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blood fart

last night

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I am sure this will be too many words for most of you to read.

That won't stop me from writing it.

 

I get off work and head home.

It's payday, so I decide we should spend money.

 

Walk to the paint store by the house.

The girl at the store likes us.

She wants to talk to us about things she thinks we have in common.

Which really is nothing, but we don't tell her otherwise.

20 cans of Harbor Blue and Wildflower Blue for $20.

Most people would think that is super cool, because it totally is.

 

Head to Subway for sandwich dinners.

No photos.

Head back home and pick up the dranks.

 

My mother gave me a DVD of a documentary about hopping trains.

We watched that.

Or as much of it as I could take.

Hobos annoy me sometimes.

 

I went to the balcony to drink.

He joins me.

We talk.

A car comes tearing ass through the parking lot.

Bottoms out on the speed bump.

Careens out of control at a high speed.

Into the dumpster that sits directly infront of our apartment.

It knocked the dumpster off the raised pavement bank it sets on.

And knocked many pieces of the car off.

I say,

"OH NOES!!!"

They pull over a second.

I am assuming to be all like,

"DOODERZ!!! WTF??? YOU TOTALLY PWNED THAT DUMPSTER!!!111!"

As you can imagine, it was quite loud.

Mexicans started converging in the parking lot.

The car pulls away.

I am giggling hard.

I take a photo.

The camera's batteries die.

MExican dudes put the dumpster back up on the raised concrete slab.

No police were called.

 

I go inside to get another beer.

A foamy burp didn't work out as well as I was hoping.

So I vomited my veggie sandwich into the sink.

And turned on the garbage disposal.

Those things really come in handy at times like that.

Dude is all,

"WTF?? YO BREAF STANK!!!"

So I brush my teeth.

And get another beer.

 

The rest of the night was just typical bonding with the cats.

I sang some love songs to them.

And we curled up together.

I went to sleep.

 

Dude comes rushing in all excited.

Just to tell me that one of my crewmates is in town.

I tells him,

"It's late, what do you want me to do?Turn on my (crew) tracking device and traipse around the city searching for him?"

I got called an asshole.

And left to go back to sleep.

 

Not much later he comes back in.

He had been watching UFC all night.

And wanted to play wrestle around.

I was tired.

But agreed.

He wasn't playing around though.

And put me in a rear naked choke.

I almost passed out.

He asked me if I was going to tap out.

I say, "fuk you".

I try to walk away to the balcony.

He follows.

With apologies.

"You know I would never hurt you intentionally,right?"

"If you don't get the fuk away from me I am about to hurt you intentionally."

He doesn't listen.

I say things that if overheard, would make me sound like a street tough.

I meant every word.

Things don't really calm down.

I go to sleep.

And wake up to more apologies.

I don't accept.

 

The only thing left to do today is get super stoned.

And then lounge in the pool all day.

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Guest spectr

way to many words to read... I have been up for 24 hours drinking...

\

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Guest spectr

burlesque show tonight... flicks later...

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Bloody didn't your story of the other night have something about you telling a girl not to puke in the sink?

Shame on you.

I kid I kid.

It's totally different in your own place. I know.

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way to many words to read... I have been up for 24 hours drinking...

\

 

We get it.

You've been drinking for 24 hours.

You should make a thread about it...oh wait...

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i pictured everything you said.

just like i picture everything everyone says.

which is why i find everything funny.

i laugh in every conversation.

people think im laughing at them.

i am not.

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Guest spectr
We get it.

You've been drinking for 24 hours.

You should make a thread about it...oh wait...

 

haha.. I already did.... oh wait.....

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Bloody didn't your story of the other night have something about you telling a girl not to puke in the sink?

Shame on you.

I kid I kid.

It's totally different in your own place. I know.

 

She puked in a bathroom sink.

And clogged it up.

I puked in the kitchen sink.

And it got chopped up by the disposal.

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Crazy messicans.I actually foam burped into the trash can at the bar last night.Ha.

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your story sounds pretty normal to me. the only thing tbat deserved a thread would the car crash, but you dont even have pics. i could of told you a veggi sammich from subway would make you throw up. and i really could of done with out reading your account of it in detail.

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I was never informed that you own the internet.

 

I apologize for not leading a life that intrests you.

 

 

 

I didn't bring my camera with me.

Later today or tomorrow.

If the photo turned out.

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Guest

is that dvd called catching out?

 

 

you should send a nigga a copy,

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Yes it is.

If she still has it on her DVR, I will go make you a copy right now.

If not, you can probably just have mine.

I doubt I will ever watch it again.

 

 

I am supposed to be writing this book.

About myself and my life and my thoughts and bullshit.

But I am real lazy.

So I just keep waiting for someone to come out with a fancy invention that attaches wires to my brain and records my thoughts.

Until that time, I post words on the internet.

And hope that out of everything I write, a small percentage can be used in my book

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People that read books don't usually mind having to read sentences.

I think it will work out fine.

I am not the only person in history who finds it most comfortable to write this way.

Some of them have become famous.

And written dozens of books.

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it wasn't that long

 

here's what i got out of it:

messicans

beer

car hit dumpster

more messicans

ufc wrassling moves

domestic squabble

david schwimmer david_schwimmer.jpg

beer puke sink garbage disposal

 

not quite in that order

or with schwimmer

but fairly entertaining on a saturday evening

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