funny craiglist posts

[iloveboxcars]

obese cats are nasty, they cant groom themselves properly so pretty much all of their hair, other than their front paws, shoulders and face are all greasy.

 

stop being fat and i'll hate you even less.

[rental]

obese cats are cute and hilarious.

[rental]

ga-ross. my cat made some serious doo doo. i can smell it from the desk. gah!

[Abracadabra]

i'm glad i'm not home right now

[iloveboxcars]

they are pretty funny, but i still dont want to touch them.

[roadpig]

AAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA....die bitch!!

so i go on Craigslist (looking for lubb in all the wrong places) and i spy a post by some sorry whore and decide to send her a fucked up email, here is her first post...

 

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Are you that awesome guy that won't mind me laying on the couch all day watching whatever the hell I want on tv whilst drinking 3 bottles of reasonably priced wine and smoking the occassional joint? Well I'm your woman!

 

I'm giving you my best stuff here... I don't weigh 350, I'm not gonna steal the tv I'm watching and sell it for crack. I hate Disney movies and I refuse to line dance. Birds freak me out and so do people that go to Ren Fairs

 

+++++++++++++++

 

and here is my email to that skank.

 

+++++++++++++++

 

Hello,

 

I'm an older gentleman living in the area. I am

single, no kids, in my mid-40s and never married. I

have a very good career and a very big house to show

for it. The problem is, I have no one to share it with

me. I have dated numerous woman and none have been as

straight forward as you. I am willing to accept your

bargain as long as you can accept MY terms of the

agreement. First, I would like that you wake me up

with a sloppy blow job as I wake up with morning wood

on a daily basis. After you finsih gargling my cum and

swallowing it, I would like you to make me some

breakfast, in your underware, no wait, in the nude.

When I get home from a hard days work, I will expect

to be greeted with a smile and sloppy drunk blow job,

since you've been sucking down my case of "two buck

chuck" all day long. After I've eaten the HungryMan

dinner you whipped up for me, I will expect you to

draw me a warm bubble bath and scrub the cumm you

didn't swallow, off my nutsack. Once I've finished

with my bath I would like you to lay in bed fully

naked, spread eagle and wait for me to stab them guts

like Jack the Ripper, because I'm gettin my moneys

worth. So, to answer your question, YES, I will

support your wine guzzling lazy flabby ass, as long as

you can agree to the above terms.

 

Thanks,

-W

 

++++++++++++++++++

 

she didnt reply BUT, when i went back to find her post to post it on here, i found a new post by her. same verbage but updated...bahahahaha...

 

++++++++++++++++++

 

Whoever flagged me- STOP IT! Are you jealous of my witty banter? You should be! Now leave my post alone and I'll leave your Hallmark poetry card-post alone, you lonely turd!

 

For my fans...

Are you that awesome guy that won't mind me laying on the couch all day watching whatever the hell I want on tv whilst drinking 3 bottles of reasonably priced wine and smoking the occassional joint? Well I'm your woman!

 

I'm giving you my best stuff here... I don't weigh 350, I'm not gonna steal the tv I'm watching and sell it for crack. I hate Disney movies and I refuse to line dance. Birds freak me out and so do people that go to Ren Fairs. Furthermore, I'm not 250lbs either, so don't ask me that. If you're gonna send me psycho messages about Jack the Ripper- I'm gonna turn you in.

 

That is all, continue your regular Craiglist adventures... and if you find that jerk that flagged me, you let me know!

 

++++++++++++++++

 

fuckin skank! if anyone else wants to fuck with someone. btw, i didn't flag her.

 

pers-337054409@craigslist.org