DeweyVonGumpsteinAndTheWiz Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 i want to convert to judaism. how is this handled? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Issac Brock Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Ask a rabbi three times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 ask MAR? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Issac Brock Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 and is this for some hot jewish broad or what Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 jewish girls swallow ...true story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUR X3 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Ask Hal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonamebrandeggs Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I'd suggest you wait to see if Hitler comes back in 2012, before making such a decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 got milk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAL Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 First you have grow a big nose, then force such discipline unto your facial hair that you can grow a beard in a matter of minutes. Once these two conditions are met, you must develop your sense of smell to be able to sniff out a penny in restaurant alleyway. Next, you have to develop your eyesight so that you can cut perfect diamonds without the use of a magnifying glass. You should also be able to distinguish the difference between gold and silver just by touch, but that's just for extra credit. Most jews can pee liquid gold, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Most jews can pee liquid gold, too. :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: I nominate this for quote of the week! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeweyVonGumpsteinAndTheWiz Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 i got a dreidel? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dame. Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 hal said it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CACashRefund Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 REQUIRED READING: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAL Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I want to see all of you make some progress on your nose size. My jew-bag friend in training sleeps with 18 Sacajewea golden doubloons jammed into each nostril to increase both size and performance. He's well on his way to proper jewish size. Optional methods for jewdom: -own and operate a deli serving only the freshest, most delicious cold cuts -publicly denounce Seinfeld as jew-lame -get a giant tattoo of Mt Rushmore on your back, featuring the heads of Spielberg, Kubrick, Woody Allen and Oliver Stone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dame. Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I want to see all of you make some progress on your nose size. My jew-bag friend in training sleeps with 18 Sacajewea golden doubloons jammed into each nostril to increase both size and performance. He's well on his way to proper jewish size. Optional methods for jewdom: -own and operate a deli serving only the freshest, most delicious cold cuts -publicly denounce Seinfeld as jew-lame -get a giant tattoo of Mt Rushmore on your back, featuring the heads of Spielberg, Kubrick, Woody Allen and Oliver Stone the Sacajawea coins method is nice, but personally i prefer to hook a bungie cord to the tip of my nose and just jump off bridges. you'd think it would rip through but it doesent. i'd probably use the coin method if i had the patience but i like the bungie cause it leaves me time for walking the streets in search of pennies. im still working on the money making aspect of jewism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 some people think that ebineezer scrooge is well he's not...but guess who is.. all three stooges!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonamebrandeggs Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 REQUIRED READING: BUMP :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAL Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Why on earth would you ever read a book called "How To Make War" written by an irish guy? Have the Irish ever won any wars? I believe the island is part of the United Kingdom, and was introduced to Christianity by the invading Romans. They still can't decide what brand of Jesus they want to follow, so how is an irishman supposed to give advice on the proper way to make war? I love irish people by the way. I can't think of any wars won by jews, unless you count the ongoing west bank mess, which is really depressing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeweyVonGumpsteinAndTheWiz Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 cool that you all are taking this funny and all, but im serious... how do i become jewish? can i convert? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAL Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I have no idea. I think the most logical course of action would be to visit your favorite local synagogue and talk to a Rabbi or some shit. I'm not religious at all, so i have no clue how any of this works. I've only heard of people converting because of marraige and shit like that. You can definitely convert to judaism, the same as any other religion. I imagine the process is pretty involved, with lots of reading, memorization, learning rituals, prayer and all that stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weapon X Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I still got a kipa from a barmitzvah I went to back in the day. Shiny teal, sorta. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weapon X Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Convert your mom to Judaism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorldBench Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 have fun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorldBench Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 "and they think catholic priests are the only ones who like little boys" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeweyVonGumpsteinAndTheWiz Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Convert your mom to Judaism. haha that would be the logical solution huh haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRONHEAD Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 so hot....judaism is so hot right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DEE38 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 all you gotta do is listen to matisyahu for like 3 days in a row Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deterrent Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I wanted to convert just for the chance to marry sarah silverman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CACashRefund Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Why on earth would you ever read a book called "How To Make War" written by an irish guy? Have the Irish ever won any wars? I believe the island is part of the United Kingdom, and was introduced to Christianity by the invading Romans. They still can't decide what brand of Jesus they want to follow, so how is an irishman supposed to give advice on the proper way to make war? I actually have that book its pretty informative. It not only explains what kind of armies modern nations have at their disposal, but goes into depth as to discuss the logistics of making war possible. Its pretty good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suca Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 just go to a temple/synagouge(SP?) and meet the rabbi and tell him/her you wanna convert. they'll probably make you learn a whole shitload about judism/hebrew. but then you can have a bar mitzvah and get halllla money Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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