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The breakfast club.

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Richard Vernon: You're not fooling anyone Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you.

Bender: Eat my shorts.

Richard Vernon: What was that?

Bender: Eat... My... Shorts.

Richard Vernon: You just bought yourself another Saturday.

Bender: Ooh I'm crushed.

Richard Vernon: You just bought one more.

Bender: Well I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar.

Richard Vernon: Good, cause it's going to be filled. We'll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it. Instead of going to prison you'll come here. Are you through?

Bender: No.


Andrew: You ask me one more question and I'm beating the shit out of you.


Claire Standish: You know why guys like you knock everything?

John Bender: Oh, this should be stunning.

Claire Standish: It's because you're afraid.

John Bender: Oh God, you richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy into activities.

Claire Standish: You're a big coward.

Brian Johnson: I'm in the math club.

Claire Standish: See, you're afraid that they won't take you, you don't belong, so you have to just dump all over it.

John Bender: Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it?

Claire Standish: Well, you wouldn't know, you don't even know any of us.

John Bender: Well, I don't know any lepers, but I'm not going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs.

Andrew Clark: Hey. Let's watch the mouth, huh?

Brian Johnson: I'm in the physics club too.

John Bender: Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about?

Brian Johnson: Well, what I had said was I'm in the math club, uh, the latin, and the physics club... physics club.

John Bender: Hey, Cherry. Do you belong to the physics club?

Claire Standish: That's an academic club.

John Bender: So?

Claire Standish: So academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs.

John Bender: Ah... but to dorks like him, they are. What do you guys do in your club?

Brian Johnson: Well, in physics we... we talk about physics, properties of physics.

John Bender: So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?


Bender: Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says...

[the ceiling gives way]

Bender: Oh, *shit*.


Allison Reynolds: Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke, your birth date's March 12th, you're 5'9 and a half, you weigh 130 pounds and your social security number is 049380913.

Andrew Clark: Wow. Are you psychic?

Allison Reynolds: No.

Brian Johnson: Well, would you mind telling me how you know all this about me?

Allison Reynolds: I stole your wallet.


Andrew Clark: If I lose my temper you're totaled, man.

John Bender: Totally?

Andrew Clark: Totally.


John: Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy.


Andrew: What do you need a fake I.D. for?

Brian: So I can vote.


Claire Standish: What's your name?

John Bender: What's yours?

Claire Standish: Claire.

John Bender: Claire?

Claire Standish: Claire. It's a family name.

John Bender: Oh, it's a fat girl's name.

Claire Standish: Oh, thank you.

John Bender: You're welcome.

Claire Standish: I'm not fat.

John Bender: Well not at present, but I can see you really pushing maximum density. See I'm not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people: there's fat people that were born to be fat, and there's fat people that were once thin but became fat... so when you look at 'em you can sorta see that thin person inside. You see, you're gonna get married, you're gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, u


Andrew Clark: That's real intelligent.

John Bender: You're right. It's wrong to destroy literature. It's such fun to read. And

[examines title]

John Bender: Moe-Lay really pumps my nads.

Claire Standish: Moliere.


John Bender: Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk. You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful. Shut up bitch. Go fix me a turkey pot pie. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. Dad, what about you? Fuck you.


Bender: Claire, you wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantitis of the nuts? It's pretty tasty.

Claire: No thank you.

Bender: How does he ride a bike?

Bender: Oh Claire, would you ever consider dating a guy who looked like this?

Claire: Can't you just leave me alone?

Bender: I mean even if he had a nice personality and a cool car... although you'd probably have to ride in the backseat because his nuts would ride shotgun

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John Bender: So... So, are you guys boyfriend/girlfriend? Steady Dates? Lov-ers? Come on, Sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?

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