DrUnKpUnCh Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 SO IM GETTIN MARRIED ON THE 26TH OF OCTOBER-2007 AND WAS WONDERING EVERYONES OPINION ON THE ISSUE. THANKS.:D NOT MEANING YOUR OPINION ON MY WEDDIND , JUST WEDDINGS AND MARRIAGE GUESS I SHOULD SHOW TEH FACE OF TEH LOVED ONE: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveboxcars Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 i think a friend of mine is getting married on the same day. and im going to the wedding. does your name start with a j? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lord_casek Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 So before you say "I Do", make sure you have at least considered these: * Ability to Compromise: There are subtle changes that most people can make in their lives in order to make their spouse happy. This is part of the never ending compromise phase that is critical. When single, I'd watch football games at bars every Saturday and Sunday (and sometimes Thursday). Once married, I toned it down to one day. This is a manageable change that I was willing to make. However, had my wife insisted that I give up all sports entirely, I would have resisted and eventually resented her. That resent would have spread and ultimately influenced my overall attitude towards her. The same is true for just about everything. The willingness of the other person to compromise today (of the lack thereof) and your reaction to it will prove to be a precedent setting event. If someone is absolutely unwilling to compromise on minor issues, you should expect the same for larger issues. Don't be shocked and appalled by it when it happens three years from now- you knew this going in and you accepted it! * Money - Yes, we all want it but once we have it who controls it. My wife started direct depositing her paychecks into my account after 3 months of dating. I actually don't recommend that so soon but she was bad with money and she admitted it. For us, it was a matter of getting our credit into shape (we had 640 credit and back then, now its 850 836) and we needed a strategy to pay off college and personal debt. Once that debt was paid off and we moved into our house, I turned the finances back over to her after a crash course in on time payments and credit. I never looked back. I enjoyed the strategy part of it but not the day-to-day grind of bill paying. She actually enjoyed it because as a stay at home Mom, it gave her the insight she needed to plan for grocery purchases, clothes for the kids, etc. So before you get hitched, what is your plan today and 5 years from now? Who is handling what? * Who cleans the toilets? - Toilets and the remainder of the housework is a constant issue. It all needs to get done and it's not the most fun. Setup a plan for this in the beginning. My suggestion is a weekly rotation - perhaps you'll come up with something different. The point of this is to set the expectation on both sides so that someone doesn't feel like a housekeeper. Chores need to be shared regardless of the work and income situation. Being a woman doesn't mean the wife has to handle at all. * The plan: In talking to people, it became pretty apparent that their initial goals were in line but after the kids are born and careers take off, there is a fork in the road. I agree that all plans change and there is no way to write a script for your marriage but a lot of the confusion can be removed by having a 1, 3, 6 and 9 year plan. You should have this conversation now and then revisit it all the time. This does not mean you only review goals at these intervals. These are simply due dates. I am often questioned as to why 1,3,6,9. o 1 Year Plan: This one is obvious. After the wedding, where will you live, where will you eventually live. Who handles what, what is the combined income, what can we afford etc. o At 3 years: You are no longer newlyweds and you are perhaps considering kids. Heck, you may already have a kid at this point. You need a plan for that, a plan for who works, who stays home, what type of daycare, etc. This is also around the time that your first condo or "couple's house" loses it appeal. What kind of house do we want? Where? Can we afford that? How are the schools? What is Plan B if someone gets fired? Do we know what utilities cost? o 6 years: We have all heard of the 7 year itch. Therefore, it stands to reason that you have a plan set with a deadline of 6 years. Where do you want the marriage to be in 6 years? Communication habits, sex life, careers...everything. Talk about it now and periodically consider making adjustments based on the the success of your approach. Plans are meant to be changed. o 9 years: Again, where do you want to the marriage to be in 9 years? Why? What will life be like? How many kids will we have by then? Are we sending them to public school? What if someone's parent dies? * Holidays - Just discuss how and where you will celebrate holidays. This is a battle for nearly everyone I know. * Discipline - Are we spanking the kids, are we talking and coaching or are we doing both? No matter how happy you are now, if you're against physical discipline and your spouse is not, you will slowly learn to resent and dislike him/her each time a spanking is doled out. Discuss it NOW and avoid a surprise. * Ok, religion - How important is it and how will we teach the kids? * Communications, cheating - I don't care how many conversations you have, no one will ever openly state that they "may cheat". A key here is to be undoubtedly sure that the precedent is set for open communication. If a wife is not happy, the FIRST action on her part should be to talk to the husband (and vice versa). The only way to do this consistently is to talk; not yell, not argue, but talk like civilized people. If you become enraged every time your spouse tries to talk to you, you are pushing away an opportunity to fix a problem. Take time out and actually LISTEN. Marriage is not an argument or a punishment unless you make it one. p.s.: sorry to ruin it for you...but, uh, congratulations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrUnKpUnCh Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 NO, BUT CONGRATS TO YOUR FRIEND. THAT WOULD BE TEH SHITS IF IT WAS YOUR FRIEND Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tango 24 Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 cliffnotes please Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrUnKpUnCh Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 CASEK, DID YOU HAVE THAT ON CTRL-V OR WHAT. THANKS /NOHOMO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lord_casek Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 cliffnotes please if you can't read more than four or five paragraphs (that are short) you need more than cliffnotes... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lord_casek Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 CASEK, DID YOU HAVE THAT ON CTRL-V OR WHAT. THANKS /NOHOMO i actually just read that article a few minutes before i came back in here (waiting on a tv show to download) no problem, i wasn't trying to ruin it for you, just thought you might like the read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NERONEZ Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 congrats...im getting married as well on new years in vegas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 marriage isnt for me yet.....im waiting for my 30's to hit first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seffiks Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 congrats Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seffiks Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 casek i think i need more then cliffnotes i need it read to me please upload a copy, thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrishCarBombs Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 congrats homey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrUnKpUnCh Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 CASEK- READ IT AND SAVED IT-THANKS NERO- CONGRATS YOURSELF- GOING THERE FOR A "MINIMOON" CALIGULA- IRONIC HAS IT IS I JUST TURNED 35 ON THE 27TH OF SEPT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 well if youre 35..good timing.....congrats!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seffiks Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 just remember 55% of marriages fail in the first 3 years ( i really hope you 2 will have a fantastic life together ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SADDAM HUSSEIN Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 dont let her give you any shit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chubbs Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 divorce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrUnKpUnCh Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 BEEN WITH HER FOR A VERY LONG TIME. WELL OVER MANY YEARS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 whats her nationality? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrUnKpUnCh Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 THX: ICB/SADDAM/CHUBBS(FUNNY)/SEFF/CALI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrUnKpUnCh Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 whats her nationality? TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK IT IS AND LET YOU KNOW. SH'E BEEN CALLED A FEW DIFFERENT THINGS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 im going with puerto rican.....boriqua. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrUnKpUnCh Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 OOOOOO SO CLOSE ANYONE ELSE.? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 if im close...then its gotta be cuban or dominican or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrUnKpUnCh Posted October 3, 2007 Author Share Posted October 3, 2007 SORRY SHES NICOYA AND MEXICAN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 thats cool.....you guys look like you make a good couple....congrats once again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seffiks Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 damn i was gonna say costa rican Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
^ . ^ Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 congrats. I dont ever plan on getting married..not because I'm against it, but because i'm a bitter hag. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrishCarBombs Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 you potato eatting kitten face mick you are my soul mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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