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jury duty


Pfffffffffft

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  • 10 months later...

Ok so I'm not gonna make a new thread but I will bump this one, I spent the first half of the day lying to a judge about my ability to be impartial. Fucking smug asshole cop sitting next to the smashable ADA, looking like he has a slam dunk. The defendant, poor fucker, can't even speak English, and you expect me to convict him for buying a stolen truck and then trying to register it? Yeah that screams guilt. Don't worry little brown buddy, I got you're back. NOT GUILTY!

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I'm guessing you mean you lied about your ability to be impartial in order to land that seat and its benefits, which include:

 

-The ability to deadlock your racist peers

 

-A useful stipend

 

-Authentic Italian lunches of breadsticks and noodle soup comped by the court

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Almost got on the jury of this dude who had a shootout with the cops.

To top it off, I kinda knew the guy too. Used to cop weight off him back when I went through my trying to sell weed faze.

They asked us all if we knew the guy and I said no cause (like Pffffft said) I wanted to be that one asshole to hold out for the boul.

I think dude blew up his own spot when he kept trying to make eye contact with me though, cause the judge had me pulled out and they threatened to lock me up for contempt for lying about something on my paperwork that I wasn't even lying about.

They told me to bounce and never come back for jury duty again.

Bitches didn't even give me that measly $9.00 check for missing work either.

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So I sat in the jury pool until about 4:00 then I got called in to the other courtroom. Now potential jurors had been coming out of there all day some of the girls in tears. They wouldn't tell us about it but, I knew it was something fucked up. I was not however, ready for this shit. Fucker was some kind of youth pastor and had molested 14 girls between the ages of 6-9 over a 3 year period. Dude looked like Napoleon Dynamites older brother. The creepy fucker was just sitting there with a smug look on his face. I couldn't bull shit when the judge asked me if I could be impartial. I told her "Personally I think you should just let me take him out to the parking lot so I can stomp the life out of him". I was excused...

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Well we all know what happens to child molesters inside.

Napoleon better work on his butt-clenching technique before he hits the showers, ain't no best-seller (bible) gonna save him now.

 

On a side note, is there anyone in here who hasn't been excused from jury duty?

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I got jury duty once. With my shaved head, Docs, 501s, and flight jacket (this was in 1996) I was the first one excused, no questions asked, by the defense attorney. And I'm not even a skinhead.

 

Then why the fuck were you dressed like one?

 

Oh.. I get it... just for the theatrics and to brag about it.

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Sums up what I was thinking.

 

Did Napoleon give any reaction when you said that??

 

Dude didn't even flinch, he knows that he will never see the inside of a prison cell. He will spend the rest of his life in some State mental hospital. Going to group therapy, taking good drugs, and living off tax dollars. Those creepers work the system to convince the doc's that they are "sick" and need help. Because they know as soon as the doc's pronounce them sane, their prison sentences start. Even then they are in PC (protective custody) 24/7, so the other inmates can't dispose of them.

 

A .22 to the base of the skull would be so much cheaper.

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Got called for it once ended up unlucky enough to get picked and shit lasted 2 days all because some bitch bit some people at a Christmas party and got drunk as fuck. Shit pay but my job paid me the day so it wasnt that bad just boring as fuck and downtown restaurant food.

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I served once, after that I reflected on the easiest way out and it occurred to me that the jury summons is not sent certified mail and is hence not a enforceable legal document unless recognized with a response. Got summoned a couple years back, tossed it in the trash and never heard again.

 

That said I do believe it is a good thing to do, with most educated people finding a way out of their civic duty it allows the jury pool to fill up with simpletons and ne'err-do-wells.

 

If you get comped by your employer it makes a big difference in how enjoyable the whole thing is.

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So Wednesday thru Monday you love cops?

 

fuck no

i have jury duty on tuesday

hence i will be telling them on tuesday i don't trust the testimony of an officer

it's one of the few things that can get a person out of jd in my crime-addled city.. for example, you have to have been not only convicted of a crime, but also have spent at least 6 months in jail in order to be excused bc you're a criminal.

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I think it would be a great benefit to our society if they required compensation for jury duty and fined people if they did not vote.

 

Add a mandatory two year civics/government couse in high school and I'd be okay with that. If people don't know why they're being induced to do things, they will act like me and do whatever they can to get out of it.

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