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blood fart

epic metal birthday celebration

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I will probably get so unbelievably drunk that I piss the bed.

 

Birthdays only come once a year.

And I am a huge supporter of the belief that one can get away with anything on thier Bday.

Place blame on the drink.

And being caught up in the moment.

 

Two years ago a "pal" of mine's house was getting bulldozed at the end of the month.

So we had a week of festivities to celebrate me.

Bonfires.

Built using pieces of the house.

Cabinets, door frames, doors, wooden slats from the exterior of the house.

There were maximum levels of destruction.

Without the risk of having to explain to the land lord why the living room no longer had walls.

Around the seventh day, my special day was less than 12 hours away.

There was nothing left to do but take it up a notch.

One of my buddies and I were hanging out in a shed.

Listening to music.

And getting to know each other better.

By means of kissing on the mouth.

He wanted to impress me with his fancy new knife.

Which he immediately realised was a mistake.

Because I am prone to violence.

And at that time in my life, was a fan of bleeding.

Cutter.

He tried to ask for his knife back.

Tried to take it away.

He failed.

When he thought he could do no more.

I stabbed him in the mouth.

Not a mean-type stab, like a cute little "let's go steady" type stab.

He bled alot.

I tried to tell him to calm down.

It wasn't that bad.

And that it would stop bleeding soon enough.

He wanted to go to the Emergency Room.

The dude who's house it was didn't know the whole story.

And tried to make me look like the bad guy.

He drug my through the mud by my hair.

And told me to get the fuk out.

I walked the block.

Circled back around and ended up back at the scene of the stabbing.

I curled up in a bloody sleeping bag and went to sleep.

The next morning, Stabby Face showed up.

Fresh stitches and chipped teeth.

He bought me vegetarian corndogs for breakfast.

Love works in mysterious ways.

 

They bring this up alot when we hang out.

A running joke.

My friends forgive me alot.

I do alot of bad things.

But I make up for it by doing many good things.

You have to take the bad with the good.

 

So.

Yes.

I am not making any predictions on what might happen.

All I know is that I don't want to destroy my own home.

And I don't want to stab anyone in the face.

So as long as I keep away from those two things, I will be happy.

 

A few related notes about this tale.

Stabby Face thanked me later on.

He said that girls found it unbelievably sexy.

And now he is married to a very attractive girl.

Who was drawn to his manhood, after seeing his cute facial scar.

 

The dude who's home it was that got destroyed.

He is a complete freak show.

Who's girlfriend is tattooed head-to-toe like a tiger.

They invited me and dude to thier motel room to drink some dranks one night.

He tried to lure us into some mate-swapping bullshit.

We declined.

We slept on a janky fold-out love seat that smelled like AIDS and poor people.

While the two Freak Shows sexied on a bed less than two feet from us.

I heard him talking to his girl about waking me up.

To join in.

I pretended like I had died.

What kept us awake for endless hours was the jingle-jangling of nut sack rings.

Which earlier in the night we had found out that he posessed over 30 of.

When he offered to model his animal print thong for us.

Uncomfortable is an understatement.

I ran into these two characters not more than two days ago.

They knew I was getting tattooed and came to the shop.

Tiger LAdy is pregnant.

That's real sad.

 

The end.

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Re: this weekend

 

good job, asshole, i was going to post a happy birthday thread for you, then you went and blew up your own spot.

 

 

oh well, happy birthday

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Re: this weekend

 

Sorry.

You would have had to do it today.

Because I doubt I will be around the internet the rest of the weekend.

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Guest R@ndomH3ro

Re: this weekend

 

Happy B-Day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you filthy cunt

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Re: this weekend

 

i know, you were supposed to arrive on monday and go "wow, look how many people were thinking of me all weekened while i was in the drunk tank"

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Re: this weekend

 

Hopefully I won't go to jail.

I had a dream yesterday that I ended up in jail.

And spent another Bday sitting in county jail.

Not this year.

 

missy.jpg?t=1169853665

This is Stabby Face.

I look not pleased.

Welcome to my world.

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you mean to tell me you passed up a night of nutsack rings toss!?

 

You must have me mistaken for some sort of lover of things totally extreme.

I am not.

 

That dude is a complete sleeze ball.

He has tattoos on his head.

Which I can't agree with.

He also wears silk shirts with rattlesnakes and flames and shit like that on them.

Harley Davidson gear.

He tries to tell me what I should do with my life.

Roller Derby Girl.

Suicide Girl.

Ride motorcycles.

He is out-of-touch with reality.

 

He also has herpes.

And likes it when I degrade him.

I was pee peeing in an alley behind the strip of bars downtown once.

He shoved his hand under the urine stream.

I haven't been able to respect him since.

 

I have standards.

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Blood Happy Slapped at Birth Day.. Make sure you don't do anything that you can't post about the next day...

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Happy Birthday. If you piss in my bed I will throw you to the streets. No probably not Ill just make you cry with harsh words. Im not a fan of sleeping in piss. Stabbing people in the face sounds tuff but youre not as tuff as you would seem. A little bit of harsh words and the salty tears are a flowing.

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Jesus Christ.

 

Happy Birthday. It would actually be pretty awesome if you stabbed someone else in the face this weekend. Don't count it out.

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Stab and twist. A little hint about what your getting for your birthday. That and the same gift I gave you for christmas that one that keeps on giving.

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The last time I got a knife as a gift, I ended up bleeding from the leg for two days straight.

Cutter.

So sad.

Eternally thirteen.

 

You already ruined my special day.

Jerk.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAYS.

 

I stole stuff from American Apparel for myself in honor of your birthday.

 

True story.

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Guest R@ndomH3ro

I rode a bmx..................in honor of the Uniscrons

 

 

I also petted a puppy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

then I spat on a image of you while listening to our lord and savior King Diamond, true story

 

king-diamond.jpg

 

SCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!11

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Uniscorns.

BMX Gang of The Gods.

We're famous in these streets.

 

I am going home now.

To rest up.

So's that my awesome is at levels deadly to mere mortals.

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Was your night as awesome as being hit on for a threesome and turning it down???

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