fiction, when i know damn well it isn't.

 

does that make any sense?

[blood fart]

I understand what you are saying.

 

My life isn't that far off from a life that millions of others have lived.

Everyone goes through shit in their life.

Some people don't make it through.

The ones that do, have (if nothing else) good tales to be told.

 

I never thought my life was anything special or different or that I was some sort of magnet for bad shit.

I have had my issues with depression, which millions of people deal with.

But for the most part, I am happy always.

Life is good for me.

 

 

 

I don't know how to write fiction.

My mind doesn't work that way.

[big lebowski]

good read.... good luck.

[Guest spectr]

You know I was just talking to someone about the lack of quality threads in ch0 recently.

blood fart this thread is fucking amazing, thanks for being willing to share some of your life with us. I know I have read some stuff you have written before and am always reminded of the life I used to live. Not so much with the drug addiction, but more with the traveling, hopping trains, and other things I don't really talk about here.

I really hope you do get it altogether in a book one of these days so I can read it.

[dirtydoses]

haha

 

i read this shit

and by shit i means stuff

and i thought that part where you said "treat him like he's 13"

 

or whatever

 

i thought you were having sex with a 13 year old.

and i was like omg, ok maybe she is kinda fucked up.

 

 

but then i re-read it, and i'm getting way awesome at re-reading, so i figured it out.

shit yes.

[shaolinmasta]

Say No To Drugs

 

Easy to say hard to do, life can get boring at times, live how the fuck you want to

 

 

Also I would fucking hate to be a girl, guys would creep me the fuck out I would be a straight dyke ya hizzeard

[uncle-boy]

Last night.

Things got real radical.

Then real guilty.

About things being so sexy.

 

I showed up at my friend's place.

There were some metal dudes there.

We talk about things.

Me being totally awesome.

Shit like that.

 

One of the dudes looked familiar.

In the everyone knows everyone way.

We meet and shake hands.

I know he has a twin.

I tell him I have met him or the dude who looks exactly like him before.

I didn't tell him how.

Or that I had a drunken bromance on the concrete floor of a warehouse.

After some vegan potluck and punk show.

Years ago.

That I know either him or his twin in the biblical sense.

 

 

So.

We weed.

Dranks.

 

We go to the neighbors' place across the way.

 

 

I get my hands tattooed.

In a spare bedroom.

By a nerd.

His out-of-work stripper girlfriend got me totally weeded.

And then I fell in love.

With a sweet cat.

That was pretty into hugging me.

We talked a little back and forth.

About him being totally adorable and cute.

 

My buddy told me he could see my heartbeating fast.

In the vein in my neck.

I told him it was all the magic and excitement in the air.

He understood.

 

We go back to his place.

His mom is passed out on the couch.

We hide in the record room.

I believe he pulled the ol' King Diamond romance move on me.

 

He told me how it was something important that he paid $20 for my tattoo.

Because he doesn't pay for tattoos.

For himself.

Or anyone else.

Ever.

I think it was the metal dude way of telling me he loves me.

 

He also did the whole,

"It is so radical hanging out with you and I always have a really excellent big fun time and you rule and I am glad we know each other and are friends and hang out."

Shit.

 

Awkward.

 

Sometime in the evening I realize it is hard for me to stand and not swerve.

So I tell him I need to lay down.

He couldn't fold out the loveseat fast enough.

It made me laugh.

At him.

For his eagerness.

 

I told myself that making sex was off-limits with him.

To think of it like making it with a 13 year old.

Morally unacceptable.

 

Later in the night I realized I am a huge jerk.

With no self-control.

Or morals.

This all hit me as dude was peeling off my jeans I had poured myself into.

And again when I actually said,

"Don't be so loud, I don't want to wake up your mom."

Really.

I am such a horrible person.

 

The only thing that can wipe away this guilt is cream gravy.

 

thats whack

but u dont care so i guess its fine.

[blood fart]

Say[/url] No To Drugs

 

Easy to say hard to do, life can get boring at times, live how the fuck you want to

 

 

Also I would fucking hate to be a girl, guys would creep me the fuck out I would be a straight dyke ya hizzeard

 

 

I came up hanging out with mostly boys.

Skateboards and BMX.

Boxing in the front yard.

Things like that.

So I never really got to grow into a "girly girl".

I have heard that I have a somewhat "tough" exterior.

It doesn't match my personality much at all.

 

I have done things and been in situations that called for me to be tough.

I try to avoid situations like that anymore.

 

In all reality, I am a super sweet person.

Who cares too much.

About people who don't care at all.

I have too many feelings.

And not enough control over them.

 

 

On the flip side of the coin, spending most of my time with dudes has made me pretty dudical.

In the good ways.

And in the total creep fest ways.

 

I guess people see how I look and think it is alright to talk to me about shit that I don't want them to talk to me about.

Dudes always want to have some idea in their head that I am real into freaky sex.

And that it is fine for total strangers to talk to me about it.

When in reality, I like holding hands and romance.

Not weirdo shit involving whips and chains.

 

I should sit down and write about some train hopping experiences.

Even though, they all seem almost boring to me.

Well, not boring, just predictable.

I guess for some kid that has never hopped freight, reading about it might be something exciting.

 

I am planning a train trip for the upcoming Spring.

Probably either over to New Orleans and then up to Savannah and then Virginia.

Or the other way and through the desert and up the west coast.

I'll let you guys know more as I figure out exactly what I am doing.

And you can pack me jam sandwiches and bring them out to me in your city's hobo jungle.

We can drink Carlo Rossi and talk about country music.

Then I will be on my way.

[blood fart]

thats whack

but u dont care so i guess its fine.

 

 

Everyone makes mistakes.

Anyone who says they don't is a liar.

[X22]

i can see why those tattoos cost 20 bucks....

[blood fart]

Yeah.

Well.

Me too.

Does that mean that I don't like them?

Nope.

 

If it was something that I was touchy about, do you think I would post it up?

Well, I wouldn't.

 

You don't know me or my life.

Take jabs at me for what you may.

It isn't going to change a damn thing I know to be true.

[eatso]

or

 

 

cup'oAIDs.

[Guest spectr]

hey blood fart ever hop the canadian low line? it has been the one line I have always just wanted to spend a summer hopping around on. I have hopped into and out of canada, but never across its vast expanses swilling boxes of wine, smoking cigs, and trying to listen to some music on a ghetto blaster while it is being drowned out by the music of the train.

[blood fart]

That sounds like something I would love to do..I just don't think my schedule will allow for it.

 

I think I can probably manage to take off a month of work.

But anything more would be pushing it.

And as much as I want to see new things and meet new people..I want to see old friends more.

 

What I really want is to do some tag-team racing.

That was always fun.

I am pretty sure I have my partner, if not two.

One of the dudes I am hanging out with has never ridden freight.

And is real romantic about the idea.

I think he would be fine company on a long haul ride.

 

So, I am going to toss the idea out to a few buddies and see who wants to race to glory.

I always had fun team race traveling in the past.

It adds a nice feeling to the whole experience.

Another level of excitement and fun.

 

Candle-lit boxcars, cheap wine, ramen noodles, country musics= recipe for falling in love.

 

 

 

 

And on another topic, I would really appreciate it if when people want to call me out on something or say something shitty..could you maybe not pick the most obvious thing to talk shit on?

I mean, I am the one who said I paid $40 for a tattoo that I got in some dude's backroom while under the influence of massive amounts of cheap beer.

That is how I operate.

It's nothing short of annoying when people try to say things they know nothing about.

 

It's a way of life.

[For Placement Only]

Basketball.....Bloodfart Diaries.

nice read,

real poetic.

 

like someone said, im sure its mad hard to live that life as a female,

no matter what youre upbringing was, and if you have a rough exterior.

females no matter what will/try to get taken advantage of.

kinda craze you went through it, with a positive outcome.

also seems like you got a good mother that has helped you out at your lowest lows.

[Seven-30]

My eye's started to burn from my computer screen while reading the story,but it was pretty worth it. Keep us updated with the book.

[blood fart]

I forgot about this thread.

Then I linked someone to it today and re-read it all.

Thought I would bump it.

 

I want to write some stuff later about life.

my life.

currently.

and shit that I've been getting into.

then I remembered not really a whole lot of excitement happens.

 

I just work, go to the gym, come home and sit on the couch then go to bed.

Save money for Euro trips.

Take said trips and let my eyeballs enjoy life.

 

I recently went to London to visit chopsticks and let him tattoo me.

It's pretty known what happened.

he tattooed me.

so did four others.

we hung out and ate pizza.

I bought a Ninja Turtle costume and ate pizza while wearing it.

I hung out with chopsticks cat, who I fell in love with at first sight.

just normal people shit.

sat on his couch and watched some programs and kept his mom up late by us talking about cats and pizza and shit like that.

We went to one of his super nice friend's bday bash.

A room full of Russian chicks got super into my life story.

and making me stand there in track shorts while they petted my legs.

it was odd.

but not actually the first time a group of ladies had done that.

 

It was worth every cent.

Did anything "crazy" happen?

Nope.

And that's what I like in life now.

 

Right now I'm sitting on my couch, where I spend a dumb amount of time.

Playing Dungeons & Dragons.

With R@ndom's co-workers.

I am pretty good at it.

Most nerd shit comes easy to me.

Cause I'm a natural born nerd.

 

Current life isn't really worth writing or reading about.

But that doesn't mean that I would change it.

It's nice and comfortable and I laugh a lot.

I never am scared that I might end up dead.

Or in jail.

Being an adult is pretty good.

[blood fart]

This is more for the newer folks who know nothing about me.

All the old folks are probably over all this kind of shit.

 

I really can't be bothered to hear any shitty feedback.

So if you hate what you read, stop reading.

If you hate to read, then go look at photos in a different thread.

 

 

 

 

 

I've made a massive turn around in my life just in the last year or so.

I quit drinking, for the most part.

Still will have a few on special days with special people.

But it just causes more problems than it is worth.

 

I get up at 5:45 every morning.

Go to work at my menial job.

Working in a warehouse of dudes.

And getting sexually harassed by my boss on a daily basis.

I work hard.

I always have.

Solid work ethic.

Everyone there loves me.

Even though I am known to totally lose my shit on people and start yelling.

I get away with a lot of shit in life.

Probably because I am a truly nice person who does nice things for people.

 

It's good though.

I am healthy mentally and physically.

People that know me will remark on this on a daily basis.

 

I don't really have any sad stories anymore.

Other than right now I am super starving and these dudes are talking about raging bonerz and rape.

[Frate_Raper]

something about former addicts that I cant seem to trust, I think its because I employ the shitty ones on the verge of constant relapse.

 

 

good for you home girl keep it clean go see the world!

[blood fart]

I guess I have almost 9 years clean now.

And I am a very trust-worthy person.

A number of 12oz folks who have opened up their homes to me can attest to that fact.

 

I don't steal.

No need to.

Anything I want in life, I work and save and buy it for myself.

I appreciate it more that way.

 

I don't lie.

It takes more effort than I am willing to put out.

 

I'm actually a pretty stand-up person.

I do shit like help old ladies with their groceries or help women get their baby strollers on the bus.

I buy books to send to school kids I will never meet because they like to read.

I send money every month to some girl in Niger because she needs it more than I do.

Little shit.

That I would never have thought of to do ten years ago.

 

Most mothers I meet think I am sweet and "nice girl" is a typical description of me.

They are not wrong, by any means of the word.

[Silba]

Whenever you in Chicago, I has spare room.

[blood fart]

Thanks for the offer, although I don't know if I will ever be up there.

 

I think I'll be heading back to the states in about six months.

But not really sure where to yet.

Was trying for Savannah so I could be close to KOH.

But don't know what's going to happen.

Probably back to Texas, where I will get my first legal vehicle and save for road trips.

[RIPS]

[earmuffs]

bloodfart what was the name you had for that back flip trick?

 

also I didnt read the whole thread but what happened to Calgary dude?

[blood fart]

Are you talking about the naked backflip off the bed trick?

Man, I don't even remember.

It's been years since I've had to pull that trick out.

 

 

I don't think I talked about Calgary dude in this thread.

He's still in Calgary.

We talk every few months, but he's not too good at getting his shit together, so I don't really have much to say to him.

There's no nice way to say that I am sad to see someone spend 5/6/7/8 years and make no progression in life.

Stagnation brought on by drinking to excess.

 

I have a number of "friends" that are in the same position.

A few girls who I used to do drugs with, and now 9 years later, they are still doing the same shit.

They call me wanting to talk and fall back on the old BFF shit.

But I don't even know them anymore.

Or maybe they don't know me anymore.

And I don't really like them anymore.

And can't identify with their endless plight of being an addict.

It's boring and old.

Always some sad luck story about why shit is going so bad for them.

Always some jerky dude to lay blame on.

Always asking me for advice on what they should do.

And when I tell them it's easy, just don't do what you've been doing.

Do something different.

Anything.

Just not the same shit you've always done, that's always left you wishing something different had happened.

Then they never change.

Months go by.

Years go by.

Still the same shit.

Going from town to town thinking that it will make a difference.

When they get somewhere new and instead of just taking time to focus on themselves, they hook up with more losers and keep going down the same path.

 

Not that I look down on them for not being able to escape their addictions.

But just at some point in life you have to notice that life is passing you by.

And take the steps to make a change.

 

 

 

I am pretty in love with life now.

Just basic shit.

I like looking out the window on car rides.

Or the same bus ride I take every morning to work.

It's nice to just look at the forest and appreciate nature.

And the calm of it all.

 

I'm also pretty in love with having shit.

Not like materialistic shit, but yes, to a point.

Having a nice bed to sleep in.

Having a totally sweet cat to hang out with and shower with forced affection.

Having a super nice bike that I worked and saved to buy.

It's just nice to be a normal person now.

That's all.

[earmuffs]

yeah the bed trick is what Im talking about... I remember it had a funny name..

[SystemFailure]

Sweet lord

 

 

This picture is somewhat analogous to you BF. But mostly relevant to how I'd like broads to look. And not in the forced rockabilly faggot way either.