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eatso

a deco pen made sexy time explosion in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...tru

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serious

it was one of the copper ones

it felt like death

I ran into my friends house half pants jumped into the shower

huddled in the fetal position and cried

it was like I had been raped by satan

my girlfriend called poison control and they hung up the first time.

the second time the poison control guy said "oh shit"

that was not very reassuring

we discussed what I should do

and I ended up just drinking alot of water

I was scared to pee for like 4 days

it was not so bad

now I have weird muscle spasms in my legs and arms

lesson?

don't fuck with xylene.

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

...or you could have gone to a doctor and you wouldn't have gotten nerve damage.

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

seez doctor rotting liver...

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

what the fuck is ed?

do i?

is that bad?

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

Poison Control sucks.

 

Last year my cleaning lady left a bottle water mixed with Pine-sol and water on the counter top next to the garbage. I have a habit of leaving water bottles out, and just randomly drink them. I was headed out to dinner and grabbed that bottle and straight chugged it. I didnt have time to taste or smell it, i was like hold up. TRied to throw that shit up, my throat was fucked my shit was bleeding and starting to swell and restrict. They didnt say shit drink water shit.

 

I tasted pine sol almost like a month straight and my throat is probably still fucked.

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

i should rename this the fuck poison control thread

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

Why did you have a Deco marker in your pants?

And what were you doing to make it explode?

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

well i deserved it cuz I

was cracking 'em open and filling other shit with the paint

and I accidentally grabbed one that I had fucked with

and put it in my pocket on the way out.

I was in a car when I noticed a strong oder of paint

only to feel the pain like 10 seconds later.

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

YOU BRING THE TRUE MEANING TO THE TERM "GOLDEN SHOWER"

AHAHAHAH

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

Back when I was street trash, this girl in my crew came upon some bottles of Ipecac.

I told her to keep them, just in case.

 

So about a week later, we are all sitting on the sidewalk and I had the most brilliant idea ever.

I asked everyone to dig in their packs for their emergency beers.

Out of the pick, I chose a month-old Keystone light in a dented can that smelled like feet.

I got a cup of ice and poured the beer in it.

Then I added basically the whole bottle of Ipecac.

 

There were some other street kids up the way.

Our rivals.

They were scared of us and called us "upper crusts".

Because we were better bums than they were.

It was jealousy.

 

Either way.

I walked up to one of them and told him some shit about us just getting "kicked down" a ton of food.

Stuffed bellies, no room for beer.

I would trade him a smoke for a beer.

He made his teenage runaway girlfriend give me a cigarette.

 

I walked back to my crew, and we sat about 20 yards away and watched the scene unfold.

The first kid drank some of it, and handed it off to his buddy, who also drank a healthy drink.

A third kid chugged the rest of it.

The first kid puked three times..walking to the alley to puke.

The second kid fell on the ground and did a puke roll.

The third kid projectile vomited on some passing cars.

The sounds coming from those boys was something out of a horror flick.

 

I laughed so hard I peed my pants.

Which only made my friends laugh even harder.

 

Those kids claimed they were going to "wage war" on us.

They didn't do a damn thing.

 

I invited them to come drink in the park with us.

As a sign of calling truce.

All but one declined.

I guess they had heard the rumors about what happened when we invited kids to drink with us in the park.

 

The whiskey was half gone.

I was well into my typical shit talking.

And then somebody handed me my log.

Which was at that point in time, my weapon of choice.

Yes.

I would beat up kids with a log.

It's a Texas thing.

Or a blood fart thing.

 

I looked up and kid was running full-speed across the park.

 

Sometime later in the night, the police came to the park.

They got complaints from 2 blocks away.

About a gang of hooligans singing Happy Birthday too loud.

I told the cops we had to sing loud, because the Birthday boy was in San Francisco.

They laughed and told us to go to bed.

We did.

End of story.

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

^

you see

that's why blood fart is better than us

my only question is which park?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

going to go get weeded

see you suckers in a few

 

woot!

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

lmfao this thread is so fucking random

i dont even know what to say

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

Stop wearing such tight pants and maybe your markers wont be all up on your shit like that.

 

And probably also be less likely to break in your pocket.

 

Just sayin.

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

^

you see

that's why blood fart is better than us

my only question is which park?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

going to go get weeded

see you suckers in a few

 

woot!

 

 

It takes a real asshole to think poisoning street kids is hilarious.

I am that one.

 

Dog Park on 29th.

Across from what is now Spider House.

It's real name is Adams Park.

 

I used to live there.

 

Once, we were all drinking in the middle of the park.

A ton of us.

Literally, the circle was like 30 people around.

All of our dogs were running around.

I think someone had even come down with their kid in a stroller.

So many half gallons of Kentucky Delux, it would make your mind spin.

 

So we were drinking.

There was a fire house across the stream from us.

Some firemen came over to talk to us.

I guess someone had ran in and stole a jacket from them.

They figured they would talk to us first.

Since we looked suspect.

 

They asked to look in our bags.

We complied.

They told us to throw all our weapons in the center of the circle, for their protection.

So in starts going everyone's knives and Gerber tools.

Then some brass knuckles.

Smilies.

I had a stun gun and some ninja eye gouger thing my mom gave me.

In that went.

Seriously, it was like something out of a cheap comical movie.

The weapons just kept piling up.

Endless.

 

So.

We sat there with our pile of random weapons, bottles of rot gut whiskey, and dogs aplenty.

The firemen checked our bags.

Found no jacket.

Left us alone.

 

They walked to some bushes about 20 feet from us.

Bums lived in those bushes.

They didn't find a bum.

They found a half dead girl that had been heavily drugged and raped.

We had seen the hobo who had done it leave the bushes about half an hour earlier.

We had no idea what was going on right next to us.

 

They took the girl out on a stretcher.

We kept drinking.

 

I had gotten out of rehab that morning.

After a 30-day stint.

I got drunk fast.

And puked on one of my sleeves.

 

I came out of a black out sometime later in the night.

Everyone was gone.

Save for one buddy of mine.

Who didn't seem to mind that I had vomit mouth.

 

The cops came.

We got arrested for being too wasted.

They put us both in the back of one car.

We totally got sexy in the back of a cop car.

It was sloppy.

And didn't work out too well, considering we were handcuffed and drunk.

But it's the thought that counts.

 

Punk rock, dude.

Totally.

 

 

Dude.

To be 17 and dumb again.

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

bloodfart --you really need to read "dharma punx."

 

 

great stories by the way.

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

I've read it.

It was a nice read.

 

I want to read his other book.

But I never bought it.

Because I spend all my money on romance and booze.

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

I was telling this dude the other morning about a month in my life.

About 5-6 years ago.

 

It involved my one-legged boyfriend, crack cocaine, a head-on collision in an illegal car that was a gift, jail, a monster truck, suicide attempt that ended in a coma in the ICU, a stint in the nut house, and then rehab to kick methadone, only to get out and discover I had a new boyfriend living in my room at my mom's house who's family was a religious cult on the outskirts of town, he fell in love and took me to see professional wrestling, then I broke his heart, and ran away to San Francisco with my one-legged piece of shit boyfriend and a lesbian who's car didn't go in reverse so everytime we were trying to make a fast escape after racking things to pawn- we had to Flintstone it and use our feets.

 

I am going to write it out later.

Brace yourself, it's good.

 

Prepare to have your mind blown.

 

I will probably get around to writing it out tomorrow.

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Re: so this one time a deco pen exploded in my pants and somehow went up my urethra...true

 

superb life and death situation.

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