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iLoveRamen

POST A JOKE

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k, post jokes.

 

i'll start it off.

 

 

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed, so he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine.

 

At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.

 

After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3:A M and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?"

 

She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

 

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. "Where the hell have you been?!?!"

 

"Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine.

 

I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."

 

"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"

She sees his hands are covered with powder and...

 

"You liar!!! You went bowling again!!!"

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A University of Michigan professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.

 

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

 

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

 

She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies".

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whats the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

 

you dont cum all over an apple before you take a bite out of it!!

 

DAMN NO I DIDN'T.......YES I DID!!!!

 

DEVIL20HORNS.jpg

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hahahahaha

 

I can't top that one Protocol...

 

What's the best thing about a 6 year old boy?

 

 

 

Turn em around & he's just like a 6 year old girl

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how does a redneck little girl know when her mom is on her period?

 

when her daddys dick taste different.

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Bacon and eggs walk into a bar together, the bartender stops them and says...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here.

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What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christopher Walken!

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Whats the best part about fucking twenty-six year olds??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

theres twenty of them!!!

 

/nofelony

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two fish are in a tank and one fish turns to the other and says how the hell do we drive this thing?!

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On a lighter note....

 

What do you call a black man flying an airplane???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A pilot you racist!!!!!

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i got some jokes but they all suck.

 

* edit

 

kind of like protocol's last one.

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How come Helen Kellar couldn't drive?

 

Because she was a woman

 

 

 

 

 

How come Stevie Wonder can't drive?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because he's blind you racist fuck

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and of course the classic!!!!

how do you stop a nigger from raping a white girl...........

 

 

give em a basketball!!!!

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DID YOU HERE ABOUT THE WHITE GUY THAT RAPED A BLACK GIRL................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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So an Irish man walks into a hotel, he says "I need a room", the door man replies "We're full we have no rooms", the Irish man then says "I don't care if ya have to put me in the hall way, I just need a place to sleep". The door guy says "Well we have one room but theres a problem with it", "I don't care, I just need to sleep" The doorman hand him the key and doesn't hear a word all night. The next morning the Irishman comes down, "Thank you sir, I slept like a baby" The doorman replies "you didn't have a problem with the flies? No one else would take the room because of the flies in the room!" "No, I bunched 'em", the doorman confused "You bunched them?" "Yeah, I shat in the corner!"

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bathroom

 

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall

saying: "Hi, how are you?"

 

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the rest-room but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

 

And the other person says: "So what are you up to?"

 

What kind of question is that? At that point I'm thinking this is too

bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

 

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear

another question. "Can I come over?"

 

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

 

Then I hear the person say nervously... "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

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Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua.

As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."

The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."

They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.

The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."

The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"

The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."

The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."

The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought, "What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.

Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."

The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"

The woman with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a f*cking Chihuahua?!"

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