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RedWings

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Ok first things first... go make a pilgrimage to fenway park and pledge allegiance to the red sox nation.. trust me this will come in handy later on...

Then head down to kenmore sq.. walk into the alley behind Mcdonalds and drink a 40oz in while lamenting the destruction of the rat.. next head right around the corner to deli haus... or whats left of it... drink another 40oz and remember the good times, cute waitresses, horrible service, and everything that made deli haus great....

Ok so now you got a couple 40ozs in you... walk around the corner to little stevies... you are hopefully going to be drunk enough to eat a couple slices of pizza... if not just post in front and drink another 40oz or 2 until you are drunk enough that you think eating a couple slices of pizza is a good idea...

 

Ok so now you are somewhat liquored up, got some food inside you and need something to do... well I recommend finding the nearest person wearing a yankees hat and picking a fight... trust me this will go a long way into making you fit in, and with your allegiance sworn to the red sox nation earlier in the day its what you need to do...

 

Once that is down walk over the hynes and hop on a bline train up to allston for a night of drinking... get off at harvard and comm... walk over to the liquor store and grab a fifth, then walk up the street towards our house sipping on your fifth... when you get to our house, make sure you get a seat on one of the couches and the you have a steady supply of brubakers coming... after 3 or 4 brubakers here is where you can fail in your intoxicated state to pick up on women and get into a fight or to... don't worry being that drunk is all part of being in boston.... you get used to it after a while...

 

If you can't find something interesting to do from this point I recommend, that you get on your skateboard and head down to copley sq. for a late night skate session... just make sure to finish your fifth on the way down and get in at least one more fight.. once you are down skating go pass out wherever it is you are staying... and repeat the next day.....

 

hmm, looks like i now have something to do in boston.

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Yes... I have several sweaty dork ideas for you.

 

The USS Constitution gives free tours.

 

The downtown area is pretty cool and convoluted. There are also guys dressed up like minutemen who give free tours, talk about dead people.

 

The new Institute of Contemporary Arts is a hot bitch of a museum.

 

If it's the off-season, you may be able to catch the 'Stones at Fenway Park.

 

Check out the North End, Boston's take on Little Italy.

 

Visit the first library ever... in America.

 

Walk one of the many commuter rail lines starting either from North Station or South Station.

 

Watch the Celtics lose.

 

Check out MIT, Harvard's lame and stupid and lame and grade-inflated.

 

Vistit Cambridge, the core of Northeast liberal elitists.

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Here's some more things to do:

 

Ride the shittiest transit system (and the cheapest) in the country, until the power goes out in the tunnels and they put you on a shuttle bus, turning a 15 minute trip into an hour-long trip, where you'll spend 10 minutes trying to get up one narrow set of stairs along with 200 other people just to get out of the station and to the shuttle bus. Then, once it's back up and running, take the B-Line down Commonwealth Ave. anywhere between 8 and 12 PM on a Friday or Saturday night and get crammed with about 94 drunk, retarded Boston University douchebags in a car that seats thirty-fucking-four people. It's great fun, especially when half of them are having a cell phone conversation with the other half and TALKING AS LOUD AS THEY CAN!

 

Then, after you get off the train, enjoy the fact that everything is closed except for bars and Store 24, and the bars close as early as 11 PM (Landsdowne St.) and as late as 2 AM.

 

You could get lost on our notoriously insane roads. Eventually you'll figure out that you've been going in a circle for the last three years and then you won't be lost anymore. Either that or you'll blow a tire when you hit one of the fifty potholes per 300 ft.

 

Then slip and fall on ice, because the city is too cheap to clean it up even though they have a shitload of money left from the snow removal budget since it snowed all of two times this winter.

 

Then you can go down to Fenway Park to buy standing-room only tickets, obstructed view tickets, or single seats for about 10 games because the other 152 games sold out already, even though the tickets have been on sale for a week. Oops, sorry those tickets have just sold out, also.

 

Then you can go and see a local hardcore band or hip-hop show and get glared at because you're an outsider and we hate outsiders.

 

Following that, you can walk around Kenmore Square and imagine that the big, ugly, luxury hotel used to be a whole strip of really cool shit until they tore it down and built a big, ugly, luxury hotel and a bunch of chain stores. But sometimes if you close your eyes and smell really hard, you'll smell the stench of the Rathskeller, where Boston punk rock and hardcore was born and the floors were never cleaned.

 

Then, walk down Newbury street and get sneered at and pushed aside by all the beautiful people and the jocks and Paris Hilton wannabes. Or walk down the completely killed alleyways and see some nice graff....and some really shit graff.

 

On the plus side, there's tons of great comic book stores and music stores around here. And there's a shitload of hot girls around, especially when colleges are in session. My advice, don't go shopping, just step outside of your hotel, and walk in any direction for a few hours and you'll find something cool, or you'll find Cambridge. And if you get lost, don't worry because people around here give really good directions and there's TONS of free taxis...

 

 

/8,000th post.

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waltham?? for serious?? thats cupcake city

 

 

I was gonna say...maybe if it was 15-20 years ago before they built up Moody St. and gentrified it a bit. There's still a couple of rough patches but it's pretty safe.

 

I was looking for an apartment a few years back, and went about trying to rent a room. I went to one place in Waltham and it was a house owned by this pederast-looking dude: tall, overweight, and in his 50's. Apparently he rented out several rooms in this place, but it was dingy as shit and there were a bunch of un-opened boxes all over the place. The whole place was pretty filthy, and the backyard hadn't been fucked with in probably forever. It was like a 20x20 foot of wilderness in this backyard next to houses actually mowed. I did actually see some asian dude in there who seemed normal, but this guy gave off mega-creep vibes. When I went out to the car, the guy literally stood at the door, staring at me out the window until I was out of sight.

 

So I guess there's still some scary-fucking-people in Waltham, but it's seriously not that bad. I worked at the theater there for a few months and at a restraunt on Moody St for a bit, also, and aside from a few thugs driving around blasting rap and a couple of junkies at the bus stop, pretty safe and scenic.

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