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blood fart

two sack lunches, one semi-hot, and a herpes ridden cot

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It won't be the first time, and probably won't be the last.

Today I go to jail.

 

I have been tossing this plan around for about a year or so.

Just needing to take care of warrants.

So I can get a real job.

And get into bars.

And try being an adult for once.

 

It's just hard to be comfortable with turning yourself over to the police.

Knowing how shitty it will be.

Loud drunks.

Crying young girls.

Ignorant ghetto trash.

I fit in somewhere.

 

They always want to give me shit with my special vegetarian meal trays.

I want peanut butter and jelly instead of green bologna.

They think it is a ploy.

I just want to make it.

 

I fit in all the things I enjoy this weekend.

To give me something to look back and smile on.

While I lay in the stink pit and count down hours.

 

If all things go as planned, I will only have to do 8-9 days.

If only 2 warrants show up.

If their computers are working well, then I might get caught up in a month or more.

Bullshit tickets.

 

Either way.

I still have a few things to finish up around here.

And then I will be taking that trip.

Down to the Travis County Correctional Complex.

 

Have fun.

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I am hoping to at least be able to quit smoking out of all this.

Even though it has never worked before.

 

I am going to eat a ton of Codeine.

and try to sleep for a few days.

 

The only thing I take with me is my bad attitude.

 

I tried to eat some weed brownies and then turn myself in yesterday.

Then I realised I might get hungry in lock up.

ANd they don't have cats.

And petting cats is my fave.

So I put it off another day.

 

Now just to get motivated.

And head out.

 

This is going to be so boring.

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GTFO!!!!!!!

 

Hope that helps good luck get some wicked tattoos on your face like a boot nose or some crappy band on your cheeks while your in there

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I have never gotten a tattoo while in jail.

I don't think now will be the time to change that.

 

What I most likely will get out of this trip....

foot fungus.

no shoes in the shower.

oh noooes.

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Last time I turned myself in, I got psyched up about the fact that I could quit smoking.

Then I got in there and found out that Denton County is the last county jail in TX to allow you to smoke.

So I didn't quite.

 

Good luck BF. I'm sure you'll be out soon enough. If they even take you. If its just traffic tickets theres a real good chance they'll say "oh well, we really just want your money." And then they'll send you on your way. Texas jails are super full.

 

Either way, I have this thing about sending people in jail stuff. If you go, you'll be recieving things from me within a couple days.

 

Try to make the best of it.

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here's to wishing you a good cellmate and wearing pre-worn nasty granny panties.......

 

cheers bloodfart!!!

 

I tells em,

"Nah mang, I cain't be wearing those. They already done did had another lady's leaky parts up in em."

They give me new ones.

That are large enough for me to pull up into a cute little white cotton unitard.

I still have a pair around here from my last stint.

I think about mailing them out in a care package.

But always think it might be a little bit creepy.

 

It's all fine.

I can sleep for a month straight, if need be.

No problems, man. No problems.

 

VAJ- I am pretty sure they will take me in.

The last few times I got arrested, I had warrants.

I tell em I got a job and will arrange to make payments.

Then I get out.

And remember that I like spending my money on booze and nachos.

And not paying tickets for peeing in public or fighting or drunk in public or stealing wine.

So I don't pay.

I might luck out and get some community service hours.

They just always want to teach me a lesson.

It seems that by now they would notice that I don't learn from my past mistakes.

And sitting in jail is not going to change that.

They should just leave me alone.

And worry about real criminals.

LIke graffiti vandals.

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What?! Graffiti is a crime?! Dont tell my mom it would put a damper on her driving me me to the yards....

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I am going to narc out all my friends in exchange for them dropping my petty tickets.

like, I gotta look out for number one, you know.

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ehhhhhhhwwww...they make you wear old underwear!!!! grrrrrrrroooossssssssssssssssssssssss! thats fucking disgusting and should be illegal! ugh! gross!

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i thought they gave you thongs and tight boyshorts...at least thats what I see in all the videos i have seen about girl prisons...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

p.s. i only watch teh p0rnoz

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yes, they do. i even got a pair that were stained...they were washed, yet stained. i refused to wear them. luckily i got a new pair of triple velcro sneakers, they were awesome. my celly was a prostitute that's been in there 20 times. she took off her clothes from the waist down and washed her panties in the sink while telling me how she was in love with her John.

 

i didn't really eat.

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I've been to jail a time or two and I'v never been given undies.

In fact it really sucks if you don't wear panties. Ewe.

You can buy new ones if you want. But they're HUGE.

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you'll make it through man

just do pull ups all day and get jacked like a motherfucker

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You can't bring anything with you.

Except for STD's.

 

They recycle the undergarments.

I always make them give me new ones.

 

As sad as it is, there are guards that have basically seen me grow up.

Over the last 14 years.

In and out.

In and out.

They want to talk to me like we are old buddies.

I let them.

It makes things easier on me when they don't know I think they are shit.

 

The DMV is open until five or six.

I am going right before closing time.

As long as I get down there before midnight, it counts all the same as one day.

No point in rushing things.

 

I have some tofu marinating in peanut satay sauce.

That should be pretty good.

Then I think I am going to see if I have any weeds at all around here.

Scavenge.

Probably lay on the couch for a while.

Listen to some metal and thrash.

Take it easy.

 

I once had a Muslim for a roommate.

She was a total bitch.

And wouldn't let me wear my shoes in the room.

She had to get moved.

It just wasn't working out.

 

Another cell mate I once had got trampled by a horse when she was young.

She was a heroin addict and prostitute.

She thought we bonded.

I don't remember her name.

 

In prison, DJ Skrew's cousin was my cell mate.

She got the notice that he passed away.

And cried.

All black people are cousins.

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Guest

here i was thinking you were gonna say you were gonna serve like a year or some shit.

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BF gimme the address if possible I'll send you hollowed out books with kittens inside...

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