buckfiftyexports Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Honoring those who improve the species by accidentally removing themselves from it,... thereby ensuring that the next generation is one idiot smarter. http://www.darwinawards.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckfiftyexports Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Stubbed Out 2006 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (17 April 2006, England) There's always someone who thinks good advice doesn't apply to him. For example, if a doctor advises that the one thing you must not do is go near a flame, as you are going to be covered wtih a flammable material, most people would take this advice onboard, and not strike a match until the flammable material has been removed. However, Phillip, 60, knew better than his doctor. Philip was in the hospital to treat a skin disease, said treatment consisting of being smeared in paraffin-based cream. Philip was warned that the cream would ignite, so he definitely should NOT smoke. But he just couldn't live without that cigarette." Smoking was not permitted anywhere on the ward, but Phillip took this setback in stride, and sneaked out onto a fire escape. Once he was hidden, he lit up... inhaled... and peace descended as he got his nicotine fix. Things went downhill only after he finished his cigarette, at the moment he ground out the butt with his heel. The paraffin cream had been absorbed by his clothing. As his heel touched the butt, fumes from his pyjamas ignited. The resulting inferno "cremated" his skin condition, and left first-degree burns on much of his body. Despite excellent treatment, he died in intensive care. Using the Darwin checklist: 1.Reproduction -- if he has children, he's not having more. 2.Excellence -- this one I'll remember! 3.Self-Selection -- he was warned paraffin & flames don't mix. 4.Maturity -- At 60 I guess he was old enough. 5.Veracity -- Major UK news carriers covered the story. This ticks all the boxes, and though I feel sorry for the family, his death acts as a warning to others. If a doctor tells you not to smoke, there's a very good reason. I love this site! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckfiftyexports Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Email a Friend High on Life 2006 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin Take a deep breath... (3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara, both 21, were found protruding from a deflated, huge helium advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara attended community college, but apparently their education had glossed over the importance of oxygen. When one breathes helium, the lack of oxygen in the bloodstream causes a rapid loss of consciousness. Some euthanasia experts advocate the use of helium to painlessly end one's life. The pair pulled down the 8' balloon, and climbed inside. Their last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they slowly passed out and passed into the hereafter. Sheriff's deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. No drugs or alcohol were found. The medical examiner reported that helium inhalation was a significant factor in their deaths. A family member said "Sara was mischievous, to be honest. She liked fun and it cost her." ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckfiftyexports Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Hammer of Doom 2006 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (August 2006, Brazil) August brings us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer. The second try worked--in a sense. The explosion proved fatal to one man, six cars, and the repair shop wherein the efforts took place. 14 more RPG grenades were found in a car parked nearby. Police believe the ammunition was being scavenged to sell as scrap metal. If it wasn't scrap then, it certainly is now! Hahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckfiftyexports Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Faithful Flotation 2006 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (August 2006, Libreville, Gabon) In August, a congregation's 35-year old pastor insisted one could literally walk on water, if one only had enough faith. Big and bold was his speech. He extolled the heavenly power possessed by a faithful man with such force that he may well have convinced himself. Whether or not he believed in his heart, his sermons left room for only shame should he leave his own faith untested. Thus, the pastor set out to walk across a major estuary, the path of a 20-minute ferry ride. But the man could not swim. Lacking the miraculous powers of David Copperfield, let alone holy Jesus Christ, this ill-fated cleric found only a Darwin Award at the end of his final path. (A related Personal Account from Palorca, Portugal: "I met an elder villager who once tried to walk on water. He strapped small floaters to his feet. He floated, all right, but upside down, with his head submersed. He was rescued by the spectators." --green1 An Amusing /. Criticism ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckfiftyexports Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Failed Frame-Up 2005 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (19 March 2005, Michigan) "Unusual" and "complicated" is how the Missaukee County sheriff described the mysterious death of 19-year-old Christopher. After an evening spent imbibing large quantities of alcohol, Christopher noticed a shortage in his liquor supply that could not be attributed to his own depredations. He concluded that his neighbor had stolen a bottle of booze! He menaced the neighbor with a knife, to no avail, whereupon he retired to his own apartment to brood about revenge. Finally he figured out the perfect way to get back at that conniving bottle-thief: Christopher would stab himself and blame the neighbor! A witness saw Christopher enter the bathroom as he called 911. He calmly informed the dispatcher that his neighbor had stabbed him. Witnesses said he looked fine when he emerged from the bathroom, but a moment later gouts of blood spewed from his chest. Suddenly he began screaming begging for help. The dispatcher heard a woman shout, "Why did you do this?" He collapsed at the door of his apartment. Deputies arrived quickly, but Christopher had already bled to death from self-inflicted stab wounds to his chest. An autopsy determined that he had stabbed himself in the chest twice. The first wound apparently didn't look dangerous enough, so he tried again. The second time, the knife plunged into his left ventricle. This wound was plenty dangerous: he had only two minutes to live. Christopher died in vain. His deathbed accusation of his neighbor failed, as a witness confirmed that the neighbor was not in the apartment. All Christopher got for revenge was an accidental death sentence. Gold! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckfiftyexports Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Chimney-Cleaning Grenade 2005 Darwin Award Winner Confirmed True by Darwin (13 January 2005, Croatia) One fateful afternoon, 55-year-old Marko retreated to his semi-detached workshop to make himself a tool for chimney cleaning. The chimney was too high for a simple broom to work, but if he could attach a brush to a chain and then weigh it down with something, that would do the trick. But what could he use as a weight? He happened to have the perfect object. It was heavy, yet compact. And best of all, it was made of metal, so he could weld it to the chain. He must have somehow overlooked the fact that it was also a hand grenade and was filled with explosive material. Marko turned on his welding apparatus and began to create an arc between the chain and the grenade. As the metal heated up, the grenade exploded. The force of the explosion killed poor Marko instantly, blasting shrapnel through the walls of the shed and shattering the windshield of a Mercedes parked outside. Marko's chimney was untouched, however. ....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckfiftyexports Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Freeway Dangler 2005 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (31 May 2005, Seattle, Washington) Strength and endurance are two of the most important characteristics that can be passed on to improve the species, so physical challenges between males are frequent. In this case, two drinking buddies found themselves on an overpass 40 feet above a busy freeway in downtown Seattle at 2:45 a.m. It turned out to be the perfect place to determine who had more strength and endurance. Whoever could dangle from the overpass the longest would win! Unfortunately, the winner was too tired from his victory to climb back up, despite help from his 31-year-old friend. The unidentified champion fell smack into the front of a semi-truck barreling down the highway at 60 mph and bounced onto the pavement, where he was hit by a car. The car did not stop. Authorities did not identify the winner of the competition ........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckfiftyexports Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 "Plug Me In" 2005 Darwin Award WINNER Confirmed True by Darwin (7 March 2005, Vietnam) Nguyen, 21, had been drinking with friends in Hanoi, when he pulled out an old detonator he had found. It was about six centimeters long and eight centimeters in diameter, with two wires hanging out. Because it was old and rusty, Nguyen said, it couldn't explode. His friends disagreed. To prove his point, Nguyen put the detonator in his mouth and asked his friend to plug the dangling wires into a 220-volt electrical receptacle. Turns out Nyugen was wrong! The victim had little time to reflect on his mistaken, or whether 220 volts alone could have been fatal. According to police, "the explosion blew out his cheeks and smashed all his teeth." He died on the way to the hospital. .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckfiftyexports Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Elephant Tail 2005 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (28 January 2005, Pendang, Thailand) It's no secret that elephants are big. Elephants eat hundreds of pounds of food a day just to maintain their weight. Indian elephants are nine feet tall at the shoulder. They're so powerful that in Southeast Asia, males are used to haul massive tree trunks with their three-foot tusks, work performed by heavy equipment in other countries. It's also no secret that teasing an animal makes it mad. Teasing a animal that can carry a tree with its tusks may not be a good idea. Yet that was the very idea that formed in Prawat's head, when he saw a herd of five performing elephants chained to trees outside a Buddhist temple. While the owner waited inside for an entertainment permit, Prawat, a 50-year-old rubber-tapper, offered sugar cane to one of the ever-hungry elephants... then pulled it away. Then he did it again. And again. And again. The game was great fun for Prawat, but the elephant quickly tired of it. The last time Prawat withdrew the treat, the elephant swung his massive tusks and gored him through the stomach. Prawat died on the way to the hospital. The elephant got his treat. Reader Comments: ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skullnbones Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 You're enjoying this way too much you sick puppy haha. These are always funny as shit though. Edit: The chimney grenade was great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckfiftyexports Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Wales Wins 2005 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin Note: Police reported that Geoff had a history of mental problems, so he may not have been of sound mind at the time. If so, this is regarded as a disqualification for a Darwin Award. (8 February 2005, Caerphilly, Wales) "If Wales wins, I'll cut my balls off," Geoff told his mates at a social club while watching the rugby match between England and its arch-rival. His friends thought the 26-year-old was joking, but after Wales' 11-9 victory over England, he went home, castrated himself with a knife, and walked the length of two rugby fields back to the bar to show his shocked friends the evidence. It was Wales' first home win over England in 12 years. Geoff was taken to a hospital where he remained "in a seriously ill condition." What a nutta! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tango 24 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 stupidity the chlorine for the stagnant gene pool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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