craziest thing a white person has ever stole from you

[heavyLox]

years ago i was house sitting...

this is right after there were some well publicized arrests in the city i lived in. I was well paranoid. I

get back to the apt i was staying in/watching to see it surrounded by police. So i bounced. After some

reality checking i realized no one knew where i was staying so it had nothing to do with me. I went

back, went in the front enterance and up the stairs to the apt. So i get in to the apt to see shit strune

all around. There was a break in. I quickly locate my illegal items, some of whihc were gone, not the

doe stash or the Highgrades. Stash that shit and the flicks lying all around, and head to the back

porch.

 

As soon as i get to the back porch im high with flood lights and told to throw my hands up and slowly

walk down to the parking lot. where im thrown to the ground and questioned about my relationship to

the apt. I had to be escorted up stairs and produce a piece of mail with my name on it before they

relaxed a bit.

 

It turned out there thieves had stashed all the goods they had yanked in the allyway and had been

scared off. So the on the scene detectives decided to call us all out to the stash spot and identify our shit.

 

in the process and heres where my getting yanked by whitie happens... I spot my scale box and my

low grade weed box; not so cool; so i kept picking shit that belonged to ole gil whos apt i was stying

trying to figure out how to clim my shit back with out an incident. In the process old boy from down

stairs decided it wuld be a good time to come up on some extra shit to make this ordeal a lil better

for him, so he trys to say some shit I knew for a fact (yes i was a snooper and in snooping i new the

box was ole girls and what was inside it) belonged to ole gilr. But home boy BMW doctor, say owe

yeah that tool box is his.

hev 'no its not'

WBDR 'yeah thats mine my wife bought it for me'

hev 'dude come on were all out shit but your really gonna try this now?"

srgnt DT 'sir is this yours or not?'

WBDR 'yeah its mine the wife bought it for me'

hevs no its not, i can tell you whats in it, can he?'

srgnt DT 'sir whats in the box?"

WDDR 'well i have been in there in a while'

So i run of a list of its contents. DT looks at ole boy and shakes his head and tells me to take it up to

the apt. Im ready to knock dude out. So i get the stereo computer and a 10 loads up 4 flights of stairs

back ino the apt. and all thats left are the stash boxes.

 

hev, 'yeah those belong to ole girl ill jsut take them up'

srgnt DT 'ah hev, whats in the boxes? lets have a look, oh this is marijuana and a scale!"

shit thats it, im fucked. the box gets opened and DT looks at me. long pause.

srgnt DT ' so let me try and piece this all together... these guys, lets call them bill and ted, break in

to the apts in the build.'

hev 'ok'

srgnt DT ' they are so relaxed and confident that they think after they are done with the robbing they

smoke a joint?'

hevs 'ok'

srgnt DT "but they want to be able to measure an exact gram and a half for their jint so they also

bring a scale'

hevs 'ok, wow they were good huh?'

srgnt DT 'yes they are good, so i bleive the boxes are ole girls so you can take them back'

fuck for real can it be that easy? hell no DT takes the weed pockets it and the scale and gives me the

papers and th empty boxes. 'have a nice evening hev!'

 

Great! So i get back up stairs and am reorganizing the shit i brought back into the house, when thers a

knock at the door. ALL of the police that were outside are now in the hall at my door. They say they

need a photo of me and all the stuff i reclaimed just in case when ole girl gets back from her trip if

theres an issue they have proof of what i got back. SO i have to re-collect all the shit in one area then

kneel behind it like its my posse and have a quick Polaroid taken. all the while this takes really one

officer to do, so the rest are freed up to poke around. they got really close to uncovering some hastily

stashed flicks and better weeds.

 

So all in all shit was mad nervous, ole girls man had a pound of mushie in the freezer, where i also

had some shit, tons of flicks lying around, shit was series of close calls.

 

all things considered white dudes are shisty and cool all in one. and i know srgnt DT went home and

got high as hell on me. fucker, but better then bookings.

 

college was a fun time. i highly recommend it!

[Harvey Wallbanger]

That's awesome.

[CALIgula]

its better to have the cop smoke ur shit rather than arrest u for the shit.

[Elorock]

You were going to punch him in the nose for stealing your porn? You are a homo...I have stolen porn before. It has been when I was drunk and I used it to go to other parties and secretly litter the place with nude pages aka me spitting loogies on the backs of pages and sticking them on the wall. I remember everyone being confused. If you came to me looking for your porn back I would tell you to go home and use your computer. Then when you turned to leave I would break a bar stool over your back...

 

Woah there tough guy. First off, it was a video. Second, it was the principle of the whole thing. I'd probably punch just about anyone who stole ANY off my shit. Third, this was over ten years ago. So in case your too young to remember, there was a time before the internet (and free porn). Fourth...no homo. And fifth, shut the fuck up.

[wry]

 

that needs to be the other way around.

[blood fart]

You can take what you want from me, but you can never take my dignity.

[CALIgula]

You can take what you want from me,

 

o rly?

 

 

...well i want that table you made! :)

[InnerCityRebel]

i will go on the record and say i helped a friend steal a leaf blower

[blood fart]

That sounds suspiciously Mexican.

[Theo Huxtable.]

i picture white people stealing hot dog buns.

 

i dont know why, i just do.

 

mainly the bored suburban white kids:

 

like "dude, i just totally scored these rad hot dog buns, what're we gonna do with em"

 

"awesome. dude, i don't know."

 

*flings buns to ground and steps on em*