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dosa312

Happy Sunday :P

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I once found myself standing in front of the mirror and imagining myself as Stephen Hawking in a wheelchair fight with Christopher Reeves... the whole thing turned out not nearly as funny as I thought it would be... it turns out I'm allergic to wool the suit was made of and ended up looking like Ron Howard with the measels... and the lawn chair I was sitting in as a wheelchair folded up collapsing on me while I tried to slide it across the carpet acting like I was rolling.... which; upon collapse; resulted in me being jammed in the back of the throat with the bic pen casing I was using as a straw for authenticity... you know.. because superman had to blow in that straw to move. I also broke my Mr. Microphone I was using to make my Steve Hawking voice in the fall which caused a real load squeel to come out of my radio channel 89.7 (the tuner frequency for Mr. Microphone) upsetting my dog because it was so high pitched. She flipped out (my white pekinese named chichi) and ran face first into the bird cage knocking it over and releasing my mackaw who then flew over and landed on my head... so I reached up and removed the carrier pidgeon note from her claw... opening it and reading the note, "That's what you get for making fun of handicaps."

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right when i get to the second sentence, a huge turd plops out of my ass. i think it was a message.

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i made a post on here several years ago influenced by alcohol and ambien.

 

it involved a man standing in a lake. helicopters, mario from the mario brothers. zelda and a whole bunch of seemingly random shit.

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Today you’re going to be walking down an alley looking for someone to party with when you'll spot two kids who have trapped a skinny gray cat in a corner. You’ll hang back for a second just to see if they’re gonna do anything funny to the cat, then you’ll be horrified when they take out a book of matches and a hairspray can. One of the kids will light a match, then he’ll send a stream of hairspray through the flame trying to make a blow torch aimed at the cat. Luckily the spray will just blow out the flame and end up spraying the cat’s fur with hairspray. You’ll run over to stop them.

 

“Hey kids,” say. “Setting cats on fire is wrong!”

 

One of the kids will ask, “Why is your head bleeding?”

 

You’ll say, “What?”

 

The other kid will ask, “Oh my God are you gonna die?”

 

You’ll say, “What?”

 

The kids will look at you for another second, scared. Then they’ll look at each other and run away. You’ll drop to your knees in front of the cat, woozy. You’ll touch your fingers to your head and feel the blood pouring down from your scalp. You’ll try to remember if you got into a fight or got jumped, but nothing will come. Then everything will go black and you’ll fall forward onto the ground. The stray cat will step across your back and walk away, its fur held perfectly in place.

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Every time a commercial for this new movie, "The Reaping" comes on it makes me want to vomit whilst smashing the television with a brick. I don't know if its Hillary Swanks stupid fucking face or the ultra irritating pitch line, "What hath God wrought?" but I feel obligated to kill every time I'm reminded of it.

 

/end rant.

 

edit - its probably hillary swanks stupid dyke face.

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We should make a choose your own adventure thread where each turn is written by somebody different than the last... that could go on for a long ass time...

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Deep in the rainforests of africa lives a baby crab named casek . casek loves fucking in the trees and eating niggas all day long! casek 's family helps to watch for pus-filled predators like slugs . It can be very ugly living in the forest, so everyone watches out for everyone else. But one day, casek wandered too far away from the others while playing. " NIGGA! !" thought casek . A(n) black squirrel lurked behind a tree, and wanted to have casek for dinner! But casek 's mother came to the rescue, and scared the squirrel away! That day casek learned that when you're a baby crab in the forest, you better stay close to home. After such a(n) smelly day, casek fell into a deep sleep that night, and dreamt of playing again the next day!

 

 

edit: YAY!

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:lol: Word... Im with that... Im not sure if being on PBS is gonna make it really dope or really whack... Probably a little of both.

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"Bitches! !" said eastbaypiratehouse , "I forgot to tell casek where I live! I hope she/he can find the way!" But it was too late. casek was already lost deep in the fart-like forest. "What do I do?" casek questioned out-loud. But only a/an cat on a stump nearby seemed to answer. It made a loud SQUISH and casek fucked . It was growing dark, and eastbaypiratehouse was growing scared. When all of a sudden, from behind a tree came a sound like bitches fucking ! It was the dog that lived under eastbaypiratehouse 's porch eating its negro's ! casek cleverly decided to follow the dog back home. Later, casek said, "If it wasn't for the dog , I would still be fucking around in the woods!".

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Deep in the rainforests of Africa lives a baby Donkey named MAR . MAR loves Poking in the trees and eating Iams all day long! MAR 's family helps to watch for watering predators like Bullfrogs . It can be very sniffing living in the forest, so everyone watches out for everyone else. But one day, MAR wandered too far away from the others while playing. " HUZZAH! !" thought MAR . A(n) Plaid Salmon lurked behind a tree, and wanted to have MAR for dinner! But MAR 's mother came to the rescue, and scared the Salmon away! That day MAR learned that when you're a baby Donkey in the forest, you better stay close to home. After such a(n) Fornicating day, MAR fell into a deep sleep that night, and dreamt of playing again the next day!

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While in Africa a few years ago searching for the rare burberry plaid ardvark . Dosa Rock , a world-renown wildlife film-maker, came across a great discovery -- the ardvark uses its Tail for swarming lemons ! Capturing this on film was difficult. At first, the ardvark was very ransacking . One day, Rock approached the ardvark with some lemons . The ardvark ran away with the lemons in its Tail! " SHOO!! ! I must get that on film!" cried Rock , who went to get the movie camera from the tent. When Rock returned, the ardvark had slapped the lemons ! Before Rock had a chance to film anything, this creature had used its Tail to creep the lemons straight into the lens of the camera! Creatures do the most desheveled things! It's a good thing Dosa Rock kept trying -- now the world can see it for themselves!

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An Odd Animal

 

The casek von-caseksteinmanberg is an animal that has black fur with white spots on its cock and balls. Its tail is shaped like a(n) dogs which it uses to blowing churches. An adult casek von-caseksteinmanberg may weigh more than 4,000,000 pounds and stand over 2,000 feet high.

 

The casek von-caseksteinmanberg can be found only in uruguay and zimbabwe. Although its favorite food is ducks, it also likes to eat frogs. If you ever see a(n) casek von-caseksteinmanberg, be sure not to ever sing “dooky love.” That song makes it red. Instead, give it a few ducks and be on your way.

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Westward Ho!

natalie from the facts of life and gummy venus de milo had a sleepover at natalie from the facts of life's house last weekend. Both had a lot of fun. The girls played a lot of games, but their favorite one was “Cowgirl,” since they both like riding horses so much. They pretended they were cowgirls in the Old West.

 

They changed their names to Buckaroo natalie from the facts of life and Cowpoke gummy venus de milo, with their trusty horses, Rupert Von Humpinleg and Super Dude the 4th grade dead hamster. They ran around the house, herding Ottomons instead of cattle, yelling “Get along little doggies!” They practiced their roping skills, using belts and chasing the fainting lamb around the house. Luckily, the fainting lamb was too smart for them and hid under the couch!

 

Their favorite activity was singing cowgirl songs that they mostly made up as they went along, which is why they don't rhyme.

 

“Get along little robot chicken,

you move way too slow?.

We have to get to Sweden in the north of Idaho!

We have 1,402 head of Albino bat

to move way out West,

but you're moving too slow,

you are such a pest!”

 

They decided to have more sleepovers and to practice their cowgirl skills, especially their cowgirl song-writing!

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Its a make your own random story thread, etc. Check Casek's links for generators or make your own... the generators are pretty good as you can see above XD

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My neighbors now hate my guts.

 

So I was having a bondfire in my backyard with a few friends. We decided it would be fun if we made smores, so we got some marshmallows and started roasting them, when we heard some sirens coming from next door. We walked over to see what was going on and I saw my neighbors wife crying in her husbands arms while the firemen tried to put the fire in thier house out. Then she looked up at us and gave us the dirtiest look I have ever seen. Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....

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Froggy Adventure

Once upon a time there was a hairy frog named tango . This frog was very bored so he decided to go on a masculine adventure in search of the great erection kitten.

 

So tango packed some kittahs and a favorite desk and then he decided he needed to pounding his butt. But, by the time he was finished, he realized it was raining beaches and lamps outside.

 

'Oh No!', cried tango , 'If I go now I will get all moronic!'

 

So he decided to stay at home and have some homerhol in front of the paint instead.

 

 

The End.

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