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META

depression... inspired by chickenbone

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i thought i would start a new thread because chickenbone said his situation was resolved. that rules man! but that still leaves the rest of us with shit on our backs. i have had lots of experiences with suicide. my mom tried to kill herself multiple times, my best friends mom killed herself, my pseudo-girlfriend almost killed herself till i talked her out of it... and then there is me. 3 attempts and counting. ive been thru some hard fucking times. im not saying all this to try to get people to feel bad for me, but i wrestle with this shit everyday and a GOOD amount of the time i seriously want to die. i know that its stupid and its a really weak thing to do, but when i get in those moods, none of that logic means shit. its been a week since i hurt myself but thats just because people started noticing. i have to go to a shrink once a week. i figure if im going to try to end it again, id better not fuck it up because there would be consequences- probly hospitalization, and its attributed shame and guilt. i dont know why im writing this. i guess its because i dont like attention from people who know me, but on here were all equals, and we dont have to look eachother in the eyes.

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Guest GorbortOrman

I've thought about it alot. I would go for a gun, if there was no gun, I'd try and find pills to O.D. on, but im in a happy state right now. Usually I get depressed in the winter...

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

I would, of course, choose death by boogie hands, but it appears not to be an option on your list. Beer,

 

El Mamerro

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"it aint no secret im depressed,been that way since biggie caught bullets in the flesh" true boogie

 

i would go with the gun..seems like the most logical choice

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fuck a gun.. that's like a sucka.

go for the building.. you get a thrill. and you get to fuck w/ madd people... do it during rush hour, and hold up madd cats.. they'll be all pissy and complaining, and then feel like chumps cause you're dead.

 

or carbon monoxide.... just fall asleep and never wake up.

 

but chemicals dont cure depression... simply the symptoms

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Originally posted by Vanity

but chemicals dont cure depression... simply the symptoms

 

so true.

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i might spark a whole lot of controversy here, andI don't mean to trivialize real experiences, buttt.....

how do you "try" to commit suicide. I think if I REALLY wanted to die, I would just die, and i don't see how hard it is to do that. Every time I walk into the street I could choose to die and throw myself into a car or something....

it just SEEMS to frinky that unless you don't really really want to die, like you have doubts, then it shouldn't be that hard to kill yourself.

just a thought.

enlighten me and prove me wrong.

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re: frink

 

when i have tried in the past i cut myself pretty deep, but not deep enough i guess. i bleed for a few hours but it didnt kill me, and i was too afraid of going to the hospital. i guess i could have just kept going deeper and deeper, but you get to this weird numb mindset that i cant explain. then i just passed out.

 

...so you wake up and pull your collar up to face the cold again.

pray it was all a dream maybe. i dunno. i guess im just weak.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

goddamn this voice in my head-- nin

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well frink...mine is sort of like demos situation. i would slit my wrists, vertical, horizontal, whatever and just go to a place where i thought people would never look. luckily, my girl friend at that time cared a whole lot, and would always check up on me, right in the middle of bleeding all over and and almost passed out from prescription medicine.

 

though, it would be a lie to say that i didnt have any doubts, of course i did, but i didnt act on the doubts, and allowed stuff to go further...i was fucked, as of no i still am to a degree, and realize i was wrong.

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Originally posted by Vanity

but chemicals dont cure depression... simply the symptoms

aaaahhhh...but thats the best part!!! im chemically dependant until the day because of something i was born with!!! thats awesome!!!:)

 

god....just thinking about the concept of that makes me want to shoot myself....

 

not really but still....

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i feel the need to clear somthing up. i dont have any disorders or anything that causes me to be depressed, just went threw some hard times, and friends and controled drug abuse helped me straighten my shit out.

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like i said, i didn't mean to disrespect or trivialize anyones problems. But do you guys understand what I mean? Thanks for sharing your stories....

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Howabout train death. just the other night me and my friend were at the layupski and after a train sped by i mentioned how bad you would die if you got hit by one of those fuckers. You really dont realize it until you are standing 10 feet from the tracks.

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hmm personally, if im going out, im making the most of it: tall building, id want to feel that falling feeling before i black out, which may be better, id black out before i was anywhere near contact on the pavement, the bad thing is that it would be very messy, i dont want to leave a big mess, hence not going for the gun or anything of the such, or prescription drugs because id just puke alot and go...dying in my own pile of filth would be disgusting yet somewhat fitting/ironic. i just kind of feel like my life as of now is going downhill fast, i dont want to get into alot of specifics but i dunno, i dont forsee any real future for myself and sometimes i really wish i would die, the thing is that im too scared to go through with it, i just do stupid shit now like walk through traffic without looking, i think thats how id want to go maybe, just get killed, that way i dont have to lie in a pile of my own blood/puke. im cursed by my mind and think about things i dont want to, i dont care about anyone really i dont think, for those of you whove read catcher in the rye, i kind of feel the way that holden feels about everyone being fake, and i hate that the world is like that and i dont want any part of it, i dont trust people usually, i dont like meeting people alot of times, and i just feel like everyone is bullshitting me and i wake up and go to bed thinking "whats the point of getting up?" and "what, if anything, did i REALLY accomplish today?" no one is special, everything that i was fed in my youth about being "special" was bullshit, were bred to fit a mold and live a predestined life whether we know it or not, i hate that, i hate this, i hate everyone, i often hate my life. goodnite.

 

sorry, kinda went off on a tangent there, just wanted to get it all said.

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Hey Fred, fuck that rehab shit

Cause I don't know if I want peace that bad

Seems that I'm so comfortable, uncomfortable and sad

But everybody else gets so damn mad

 

Objects in the mirror are closere than they apprear

I look half dead from here and I need bread for beer

There probably discovering my empty bed about now

No turning back, oh my God

I turn up the radio, rain smackin' the window

 

 

 

 

I'm the Mario inside the super Nintendo

Can't hide when your sick

And the chemicals are holding the joystick

 

 

 

 

Hey Fred, fuck that rehab shit

Cause I don't know if I want peace that bad

Seems that I'm so comfortable, uncomfortable and sad

But everybody else gets so damn mad

 

Vegitation euforic hope, I'm graspin

Walkin' out the mathadone clinic

Fuck it, I'm relapsin'

Geeked up on more snow than Aspen

Lookin' for fudge ripple I got my rig

Life is good, oh how you fig

Pump up my dose to tripple

Main line noddin' out fallin' on my spine

CC's and cheap wine back to the land of the blind

Rewind, opium dens knockin' out brain cells

In the tens of thousands

Hookers and junkie hens and shitty housin

How arousing, day siz in the desert

On a horse with no name

Gradual suicide but whose to blame

I guess it's nobody's fault, I'm just lame

Nothin' stops cause if I'm headed back to Detox

I'm drinkin' Clorox

 

Hey Fred, fuck that rehab shit

Cause I don't know if I want peace that bad

Seems that I'm so comfortable, uncomfortable and sad

But everybody else gets so damn mad

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That was Rehab by the way

 

As for anti depressants

 

They dont 'cure' symptoms..they build up seratonin, dopamine etc..balance chemichals, etc

 

Taking the pills isnt going to make you all bright eyed and cheery, its to help your brain get balanced.

 

Unless you are doing quick fix drugs that put you in any form of euphoric state. which im my humble opinion is utterly useless and deadly. but comfortable. anyways.

 

I know my spelling is horrid byt its 5:18 am and yeah. :dazed:

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helium.... don't forget helium.you just hook that shit up to your face, lay down, pass out, and die.. doesn't hurt anybody else, it's painless, no mess, cheap, and environmentally friendly! woohoo! just don't let anyone wake you up, or you'll have brain damage. but since helium is not an option, i'll just choose to shoot myself in the face.

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girl interrupted is the best movie on the planet

 

and winona ryder and angelina jolie are fucking beautiful.

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this is a bad topic right now.

A building is out of the question because I hate heights.

I'd never be able to pull a guns trigger.

I'll go for the pills in true female style.

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if i was definately gonna kill myself i would bomb the fuck out of everything, ide go for the heavens. hit shit i had only dreamed about. i would do that until i couldnt take it, then i would jump off a building...

 

it would be glorious in a wicked depressing way.

 

i have thought about that alot, but luckily i have been looking straight ahead to the future recently...

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