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im giving up on fisting

ANALPUDDING

By ANALPUDDING
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ANALPUDDING

ANALPUDDING

Posted
Posted

life has handed me nothing but shit. im done. my mother got out of jail tuesday, and shes already backto drinking. last nite we were fighting for 2 hours, finally i left with my shit. soon after, i called her boyfriend kenny(who we were staying with) and he said she too o ff. im sick of all tis. i try and try to make it work but it ends up like a retard trying to put a square block thru a circular hole.:( :( :( :( :( :(

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+JAZE+

+JAZE+

Posted
Posted

Re: im giving up on living

 

Self-esteem is bad. It makes you do bad things, like getting up out of bed (you'll use dwindling natural resources and contribute to pollution), eating (food that should be going to starving refugee orphans), going to work (continuing the oppression of billions) and thinking you are as good, if not better, than other people.

 

No one should have any self-esteem. Here are some tips to help lower yours to a point lower than whale shit on the bottom of the ocean. They work for me.

 

Ø Listening to the Swans. Side A of Greed (PVC 8949) is probably the single most effective self-esteem lowering collection of music ever produced. Sample lyrics will be interspersed throughout for those of you fortunate enough not to have access to a copy. With all the evil lyrics here, they work best when repeated to yourself over and over.

 

I'll lie to myself (x2)

 

I'll lie down here

 

I'll lie down beside you (x2)

 

I'll believe in myself

 

I'll believe in a lie

 

I'll cut off my right hand

 

and stand in your shadow.

 

I'll lie to myself (x2)

 

I'll crawl all over myself

 

and stand in your shadow.

 

I'll crawl all over myself

 

and stand in your arms.

 

Ø Chain smoking.

 

Ø Trying to sleep and failing.

 

Ø Drinking.

 

Ø Watching CNN, with the sound off, listening to Tool. The second most effective collection of music is Tool's Undertow (Zoo 72445-11052-2).

 

I am just a worthless liar

 

I am just an imbecile

 

I will only complicate you

 

Trust in me ... and fall as well.

 

I will find the center in you

 

I will chew it up and leave

 

I will work to elevate you

 

Just enough to bring you down.

 

Ø Smoking, drinking.

 

Ø Self-mutilation.

 

Ø Carving Swans lyrics into my thigh.

 

I hate my body.

 

I'm stuck in my body.

 

I'm nothing.

 

I'm nobody.

 

I'm stuck in myself.

 

Ø Pouring cheap scotch on the carving.

 

Ø Hanging up on unresponsive voice mail.

 

Ø Waiting for the tomorrow that never comes.

 

Ø Watching "I Spit on your Grave" and "Straw Dogs" with the sound off, listening to Foetus and Coil. Lyrically, Coil isn't all that good in lowering self-esteem. Foetus, in his various incarnations, is. I recommend Hole (Some Bizarre, Womb FDL 3), Nail (Some Bizarre Womb FIP 4) and especially Thaw (Some Bizarre, WOMB FIP 5)

 

Say a prayer

 

say a prayer

 

say a prayer

 

for my death.

 

I don't find it necessary

 

to take responsibility

 

bullshit is obligatory

 

daily life is dysentery

 

Escape this earthly Alcatraz

 

get out of this penitentiary

 

crawl out of this century

 

I could see eternity

 

I could see infinity

 

I could see the terminus

 

I need

 

release.

 

 

Ø Laying awake at 3:00 am going over every single mistake, misstep, misspoken word, missed chance, missed opportunity and assorted other miseries.

 

Ø Mirrors and photographs. Look at yourself. You are a fucking loser. Look at what you had and look at what you have now (if anything).

 

Ø Still no messages on the answering machine.

 

Ø Ever notice the absolutely fascinating patterns made by the blood from shaving accidents as it hits the water? Wouldn't a lot more be really spectacular?

 

Ø "We are all satires of our parents."

 

Ø Watching Salo, listening to Coil.

 

Ø Wanting and needing things you just can't ever have. Or ever have again.

 

Ø Every choice is incorrect.

 

ØTime for some more evil music.

 

Shit adds up (x3)

 

down at the bottom.

 

I'm shameless now

 

I'm nameless now

 

I'm nothing now

 

I'm no one now.

 

But my soul must be iron

 

for my fear is naked

 

I'm naked and fearless

 

and my fear is naked.

 

You see me naked now

 

empty now

 

nameless now

 

shameless now

 

It leaves me dead inside

 

Hatred keeps me alive

 

Emptiness keeps me alive

 

Weakness keeps me alive

 

Guilt keeps me alive

 

down at the bottom

 

where shit adds up.

 

Ø "Life sucks" represents two temporary conditions.

 

Ø Other fun activities include spending a day working up the nerve to ask someone out on something vaguely approaching a date, expecting rejection, getting rejected, and being terribly disappointed anyway.

 

ØThink about how happy you are in a parallel universe, where you didn't completely fuck up and are still married and own a nice house in Melbourne.

 

Ø Planning your gloriously spectacular, tri-state multicide spree. Read issue 2 of ANSWER Me! or any issue of Murder Can Be Fun for inspiration.

 

Ø Spend $2.00 a minute on phone calls to the local "alternative" weekly romance ads. Filter out all ads that have qualifications that you don't meet (e.g. "Tall", "Fit", "Non-smoking"). Make calls to a good statistical sample (i.e. more than 20). See how many don't even call you back. So far I'm beneath rejection for 95% of the eligible, date-seeking female population of the SF bay area. The other 5% were nice enough to reject me outright.

 

Ø Keep listening to evil music.

 

I'm your stupid child.

 

I'm your stupid naked child.

 

I'm your stupid helpless child.

 

I'm ashamed of what I am.

 

I like the way that feels.

 

I like the way that burns me.

 

I like the way that dulls me.

 

I like the way that cuts me down.

 

I'm your stupid child (x2).

 

ØRemy Martin for breakfast, Lagavulin for dinner. Or was it the other way around today?

 

I know where my money comes from

 

I'll do any thing for you.

 

Put your hand in my mouth

 

I'll force it down.

 

Force it down in me.

 

Put it in.

 

Take it out.

 

Take it out of me.

 

Take it out on me.

 

I know where my money comes from.

 

ØAll your feelings are invalid.

 

ØEverything you do is wrong.

 

ØNotice several personal ads that are rewrites of ones previously called. Come to the not-so-surprising conclusion of being utterly worthless. Henry Lee Lucas must be preferable as a date, because I'm certainly not.

 

Give me what I want

 

and all I can think about

 

is losing it.

 

I'm losing it.

 

Look at me and run away.

 

Stop talking you hurt me.

 

And I'm not afraid to die.

 

ØDrink lots of coffee. Not only will it aggravate depression, and make you depressed if you're jonseing for it, but thoughts will race through your head: all the stuff you should've done, but fucked up. Just like you will again. Plus it keeps you up at night, allowing you more time to drink more booze and remember how it was supposed to be

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T_R_O_N

T_R_O_N

Posted
Posted

Re: im giving up on living

 

life has handed me nothing but shit. im done. my mother got out of jail tuesday, and shes already backto drinking. last nite we were fighting for 2 hours, finally i left with my shit. soon after, i called her boyfriend kenny(who we were staying with) and he said she too o ff. im sick of all tis. i try and try to make it work but it ends up like a retard trying to put a square block thru a circular hole.:( :( :( :( :( :(

 

go start an emo band, u will be famous and grab teh massive loots with teh uber boots!:scrambled: :scrambled: :scrambled:

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earl broclo ESQ

earl broclo ESQ

Posted
Posted

Re: im giving up on living

 

i hate to break it to you, but a junkie is a junkie. if your mom is/was a heavy user, than chances are she will go back. are you a teenager? i'm only assuming this, because you're still depending on your mother for a roof. if you are a teenager, find a boys and girls club of america. talk to someone there.

 

http://www.bgca.org/

 

they might be able to point you in some kind of direction.

 

if you aren't a teenager, learn how to support yourself and move out now. if she keeps going back to the shit, than it's obvious who she chose in your relationship. that's fucked up to say, but i'm sure you've already realized this. i would say, focus on your own life now. you need to be fully fucking independent. step your shit up now, and i don't mean your bombing.

 

either way, it isn't worth jumping off bridges, you don't know what your future holds --or what you can possibly make of it. if you're still young, you've got many years to correct some wrongs, and get your shit together. just grow up quick and focus on educating yourself. stay in school fool. let go of any childish bullshit in your life right now and become an adult before your time. if you're support system is broken, than you need to support yourself. the change will be stressful, and drive you to the brink of suicide, but you need to keep going. it's cliche to say this quote but, "that what does not kill you, will only make you stronger." by killing yourself, you're showing how weak you are. don't be a fucking pussy!

 

good luck with all of this, and don't ever take your own life. it's not worth it. trust me, you'll hit fucking walls through out your whole life, but you'll also have those times that make it worth living through all of that.

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earl broclo ESQ

earl broclo ESQ

Posted
Posted

Re: im giving up on living

 

didn't you just post some big thing about how enlightened you are?

is this all part of it?

 

oh yeah, that's right. you got stoned and became enlightened. didn't you say you were quitting smoking that shit? if so, how's that going? i would highly recommend sobering up while you're going through this change. i say it all the time on here, but vices will only cloud the reality you're dealing with. when you sober up, the shit is still there.

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LIVERWURST*

LIVERWURST*

Posted
Posted

Re: im giving up on living

 

When you're no longer with us...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...can I have your computer?

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Edward Orenthal Norton

Edward Orenthal Norton

Posted
Posted

Re: im giving up on living

 

i hate to break it to you, but a junkie is a junkie. if your mom is/was a heavy user, than chances are she will go back. are you a teenager? i'm only assuming this, because you're still depending on your mother for a roof. if you are a teenager, find a boys and girls club of america. talk to someone there.

 

http://www.bgca.org/

 

they might be able to point you in some kind of direction.

 

if you aren't a teenager, learn how to support yourself and move out now. if she keeps going back to the shit, than it's obvious who she chose in your relationship. that's fucked up to say, but i'm sure you've already realized this. i would say, focus on your own life now. you need to be fully fucking independent. step your shit up now, and i don't mean your bombing.

 

either way, it isn't worth jumping off bridges, you don't know what your future holds --or what you can possibly make of it. if you're still young, you've got many years to correct some wrongs, and get your shit together. just grow up quick and focus on educating yourself. stay in school fool. let go of any childish bullshit in your life right now and become an adult before your time. if you're support system is broken, than you need to support yourself. the change will be stressful, and drive you to the brink of suicide, but you need to keep going. it's cliche to say this quote but, "that what does not kill you, will only make you stronger." by killing yourself, you're showing how weak you are. don't be a fucking pussy!

 

good luck with all of this, and don't ever take your own life. it's not worth it. trust me, you'll hit fucking walls through out your whole life, but you'll also have those times that make it worth living through all of that.

 

i was goin to post that..but yeah earl is right....if your old enough get out of there and never look back...ive had to go through some fucked up things in my life..and im still struggling with depression right now...but you have one life thats not worth ending at any cost...thank about the other people that care about you...do you want to cause them pain by loosing you? if not im here to be your friend...i got your back man...

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earl broclo ESQ

earl broclo ESQ

Posted
Posted

Re: im giving up on living

 

life is harsh see a whore and get a hug khed stop being so EMO.

 

i think people have to notice that this kid isn't being fucking EMO. this kid is going through some shit that is far the fuck from torn sweaters and girlfriends dumping you via text message. emo is when you can't get over a girl you dated for 2 weeks. emo is when you're hampster dies and you have a fucking burial with a gravestone, and cry for an hour, then write a poem about how the greatest things always end. emo is looking sad for no reason, and pouting after a compliment.

 

this dude's mother is a fucking junkie, he's obviously at a low because his support system is fucked, and he came here with a subtle cry for help. it wasn't like the dude wrote a suicide note when he started this thread. he's probably just looking for some advice and support. sure, channel zero isn't the best place to turn, but i wouldn't call this shit emo.

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XJONATHONX

XJONATHONX

Posted
Posted

Re: im giving up on living

 

i hate to break it to you, but a junkie is a junkie. if your mom is/was a heavy user, than chances are she will go back. are you a teenager? i'm only assuming this, because you're still depending on your mother for a roof. if you are a teenager, find a boys and girls club of america. talk to someone there.

 

http://www.bgca.org/

 

they might be able to point you in some kind of direction.

 

if you aren't a teenager, learn how to support yourself and move out now. if she keeps going back to the shit, than it's obvious who she chose in your relationship. that's fucked up to say, but i'm sure you've already realized this. i would say, focus on your own life now. you need to be fully fucking independent. step your shit up now, and i don't mean your bombing.

 

either way, it isn't worth jumping off bridges, you don't know what your future holds --or what you can possibly make of it. if you're still young, you've got many years to correct some wrongs, and get your shit together. just grow up quick and focus on educating yourself. stay in school fool. let go of any childish bullshit in your life right now and become an adult before your time. if you're support system is broken, than you need to support yourself. the change will be stressful, and drive you to the brink of suicide, but you need to keep going. it's cliche to say this quote but, "that what does not kill you, will only make you stronger." by killing yourself, you're showing how weak you are. don't be a fucking pussy!

 

good luck with all of this, and don't ever take your own life. it's not worth it. trust me, you'll hit fucking walls through out your whole life, but you'll also have those times that make it worth living through all of that.

 

This is horrible advice.

 

The only ftw option is suicide. Sorry :-/

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