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Shit you get away with at work


Lew Blum

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I guess the first, most obvious thing is looking at a message board about graffiti, although its been some time since ive done this. I dont have much crazy stuff to share. It usually involves eating as much free food as I possibly can and not working. I used to catch tags all day long while working as a bike messenger cause that shit can be slow as hell some days.

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I used to work at this spot where all we did once the boss left was get stoned and drunk... shit was great.. the boss actually came in and found me playing playstation and drinking beer one night... somehow I didn't get fired I actually got a raise out of the deal...

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At my old sales job when we had good weeks the boss would bring beer and we'd booze it up all day.

 

Sales actually would rise on booze fridays...

 

There were only 6 sales people so if we had a huge sale. Like a 100,000 dollar commision, then we'd just go nuts on Friday, caters and kegs and wine for the ladies...

 

But we weren't really getting away with anything.

 

I was also known to bring 40s in on regular days and no one would say anything.

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dont even get me started on abercombie and fitch tales. i shit in a paper bag and tossed it into the canoe that hangs from the ceiling, would play slayer over the soundsystem at work, fuck girls in the dressing rooms while on the clock, and punch in, rack shit, take money out of the registers and roam around the mall aimlessly, sneaking into movies, eating burritos... all the while collecting paychecks for "working."

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I tell my boss about shit blasting the handicap bathroom known as the executive sweet.

 

I assign interviews to girls who I think sound hot regardless of of a shitty resume. I openly encourage the hiring of beautiful women as morale boosters in meetings.

 

I curse at people and blame the pregnant girl near me when I fart.

 

I come to work with retarded hangovers because my Irish work ethic will not allow me to call in sick, but it also will not let me stop drinking.

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