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lord_casek

Why the Nice Guy Fears Approaching Women

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an interesting article i found on digg. i know alot of you must have problems with women since so many threads pop up around here about it.

 

i might throw in some more infos on NLP and such if there is an interest.

 

enjoy:

 

In the past, I was the nicest guy in the world. That was my M.O. I was nice with everyone.

All the time.

I always put people ahead of me.

I think I could have gotten a gold medal in the Nice Olympics.

I did it because it made me feel good about myself.

I had my first real relationship with a woman when I was 18 years old. It lasted two years.

This is very sad and disturbing for me to admit, but even though I really wanted to break things off with her, I stayed with her for a year longer JUST BECAUSE I FELT GUILTY.

I thought that this girl NEEDED me. I wanted to be a good person. I wanted to HELP her. I felt like I was being there for her, although I knew that ultimately I needed to break up with her.

After that mess of a relationship ended, I became best friends with a girl who was severely depressed. I felt like I was helping her. Although she was gorgeous, I didn’t really like her as anything more than a friend. She was obsessive and depressive and that was a turn off.

But I was best friends with her. We would talk for hours on the phone almost every day. She would go from guy to guy obsessing over why he didn’t like her. And I would be there for her as a friend.

I would try to help her figure it out. Of course, I enabled her obsession and made it even worse without me knowing it. But I felt like a saint. I felt like I was truly doing something good for somebody, even though I wasn’t happy. The relationship lasted years.

Being a nice guy was integrally tied to my self-esteem. Everywhere I went, I would put others ahead of me. I eventually read a life-changing book called Codependency No More. It taught me how to be responsible for my happiness and not other people’s.

If you have the terminal Nice Guy disease, this book is a great place to start to get over some of that. It helps you to understand boundaries within relationships and how caretaking too much can be detrimental to everyone involved.

But how is this related to pickup and approach anxiety?

katiecab2.jpgWomen are turned off by the nice guy. While most healthy women don’t want someone who is going to be mean to them, there’s a difference between being kind and being a disgusting wussy.

In my first relationship, I was a disgusting wussy. You know that guy, the one who says “Is everything okay with you? Are you sure? Are you really really sure?”

He avoids conflict at all costs. He wants everything to be smooth. Not only does this person lack honesty in the relationship, but he lacks all backbone and any thoughts and feelings of his own. He’s a wet blanket, not a person.

I was the nice nice nice guy. And I also had huge approach anxiety. These two are related.

Part of approach anxiety is a strong tendency to avoid conflict. You don’t want to BOTHER the girl. You wouldn’t be able to handle it if you did something to make her not like you.

Or if, God forbid, you creeped her out? It would take you weeks to get over it.

It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realize that relationships are about two independent people coming together out of strength rather than out a of desire to feel good about helping some other person.

Being super nice can kill attraction in seconds. Attraction is based on a push/pull. A bit of teasing. Show the girl that you are willing to lose her. Make her take responsibility for her half of the interaction. She wants to be challenged!

Instead, the nice guy wears insecurity on his sleeve without knowing it. He sees it as a badge of honor for why he doesn’t succeed with women. He clings to it to cover the pain of failure.

It’s good to be nice to women. But hoping that meekness will attract women is a fallacy. Niceness on this magnitude is read by women as overcompensation for not having balls. It is overcompensation for not being willing to take true risks.

Want to get out of Nice Guy Land? Try taking a few risks.

Try saying “Ewww” every once in a while when the girl says something, just to keep it interesting.

Try teasing her. Lovingly call her a brat or a nerd. “That’s so cute, you’re such a dork!”

When you throw in some spice like this, it shows you aren’t a yes man, but a true human being that can interact with her, call her on her shit sometimes, and give her a spank on the ass when she’s been bad.

She’ll love you for it.

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Nice guys finish last?

 

when it comes to women, they do.

 

unless she's the dominating kind who likes a pushover guy.

that way, you are also fucked. that's not a cool thing to be involved in.

 

dominatrix.JPG

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this really wasn't informative at all, call her a dork? spank her when she's bad?

 

fuck outta heaaa.

 

i'll think about reading the book tho.

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this really wasn't informative at all, call her a dork? spank her when she's bad?

 

fuck outta heaaa.

 

i'll think about reading the book tho.

 

i think what he meant was "don't be afraid to talk a little shit"

it keeps them guessing.

 

 

about "the game": it's a weird book. neil strauss fucked himself by exposing the secrets in the book. alot of people didn't want that shit out.

 

however, it is a good book. it will change your life. even if you're good with women.

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ya im downloading them.

 

i get what you mean, i was deffinatly taking it way to literal.

 

i actually started to read the beginning of the codependency book, atleast what they let you read on amazon (the first 3 pages) and what that bitch is going though, well i'm not a bitch but as far as that staying in bed sleeping shit that shit's me through and through, thinking about picking that up as well.

 

i don't have an account for demonoid, and it won't let me register? sucks..

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If you found that article even the slightest bit informative or helpful you are clearly doomed to a life of choking the chicken.

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Guest R@ndomH3ro
If you found that article even the slightest bit informative or helpful you are clearly doomed to a life of choking the chicken.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHA

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ya im downloading them.

 

i get what you mean, i was deffinatly taking it way to literal.

 

i actually started to read the beginning of the codependency book, atleast what they let you read on amazon (the first 3 pages) and what that bitch is going though, well i'm not a bitch but as far as that staying in bed sleeping shit that shit's me through and through, thinking about picking that up as well.

 

i don't have an account for demonoid, and it won't let me register? sucks..

 

 

yeah, it's hard to read some of the pick-up-artists writings. i can tell right off that this guy is certified PUA.

 

forgot to mention: don't worry about the co-dependency book right off, read "the game". it's a good way to work yourself into the confidence thing.

 

i even gave you the link to the audio book. now you can lay in bed and listen to strauss' book.

 

here's strauss on kimmel live (w/ jessica alba)

 

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7955135786830905802&q=neil+strauss&hl=en

 

and on "the view"

 

this guy is a dipshit, he was one of the best PUA's for awhile.

 

as for the "doomed to choking your chicken" comment from frankiefiver: dude, you would be very surprised about the shit that works.

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i dont need girl advice from casek at all.

 

because you're gay?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ZING!

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i WISH i'd meet a nice guy.

 

shit.

 

 

 

we all just want in your pants.

 

 

 

 

 

this complex has been brought to you by the letter pdMTDRS0024.jpg

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rumpuncher said this once. great quote A woman actively pursued by a man will instinctively become defensive. A women pursuing a man will always be successful.

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we all just want in your pants.

 

 

 

 

 

this complex has been brought to you by the letter pdMTDRS0024.jpg

 

fuck your "R"!

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is there a way to download that book if you're not registered to that site?

it says they're not accepting new members without an invitation code

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Its a well know fact that confidence and being an asshole works. Just remember to drop a compliment now and then and broads wont know what to think......

 

 

Oh and about NLP theres some good write ups on the brainsturbator.com library.

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